This Time I Mean It

Getting Past What Holds You Back with Baby Boomer Weight Loss Expert Scott 'Q' Marcus

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Take Time to Make Good Decisions

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When you don’t know what to do, it’s OK to take some time to think about it.

Most of the pressure we feel to make a decision is usually self-imposed. We are afraid that if we don’t make the decision “right now,” we won’t have the opportunity to do so, or that we’ll look stupid or indecisive by not having an answer immediately.

The truth is that if we make a quick decision under pressure, the odds are that it will not be as good a decision as taking some time to think about. It’s better to make a correct decision in a little while instead of a poor one immediately.

(Of course, if the decision affects someone else, be fair and tell them how much time you need and then don’t make them “chase you” for the answer. Get back to them when you said you would.)

Note: Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

5 Things You Can Do to be Happier & More Successful Starting NOW

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Improving oneself is not difficult. It might be uncomfortable. It might be slow; but difficult? Not so much. Figure out what you want to change; figure out a way to do it, move in that direction, correct as necessary.

So why don’t most people change?

Our problem is we make it too complicated. Some of the reasons we do that include:

  • We think simplicity means lack of drive
  • We are setting ourselves up for failure to get people to leave us alone (read related post)
  • We think it will get us there faster

In reality, the simpler we make it, the more likely we will achieve it. We have built our lives over years with patterns and habits to fill our days. It’s as if we have built a brick fortress around us. If we try and make too many changes, we have to knock out huge sections of the fortress; we won’t do that. If we can just rearrange a few bricks, we’re more likely to fit that in (read related post here).

So, with that in mind, I offer a very simple Five-Step Plan to make change now.

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Using Goals as an Excuse to Avoid Achieving Them

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Sometimes goals are used as an excuse to actually avoid changing.

At first blush that sounds counter intuitive, doesn’t it? We set up goals or resolutions in order to change and improve ourselves. But, after some discussion I’ve been having with a client, I realized that we set some goals up, as excuses to avoid making change. It might not be consciously or intentional, but even so, we’re doing it.

As an example, suppose we have family members who are on our backs about losing weight or quitting smoking. We might not want to (even though we know they’re right) or we might not be ready or we might not believe we can accomplish our goals. So, in order to avoid dealing with the hassle of our family, we throw our hands up over our head and say, “Fine! I’ll lose the weight!” Then, we set up such an unrealistic goal that it’s virtually impossible to accomplish it so after a short while we can quit. When people say, “What happened?” We can say, “I tried. What else can I do?” and hopefully get them off our back. (To read a humorous post about use of the word “trying,” follow this link.)

In an earlier post I wrote about a “composite client” who I felt was making goals that were so large, he was setting himself up for failure. He has repeated “tried” (there’s that word again) to lose weight but has never move very far along his path. To help him out, I asked him to be more specific in his goals and to make smaller steps. In an update to me, he said:

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Perfection vs Progress: Trying too Much Can Hold You Back as Much as Doing too Little

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I received a message from a client today. I’m modifying it somewhat to protect privacy but it triggered some thoughts that I want to share.

I went to the gym today. Did 30 minutes on the elliptical, 20 minutes on the bike, and 15 minutes of weights. This afternoon, I signed up at the local community college for several PE classes.  I’m taking three classes: Yoga, weight lifting, and Pilates. At this point, doing an aerobics class isn’t permissible with my weight and back. However, if I can maintain a reasonable weight loss over the next 16 weeks, maybe an aerobics class might be a possibility. I will continue to go to my gym to get a cardio workout, of course. However, having these classes that I have to go to will be good motivation.

I wrote down everything I ate today for the 35th day in a row …  I’m done with feeling sorry for myself; that doesn’t help me. Just one step at a time is all I can do for right now, and I do think I’m making progress.

What I wrote back, not that she was asking:

I am impressed with all you’re doing; you’ve turned into a machine.

However, a question: Is it sustainable? No judgment is implied here, it’s just a sincere question. Make sure that the path you choose is one that you will continue, not one that will overwhelm you. If you can honestly keep  up with everything you’ve set out to do, by all means stick with it. If it’s going to consume you and you’ll give up due to the sheer volume of time and lifestyle change it will involve, it’s much better to choose a smaller set of activies and stay with them because you’ll do those longer and incorporate them into your life.

The problem…

(continued below the image)

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The Biggest Misconception About Motivation

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You stand on the scale, afraid to look.

You don’t want to know the results because the dreaded “lost your motivation” monster has devoured you. “If I only knew how to get back my motivation, I could get going again.”

Many think motivation leads behavior and if we lose it, we will never reach our goals. The reality is it does not disappear, we send it away. We can bring it back.

Picture “motivation.”

It’s empowering, exciting, fearless. It’s “lead, follow, or get out of the way.” When motivated, nothing prevents us from storming the castle. Yet motivation seems so fickle, disappearing on a moment’s notice.

When we start to change a habit, we are not motivated. Instead, usually we are depressed, angry, or forced. Whatever you call it, “motivation” would not be the label. Yet, we give it the old college try “one more time;” anything to get rid of the inner chorus of doubt and self-disgust. We change our behaviors – for whatever reason.

At the end of week one, lo and behold, weight loss! That feels pretty darn good. So, we “give it another week.” And again, more weight loss. Energy is rising. Clothes are looser. The sun seems brighter. Things are definitely on the move. Notice the attitude now: motivated!

The point is motivation did NOT lead the behaviors; it followed it.

When one feels lost, don’t look for motivation, start a behavior. Actions lead to motivation.

It’s hard to stay vigilant. But it’s easier if we don’t try and do everything, just one thing. Choose the first idea that comes into your head and simply do MORE of it, not ALL of it.

Walk five minutes more than you did last week. Stop eating 20 minutes earlier. Make a commitment to do it right now. And notice the feeling after you start.

It doesn’t take long for motivation to return. It just takes a willingness to do something to invite it back.

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Scott "Q" Marcus
707 834.4090
scottq@thistimeimeanit.com
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