This Time I Mean It

Getting Past What Holds You Back with Baby Boomer Weight Loss Expert Scott 'Q' Marcus

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The fantasy of perfectionism

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I am a perfect-o-holic.

Sure, I know it’s folly; yet I can picture that magical happy place where all goes according to plan and everything works out as I imagined. I have a plan.

Today, I become the pinnacle of modern workplace efficiency. Without exception, every single solitary item on my to-do list will be accomplished — even those lingering on the pad since ‘07. Phone calls will be returned in a timely, upbeat, eager manner, complete with all the necessary and required information at hand. Today, every goal will be exceeded; every deadline shall be beat. Should I spot a customer, client, co-worker, or vendor, I shall stretch out a warm enthusiastic hand in friendship, greeting her with passion, warmth, and energy; developing the ultimate positive reputation. Today, all reports will be finished on time and with precision. Today, the five-year backlog of filing shall be ended. Facebook farm games, really cute cat videos on YouTube, and forwarded emails with titles like “LOL! OMG! You’ve got to see this!” shall not deter me from my mission. I am a rock. (I shall be so effectual that I will have even had enough spare time to properly arrange my computer’s desktop icons in perfect order. After all, I owe it to myself to have some fun.)

Moreover, I will not ignore my most important relationship. Mark this date; for it is when I became the perfect spouse. Should my loving wife require assistance, no matter what else I am doing, I shall immediately — sans attitude, of course — cease all other pursuits, and lavish upon her all the attention she so richly deserves. As illustration of how central is our shared life, I will make time to clean the bathroom, prepare dinner, wash the dishes, pay the bills, and even massage her aching feet, expecting nothing in return. Today, I am the perfect husband. [Read more…]

Monday Motivational Memo: Overcoming Temptation

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One of the reasons we fail to achieve what we want is we feel we have to give up so darn much to get it that it’s not worth it. For example, we say, “I’ll NEVER be able to go out to eat again,” or “I’m going to have to exercise EVERY DAY.”

The thought of doing something  without end is daunting and overwhelming. When we’re overwhelmed is when our “bad” habits kick in at their strongest. (Remember a habit is designed to comfort us.)  Therefore, we think, “What the heck, it’s just this once. I’ll be better tomorrow.” Before we know it, we’re back in our old routine.

What’s the solution?

Instead of thinking how you feel right now, ask yourself, “What behavior will help me feel good five minutes from now?” Or if you can, “What will make me feel good tomorrow morning?”

Slow yourself down for a few moments. THEN make a decision. Most of the time, you’ll choose the healthier option. And the key to success is to do it most of the time.

Note: Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

Building Supportive Relationships While Taking Care of Yourself

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In the end, we are remembered via the relationships we leave behind.

I stand five-eight, no one’s depiction of “towering giant.” Someone of my stature is supposed to tip the scales at no more than 165 pounds. When I was 39 years old, I weighed 250. More frightening was that at such an early age, I experienced chest pains with regularity. As a father for two young sons, I was a ghost. My career was in free fall; my 12-year marriage was in tatters. (When your marriage counselor suggests divorce lawyers, the odds for regaining your long-lost marital bliss are slim.)

Change is born of fear, force, or pain. No one wakes up one fine day and says, “Wow! I really love my life; how am I going to change it?” Rather, unhappy, dissatisfied, and overwhelmed, we resolve to do virtually anything to alter our circumstances; anywhere is better than here.

For me, that conclusion came late one night, sitting alone yet again, pondering sorrowfully the source of my life’s despair. Out of that sadness came the painful realization that the common bond among all my troubles was ME. It was ME who relinquished the reins of my life, it was ME who helped build a dysfunctional marriage, and it was ME who chose to stuff myself, medicating the hurt by eating instead of fixing it. Therefore, if anyone was going to transform my life, it too must be ME. [Read more…]

Video: Using Words to Obscure Communication – The Front Fell Off

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Here’s an hilarious video from Australia illustrating how some people can say a whole lot – and not end up saying a thing. The team is Clarke & Dawe. (The quality is not as good as I’d like because I believe the video is from the 90s. However, it’s definitely worth your time.)

[Read more…]

Using Goals as an Excuse to Avoid Achieving Them

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Sometimes goals are used as an excuse to actually avoid changing.

At first blush that sounds counter intuitive, doesn’t it? We set up goals or resolutions in order to change and improve ourselves. But, after some discussion I’ve been having with a client, I realized that we set some goals up, as excuses to avoid making change. It might not be consciously or intentional, but even so, we’re doing it.

As an example, suppose we have family members who are on our backs about losing weight or quitting smoking. We might not want to (even though we know they’re right) or we might not be ready or we might not believe we can accomplish our goals. So, in order to avoid dealing with the hassle of our family, we throw our hands up over our head and say, “Fine! I’ll lose the weight!” Then, we set up such an unrealistic goal that it’s virtually impossible to accomplish it so after a short while we can quit. When people say, “What happened?” We can say, “I tried. What else can I do?” and hopefully get them off our back. (To read a humorous post about use of the word “trying,” follow this link.)

In an earlier post I wrote about a “composite client” who I felt was making goals that were so large, he was setting himself up for failure. He has repeated “tried” (there’s that word again) to lose weight but has never move very far along his path. To help him out, I asked him to be more specific in his goals and to make smaller steps. In an update to me, he said:

[Read more…]

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Scott "Q" Marcus
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