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You are here: Home / Archives for relationships

Dealing with Complainers

October 16, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus

They are numerous, ever-present, ubiquitous; present at work, parties, and even family gatherings.

complaining-man-ranting If attitude is indeed contagious, they are the Ebola virus of a positive outlook. Bringing their own “gloomy sunshine” wherever they go, they leave behind a trail of mental and emotional destruction wider than a hurricane’s wake. Should we discover the cure to all illnesses tomorrow, they would protest that it put the doctors out of business.

woman-rantingWe can tell they’re nearby, even before they open their mouths. Dour expressions firmly etched into grim-faced expressions and unconstrained bitterness dripping from their souls, they pummel, pound, and persist until they reveal the dark cloud behind any silver lining. Even after short encounters with these denizens of dourness, their dark energy can drain the happiness from even the most upbeat individual. They are Eyore to our Tigger, Ying to our Yang, frowns to our smiles; they are (insert ominous music…) the “bearers of badatude.”

Whether it’s due to the state of the world, the change in seasons, or just bad luck, they do seem to have multiplied lately. (Maybe it’s their mating season?) For whatever the reason, it seems more difficult to avoid them than it used to be.

Ever the helper — and in the interest of public service and a better community attitude — I offer a few suggestions on how to deal with complainers.

Rule One: Understand that when a freight train is roaring down the tracks at you, GET OUT OF THE FREAKIN’ WAY! Do not plant yourself firmly, attempting to block its path, expecting to convince it to take the switch. Instead, realize that batatude folks are better about plowing you over and dragging your formerly upbeat demeanor into a negative mood than you will ever be at changing their direction. They are professionals; having honed the dark art to a fine talent, they inflict bad attitude among even the most optimistic individuals. You — on the other hand — pale in experience when it comes to turning it around. It’s not a fair competition; don’t even try. You will lose. Move elsewhere; if not physically, then certainly to the happy place in your head.

Having not been able to circumnavigate Mister Miserable, the next step is to put it in perspective by employing the “Five Year Rule.”

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Conflict Management, mental health, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude Tagged With: attitude, bad attitude, complainers, dealing with others, feelings, five year rule, frustration, holidays, relationships

Take Time to Show Those You Care That You Care

August 26, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Special Romantic Monday Motivational Memo:

Mary-Ann-&-I-under-golden-chain

My wife, Mary Ann Testagrossa, and I just got back from spending our anniversary weekend together.

Well, technically, our anniversary is August 27.  We will have been married 13 years on that date (and we’ve been together for almost 20). Now, I realize that 13 years (or even 20) is not as long as some have been together – but it’s the longest we’ve ever been together, you know?

So, in honor of happier relationships everywhere (whether they be marriages, partnerships, friendships, or just folks living in the same house), I provide a tool to keep them fresh.

Every day, take just a couple of minutes to with someone who matters.

Ask and answer these four questions:

  1. What did I do today that you liked?
  2. What did I do today that you would prefer I change?
  3. How would you like me to change it?
  4. What would you like me to do tomorrow for you?

Then, make a commitment to do it.

It only take a few minutes but the results will last a lifetime.

What ideas do you have to improve your best relationships? Please tell us.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, family, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: happiness, healthy relationships, love and happiness, marriage, relationships

Five words to change your life

August 7, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

book-with-words

Small words carry powerful impact.

We do not live in isolation, always interacting with and relying on others.

To make those relationships healthier, a sage counselor advised me that one must know when — and how — to use four simple words:

  • Yes
  • No
  • Ouch
  • Next

Accepting gifts, compliments, and assistance with grace — and reciprocating such actions — requires liberal use of the word, “Yes.” Since no two people run parallel all the time, it’s essential to speak up in order to prevent resentment, boundary violation, and be true to our morals. We therefore understand the appropriate, but not excessive, application of, “No.” Despite good intent, others are only human and will push too far, inflicting pain. In such circumstances, we utter, “Ouch.” Finally, when nothing more can be done; the relationship is tattered and torn; the dialog consisting only of heated exchanges of “No” and “Ouch,” it’s time to move on: “Next.”

The concept seemed so simplistic that at first I ignored it.

Yet, over time, I realized its power. Simple can be extremely effective.

Part of its clout is that although this system works brilliantly with people-relationships, it is as efficient in relationship with one’s own habits. Upon analyzing any behavior, question one is, “Is this behavior serving me well?” If  “Yes,” soldier on. If “No”, more analysis is in order. Does the behavior merely need to be tweaked to alleviate the pain (“Ouch”) or is it time to bid it farewell (“Next”)? [Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, Failure, mental health, Newspaper Column, Overcoming Obstacles, Overcoming Perfectionsim Tagged With: boundary violation, change, embarrassment, morals, relationships, resentment, unhealthy habits

How Much Work Does Your Relationship Require?

July 29, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

If your long term relationship seems like all work and no play for a long time, it’s in trouble.

couple-at-restaurant-bag-on-head
On the other hand, if it’s all play and no work for a long time, it’s not real – and it won’t last when things get tough. (And all relationships have tough times.)

Honest adult relationships are about 80% companionship and 20% business.

If you cannot “do business” together, you won’t be able to live together. Conversely, if it’s all business, it feels like you’ve never left the job – and who needs that?

Take time every day to make sure you work well together and that you spend time together.

(Yes, we lead busy lives, but if we cannot take 20 minutes a day for the most important person in our lives, than is he or she really that important to us?)

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, family, Motivational Monday, planning, Relationships Tagged With: adult relationships, attitude, better relationships, coaching service, companionship, life balance, long term relationship, relationships, weight loss, work

Funny Video: How to Say Goodbye

July 9, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

There’s a whole lot of testosterone in this video but it doesn’t take away from the humor.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: humor, Video Tagged With: farewell, goodbye, humor, relationships

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