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Staying Focused: Keeping the Main Thing the Main Thing

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Keep the main thing the main thing.trying to stay focused

Sometimes, it’s hard to stay focused. We have so much to do, so many things to accomplish. That’s especially true during the holidays. By trying to do too much, or by looking down the road to far, we become overwhelmed. We stress out. We freeze up. We make the problem worse.

If you’re feeling like your treading water or juggling too many assignments, the problem is most likely that you’re trying to do too much; rather than not enough. Slow yourself down. Ask yourself, “What ONE thing will I do RIGHT NOW that I will complete?” Then, complete it BEFORE you move on to anything else.

Then, enjoy the sense of success that comes with accomplishment.

That too will keep you moving forward.

 

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Opinion: Pepper Spray Incident at Walmart on Black Friday

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Something is definitely wrong. 

I am writing this on what is traditionally called “Black Friday,” the day after Thanksgiving that accounts for so many retail sales. At a Walmart near Los Angeles, a woman allegedly (or apparently) used pepper spray on fellow shoppers, presumably (details are still sketchy) to get others to move away from a display so she would be able to nab some low prices. We hear these disturbing reports almost every year. A few years ago, someone was crushed as the crowd pushed into a store to get first shot at the “best deals.”

I find the whole thing sad.

I understand that this was an “isolated incident,” and – at least in my opinion – something must be wrong with someone to resort to tactics such as those in order to get some great holiday prices. However, to me, there is a bigger issue at hand: “Where do we find happiness?”

I was not at that department store, and – in full disclosure – I try to avoid “Black Friday Sales” like the plaque. I do not like being jostled in mobs. I do not like getting up early – nor going out late. I do not like shopping. I hear stories of people camping out in order to be “first in line,” and I am always perplexed by the type of person who would do that. I am particularly bothered by the latest trend where stores are now opening on Thanksgiving itself, trying to jump start Black Friday (will Thanksgiving be called “Grey Thursday” soon?)

It bothers me primarily for two main reasons:

1. Thanksgiving is a holiday dedicated to spending some time feeling grateful. In my opinion (and I accept it is only that), one does not show gratitude by trying to get the best place in line to save 50% on home electronics.

2. I feel for the employees who must work these ridiculous hours. I understand that on some level, it’s a choice. However the combination of today’s poor economy and the fact that the management team probably won’t be giving up their family time to man the registers, leads me to believe “choice” is a fairly generous choice of words.

Therefore, with such biases, I’m probably not going to be a spokesperson for any “Support Black Friday” Association. (And I also accept that people of good faith might not share my opinion. I respect that and hope you do the same for me.)

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Getting Through the Holidays and Staying on Track

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If a therapist’s couch were available, she would lie upon it and recap stories of childhood and chocolate. Instead, seeking solace, she bemoans the difficulty of dieting in December. “Parties. Candy. Cookies. Why not just give up and start again in January? Any advice?” I smell marshmallow chocolate Santas on her breath.

I validate the feelings. Although I have maintained my weight almost 20 years, the struggle remains. “I understand.”

As for the advice, she would not want me running her life. It can be a dark and scary place inside where I live. I understand her frustration. Yet, I have been asked. I push aside my cobwebs to impart whatever support I can provide.

I too used to “wait until the holidays were over.”

Then, my birthday… Then vacation… Back again to the holidays… Soon any day that ended in “Y” was a reason to delay losing weight. The perfect day was always over the next sunrise. I waited. I weighed. I weighted. Finally realizing future generations will still be overeating at holidays long after I’m a memory, I understood, “better figure out a way to work around the obstacles NOW.” As my grandmother said, “Tomorrow never comes.”

Reality is if my indulgences were limited just to holidays, I wouldn’t have to lose 70 pounds. Celebrations were the validation I used to reaffirm that “weight loss is too hard.” Failure sat at the head of every holiday meal table as the unwelcome guest, “Give up – start again later.”

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Tips for a Great Thanksgiving

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Note: This piece is from the newsletter by Mike Robbins; one of the best speakers (and nicest guys) you’ll ever meet. I’m honored to be able to use it. If you would like to know more about him, you can find his information at the end of this post. Enjoy.

With Thanksgiving upon us here in the United States, I’ve been thinking about my own love/hate relationship to this great holiday. It can be a wonderful celebration of gratitude, appreciation, and family connection. Unfortunately, Thanksgiving also tends to be about feeling obligated to spend time with the people we’re “supposed” to, eating too much food and feeling guilty about it, and pretending to be grateful when we’re actually annoyed and stressed out.

What if we could make this Thanksgiving less stressful, more fun, and actually be able to enjoy ourselves, appreciate our family and friends (even the ones who drive us nuts), and focus on what we’re thankful for in a genuine way?

Here are some important tips you can use to make this year’s Thanksgiving one you truly enjoy and remember (in a good way):

Tips for a great thanksgiving

1) Be you – Instead of trying to be who you think you “should” be with your family, friends, in-laws, or guests – just relax and be yourself! So often we put undue pressure on ourselves to be a certain way, impress people (even those we know well), or do or say the things we think others want us to. When we let go of trying to please everyone and we’re able to be true to ourselves, we create a genuine sense of freedom and peace. This also means that we think about what would be fun for us and our immediate family to do for Thanksgiving and communicate this to everyone else (in-laws, extended family, etc.), even if it may upset or disappoint some of the people involved.

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Giving Thanks in Tough Times

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giving thanks in tough times“May you live in fascinating times” is an old curse; the logic being if one chronicles history, “fascinating times” were jam-packed with upheaval. Turbulent, troublesome, frightening, epoch-making periods; anyone experiencing them would be upset, frightened, and anxious.

I point this out because, with the way the world is, one might make a case that we are currently experiencing “fascinating times,” and that future historians will find the initial piece of the 21st century to be chock-full of tumult, worthy of study for generations yet to come. For them, that may be well and good, yet for us in the present, I don’t think I stand alone when I pray we figure out soon how to get along a little better.

Giving thanks in such chaotic times is not simple. It feels difficult and trivial to find positives when all around seems urgent. However, to do so, requires a refocus on what one has, rather than a sadness of the way it is not. Saying “Thank you,” lightens the heart, and loosens life’s burdens — if only for a moment, making living worthwhile. Now, more than ever, it is essential to express gratitude for what one has. We are still blessed in many ways.

I can be thankful to sit at a table with family and friends, sharing food, conversation, and stories. We will laugh at where we have been, even if we disagree about where we are headed. We are not a perfect family unit; but we are what we are. I give thanks, and send a prayer to those less well off.

I am grateful to live where I do. Sure, I complain about excess rain and a hidden sun. I lament the dreary fog in the morning, and the wind in the afternoon. Yet, on the grand perspective, this patch of Mother Earth is no less than stunning. Endless forests of trees on majestic mountains caress the heavens; rushing, raging, rivers cut through strong stone canyons in their never ending race to become part of a breathtaking vista of world’s greatest ocean. I reside in a postcard photograph; is that cool or what?

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Scott "Q" Marcus
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