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You are here: Home / Archives for unrealistic expectations

Expect Success

April 13, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

What would it be like if you expected success?

Thousands and thousands of years ago, our ancestors entered a wooded valley with a river.

The optimists said, “This will be wonderful! We can build shelter by the river using the wood that surrounds us; surviving on the abundant fish living within our grasp. Life will be wonderful!”

On the other hand, the pessimists reply, “Are you crazy! If we live down here in the forest, animals might eat us or the river will could flood, or lighting could set fire to the trees and kill us all. We have to live at the top of the mountain where the animals won’t come, there’s no chance of a flood, and fires are less likely.”

Optimists: “You’re nuts! We have everything here at our fingertips. Why would be purposely make life more harsh?”

Pessimists: “A harsh life is better than no life.”

Finding no resolution, the tribe splits with pessimists moving to the mountain and optimists chillin’ by the river. Of course, what happens? [Read more…]

Filed Under: goals, Happiness, humor, Inspiration, Motivation, Motivational Monday, Overcoming Obstacles Tagged With: assumptions, expectation, unrealistic expectations

Have Realistic Expectations

April 6, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Have Realistic expectations of habit change.

When you decide to change a bad habit, there are two things to remember:

1) It will take longer than you expect
2) It will be more difficult than you would prefer

However… [Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, Diet, goals, Motivational Monday, Overcoming Obstacles, Weight Loss Tagged With: difficult times, expectation, frustration, unrealistic expectations

What Are You Saying to YOU?

September 16, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

The words we use to describe ourselves make a difference in what we end up doing.

woman-looking-at-self-in-mirror

Think about the words you use to describe what you want.

There are four stages in the process.

  1. I need… (acceptance)
  2. I can… (realization)
  3. I will… (commitment)
  4. I am… (actualization)

For example, if we’re talking about weight loss, one’s self-talk progresses through the three stages like this:

  1. “I need to lose weight.”
  2. “I can lose weight.”
  3. “I will lose weight.”
  4. “I am losing weight.”

Acceptance is usually painful so most people try to avoid it. However, once accepted, the next step is to find support to reinforce that it can be done.

After realization comes commitment. [Read more…]

Filed Under: goals, Happiness, Motivational Monday, Overcoming Perfectionsim, planning, Self Talk, Weight Loss Tagged With: guilt and shame, happiness, losing weight, obstacles, realization, Think 1st, unrealistic expectations, weight acceptance, weight loss

How to Have a Happier Holiday Season

November 15, 2012 by Featured Author

The magic of holiday music, lights and excitement resonates with my soul.

Every year, I look forward to this time of year. But I haven’t always felt so positive; as a young adult, I struggled to enjoy the season.

During my childhood, the holidays were all about presents, snow and cookies. After I moved out on my own, I realized I needed to grow up, and the holidays began to lose their magic.

I now had to work to afford presents for my family and friends. I couldn’t always take off work to celebrate with my family. Some years, I didn’t even have gas money for the drive home. When my family decided to visit me, I had to keep the house clean and tidy. And I still had to go to work every day.

Keeping on track with my fitness routine was hard too.

I usually gained 10 pounds because I was too busy to work out, and I gave in to the temptation from all the seasonal sweets.

In time, the stress became unbearable. I started resenting the season. I wished I could crawl under a blanket in October and emerge in January. I stopped attending holiday parties and resented family get-togethers. I embodied Scrooge, and everyone around me knew it.

Then a few years ago, I heard about seasonal affective disorder. A friend casually mentioned that her sister always felt depressed during the holidays. Bright lights and a support group gave her a better outlook on the season.

I decided to talk to my doctor, and he discussed sources of the holiday blues. Physical fatigue, financial pressure, family conflict and unrealistic expectations were the cause of my depression. He suggested a few useful techniques that helped me overcome the holiday blues.

First, I stopped worrying about expectations. The holiday season is fun, but I can’t do everything. I have to choose the most valuable and important traditions and let everything else go. Holiday cards were the first expectation I dropped. I can always send a free electronic greeting card to the people I don’t see every day. My stress level lowered immediately, and I decided to cut down on the decorations this year. I’ll hang the lights, but the rest of the décor will stay in a box in my garage or get donated to charity.

Next on my list was the food. Homemade sweets and seasonal buffets taste great, but they’re not great for my waistline or mood. I decided to indulge in a few bites of my favorite sweets only during parties and keep up my healthy eating regimen.

I’m also going to stay physically active. Last year, I committed to following my normal workout schedule, and I felt good physically and emotionally.

My family will be visiting my house for a meal this year. I’ll tidy up before they come over, but they’ll have to clean up any dust bunnies they point out. I want to enjoy spending time with my family, not stress out over the cleanliness of my home.

We also decided to forgo gifts. Instead, we’ll enjoy being together as we play games and watch old home movies.

To adults, the holidays may never regain the magic they had when we were kids, but they can be enjoyable.

If you feel stressed, depressed or unmotivated to celebrate this year, talk to your doctor. He can give you tips on recognizing the signs of depression and finding the joy again. Bust the holiday blues this season when you give yourself permission to feel the magic again.

About the Author: Danielle writes on behalf of Sears and other brands she uses. This Christmas, she’s asking Santa for a treadmill so she can channel her stress into physical activity all year long. She hopes it will also help her deal with post-holiday blues as she exercises away all the extra calories she will inevitably consume.

Filed Under: Asking for help, Guest Author, Health, mental health Tagged With: expectation, family and friends, family conflict, holiday blues, holiday season, physical fatigue, seasonal affective disorder, stress level, unrealistic expectations

Seeking Long-Term-Relationship, Must Share Common Values

October 24, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus

We are imperfect beings; therefore so too are our relationships.

We engage mouth before activating brain. We dismiss our partner’s concerns as irrelevant. We can be inconsiderate, petty, or cranky. It’s part of the human condition; we mess up, and since we live with others, we hurt them. We don’t intend to — but we cannot deny that we do. It matters not how much energy you put into it, nor how long you’ve been together; even the finest relationships cause some pain.

At our end of days, should we be so fortunate to take inventory of our most important relationships and can proclaim them as  “good” more times than not; then indeed they were “good.”

A successful long-term-relationship is not without flaw; rather, it:

  • Incurs less damage during conflicts
  • Recovers from that hurt more quickly and fully
  • Tilts the scale in the direction of “happy” rather than “unhappy”

Short of choosing the wrong partner — those whose relationships fall asunder did not necessarily disagree more often than those with “good” relationships. Instead they had unrealistic expectations, conflating conflict with failure; and did not possess a method to handle disagreement when it raised its unpleasant, but unavoidable, head.

When any relationship is smack dab in the midst of a “rough patch,” our initial reaction is to flee the pain.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Diet, family, Inspiration, mental health, Relationships Tagged With: attitude, better relationships, conflict, disagreement, happiness, health and happiness, healthier lifestyle, long term relationship, relationships, unrealistic expectations

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