Overcoming Resistance to Change

February 20, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Rarely – if at all – does anyone WANT to change.

The results of the change are what actually motivate us.

Keep your focus on those.

“Logically,” we usually know what to do to improve our health and our lives. We just don’t do it.

Why?

Usually, it’s because we’re focusing on the mental work it takes. That seems taxing and overwhelming and not worth the effort. Therefore, we quit.

The key is to focus on the benefits you will receive by doing the work. For example, don’t focus on how hard it is to stick to your diet; picture how you’ll feel in one hour when you’ve resisted the habit.

In effect, focus on where you will be from your efforts, not what it’s taking to achieve them.

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Overcoming the Negative

February 14, 2012 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

It’s impossible to go through life without experiencing negativity.

A cheating spouse, a horrible boss, a conniving friend or family member; the list is endless, and we’ve all had at least one negative experience in our lives. It’s important, however, that we overcome those negative people and experiences so that we can learn, move on, and live.

Here’s how I overcame a negative personal experience.

I dated someone for nearly seven years and was expecting for us to grow old together, happily-bickering into our late years. I was sorely mistaken, so mistaken in fact that I was caught off guard when he broke up with me… over a social network. I later found out that he had been cheating on me for quite some time.

My initial reaction to the break-up was to harp on the fact that not only had he broken up with me, someone he claimed to love, in such an insensitive, cruel way, but on top of everything he had been so conniving as to be unfaithful. I just couldn’t let it go; it consumed me and was all I could think about. I was stuck. I couldn’t begin moving on because I wasn’t allowing myself; I was just so concentrated on being outraged with the way he had treated me and our relationship. Now, nearly a year after this experience, I have a completely different perspective. Like that Cardigans song, “You live, you learn,” and here is what I learned one needs to do to overcome a negative experience:

Analyze Your Situation

My mistake in overcoming my negative experience was harping on what this man had done to me. What we need to do when something negative happens to us, is understand that:

It happened.
Someone else perpetrated the negative action brought against us.
We cannot control what that person decided to do.

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Calibrating Your Thought Compass: Which Thought Feels Better?

February 7, 2012 by Featured Author

By Dave Berman

Your feelings reflect your thoughts.

It may often seem that your emotional state is caused by external circumstances, but this “outside-in” paradigm is an illusion and your reality is actually created “inside-out.” The Thought Compass is a way to remember how true this is and to guide you in selecting better feeling, more useful thoughts.

Just as a regular compass points north and helps you find your way in the forest, your Thought Compass is calibrated to True North, represented by holding both arms straight out in front of you with the palms of your hands together. In this position, you sense connection to your inner wisdom, an emotional GPS system. You are aware of feelings of freedom, love, joy, appreciation, knowledge and empowerment. True North indicates high quality thinking that can be believed, trusted and acted upon. Take a moment now to recognize your relationship to True North. Find some thoughts that bring you to this good feeling place.

Feelings are always the indicator of when your thinking is on course, as well as when thoughts are off course. Remember a time now when you had to make a big decision but weren’t yet ready to choose. Indecision is common. Use your Thought Compass now to calibrate how it feels. Keep your left arm straight in front of you and begin moving your right arm clockwise until you find the point that represents this feeling. Indecision, by definition, is a lack of readiness to take action. Notice the contrast between this feeling and True North, where you do feel that inner direction to take action. Sometimes we may call this a “gut instinct.” When it kicks in, it means you’re ready to believe the thoughts causing that feeling, ready to take action based on them, and you’ve calibrated back to True North.

Play around with some other feelings now.

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Focus on Success

January 23, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Focus on how far you’ve come, not how far you have to go.

But keep moving forward.

It’s almost always frustrating when we compare where we are to where we want to go. It’s better to compare where you are to where you started. That way, you’ll see the progress.

Even if it’s not much, it’s validation that you’re on your way and that you’re moving forward.

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Setting Realistic Goals & Resolutions

January 2, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Each goal is made up of an unlimited number of smaller goals.

The problems with New Year’s resolutions are that most people aren’t really committed to them but feel they “should” make them because everyone else is; or they are committed to them but they make them too large and unwieldy.

If you’d like to make some changes for the new year:

1. Make sure it’s something YOU WANT or NEED to change, and not something you feel you SHOULD change

2. Realize there will be some discomfort in the process – but you will be able to hande it. (After all, if there’s no discomfort, nothing is changing.)

3. Make the end goal the result of a series of very small steps rather than one large one. (In other words, it’s not about losing 25 pounds this year, it’s about losing 2 pounds a month.)

Possibly, the most important; focus on the benefits you’ll receive from the change, not the work it will take.

They’re both true, but one will move you forward and one will frustrate you.

By the way, you can resolve to change any time you want. It doesn’t have to be on January 1. (Just sayin’…)

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« Previous Page

Overcoming Resistance to Change

Rarely – if at all – does anyone WANT to change.

The results of the change are what actually motivate us.

Keep your focus on those.

In effect, focus on where you will be from your efforts, not what it’s taking to achieve them.

Overcoming the Negative

It’s impossible to go through life without experiencing negativity.

Here’s how I overcame a negative personal experience.

Analyze Your Situation

Calibrating Your Thought Compass: Which Thought Feels Better?

Your feelings reflect your thoughts.

Play around with some other feelings now.

Focus on Success

Focus on how far you’ve come, not how far you have to go.

But keep moving forward.

Setting Realistic Goals & Resolutions

Each goal is made up of an unlimited number of smaller goals.

Possibly, the most important; focus on the benefits you’ll receive from the change, not the work it will take.

They’re both true, but one will move you forward and one will frustrate you.

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