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You are here: Home / Archives for mental health

Living in the Here and Now

November 28, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Time is relative —

and who better to know that than Albert Einstein, who said,

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour.  Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.”

This concept affects us in virtually everything we do.

You need an unpleasant medical procedure, like a root canal. An appointment is scheduled a few weeks out. So, why is it that the days prior to the appointment fly by; yet, once you’re firmly planted in the chair, the minutes can’t move fast enough?

Your dream vacation, 14 days in a tropical paradise, is approaching in two weeks. Waiting to get on the plane takes “forever.” However, once you land, you know those exact same 14 days will shoot by at light-speed.

This fluidity boils down to a simple, twisted fact:

The more we want something, the longer it takes to get here and the faster it zips by. As a corollary, the more we want to avoid something, the quicker it shows up and the longer it remains.

Referencing the previous examples, since I really, really want to be in Hawaii, the wait-time to experience it is long-drawn-out. Yet, in a cruel twist of fate, since I don’t want to leave once I’m there, the time on vacation dissipates very quickly.

On the other hand, because I would do virtually anything to avoid being subjected to a dental drill, that appointment approaches more rapidly. However, since I so want to bolt from the dental chair, the period in which it holds me hostage slows to a crawl.

The concept of time’s flexibility is not new.

Though understanding it can make a significant impact on how to change one’s habits.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Diet, mental health, Newspaper Column, Self Talk, willpower Tagged With: anxieties, concept of time, diet, habit change, time passing, willpower

How to Forgive After a Divorce

November 20, 2012 by Featured Author

by Neil Keifer

When most people get married they hope it will last throughout their lifetime. However, sometimes that’s simply not the case. When two people get a divorce it can often turn ugly. This can leave both parties with resentment towards things done and said during a divorce. In order to move forward it is necessary to forgive the other party and move on. There are several key things to keep in mind if you have gone through a divorce and are trying to begin the healing process. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Guest Author, mental health, Relationships Tagged With: anger, disagreement, dysfunctional marriage, emotions, forgiveness, happiness, healing, healing process, marriage, perspective, relationship, relationships

How to Have a Happier Holiday Season

November 15, 2012 by Featured Author

The magic of holiday music, lights and excitement resonates with my soul.

Every year, I look forward to this time of year. But I haven’t always felt so positive; as a young adult, I struggled to enjoy the season.

During my childhood, the holidays were all about presents, snow and cookies. After I moved out on my own, I realized I needed to grow up, and the holidays began to lose their magic.

I now had to work to afford presents for my family and friends. I couldn’t always take off work to celebrate with my family. Some years, I didn’t even have gas money for the drive home. When my family decided to visit me, I had to keep the house clean and tidy. And I still had to go to work every day.

Keeping on track with my fitness routine was hard too.

I usually gained 10 pounds because I was too busy to work out, and I gave in to the temptation from all the seasonal sweets.

In time, the stress became unbearable. I started resenting the season. I wished I could crawl under a blanket in October and emerge in January. I stopped attending holiday parties and resented family get-togethers. I embodied Scrooge, and everyone around me knew it.

Then a few years ago, I heard about seasonal affective disorder. A friend casually mentioned that her sister always felt depressed during the holidays. Bright lights and a support group gave her a better outlook on the season.

I decided to talk to my doctor, and he discussed sources of the holiday blues. Physical fatigue, financial pressure, family conflict and unrealistic expectations were the cause of my depression. He suggested a few useful techniques that helped me overcome the holiday blues.

First, I stopped worrying about expectations. The holiday season is fun, but I can’t do everything. I have to choose the most valuable and important traditions and let everything else go. Holiday cards were the first expectation I dropped. I can always send a free electronic greeting card to the people I don’t see every day. My stress level lowered immediately, and I decided to cut down on the decorations this year. I’ll hang the lights, but the rest of the décor will stay in a box in my garage or get donated to charity.

Next on my list was the food. Homemade sweets and seasonal buffets taste great, but they’re not great for my waistline or mood. I decided to indulge in a few bites of my favorite sweets only during parties and keep up my healthy eating regimen.

I’m also going to stay physically active. Last year, I committed to following my normal workout schedule, and I felt good physically and emotionally.

My family will be visiting my house for a meal this year. I’ll tidy up before they come over, but they’ll have to clean up any dust bunnies they point out. I want to enjoy spending time with my family, not stress out over the cleanliness of my home.

We also decided to forgo gifts. Instead, we’ll enjoy being together as we play games and watch old home movies.

To adults, the holidays may never regain the magic they had when we were kids, but they can be enjoyable.

If you feel stressed, depressed or unmotivated to celebrate this year, talk to your doctor. He can give you tips on recognizing the signs of depression and finding the joy again. Bust the holiday blues this season when you give yourself permission to feel the magic again.

About the Author: Danielle writes on behalf of Sears and other brands she uses. This Christmas, she’s asking Santa for a treadmill so she can channel her stress into physical activity all year long. She hopes it will also help her deal with post-holiday blues as she exercises away all the extra calories she will inevitably consume.

Filed Under: Asking for help, Guest Author, Health, mental health Tagged With: expectation, family and friends, family conflict, holiday blues, holiday season, physical fatigue, seasonal affective disorder, stress level, unrealistic expectations

It Could Almost Always be Worse

October 31, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

If the economy is not doing well, don’t blame our house.

We’ve been pouring out enough cash to keep a crew of drunken sailors spending through re-enlistment.

It’s not necessarily because we want to; it’s just — well, you know — sometimes life kicks in. And when you own a house, it needs repairs. Unfortunately, they’re all at one time. We weighed the alternatives: save money versus living in a cave, but what can I say? We like the finer things — like walls.

Within the last week, we had to hire someone to cover up several patches on the house’s exterior where paint was peeling. Normally, my wife and I would do that, but the spots were near the roof and we didn’t have a ladder that long. (Besides, either of us on a high ladder? Not a good idea, even on the best days…)

While getting those walls retouched, we discovered windows with leaky frames. Ka-ching! That’ll set up back some coin. As it also turns out, the bathroom is leaking like a sieve in to the garage. It turns out we are putting a plumber to work now too, and — because of said leak — might also hire a carpenter. We sure hope so! We just love stimulating the local economy!

As they say in those TV ads, “But, wait! There’s more!”

Every year, we avoid turning on our home’s heater until November first. Since October can be chilly, we practically sleep in parkas, while donning sweaters and jackets all day long. I’m not complaining (much), because we save a few dollars — as well as feel we’re being good stewards of the environment. I don’t know if you’ve looked at a calendar, but — Hooray! It’s November! “Sweet heater, bring unto us your warmth!”

Guess what. I flipped the switch, and, nothing. Nada. Silence. No wondrous balminess doth emanate from its magical vents. I’m just guessin’ here, but I’ll wager that repair won’t be a freebie.

As the adage goes, “When life gives you lemons, they’re usually really bitter, nasty, ones.”

Okay, maybe that’s not the expression, but it feels like it, because on top of the home repairs, a few family members have hit rough patches. We’re not codependent, but there’s also a set of priorities by which we live. So, when family needs you, you do what you can, which in this case involved our checking account.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: family, Gratitude, humor, Inspiration, mental health, Newspaper Column Tagged With: carpenter, disrepair, home maintenance, hurricane katrina, hurricane sandy, life gives you lemons, paint, perceptions, when life gives you lemons

Seeking Long-Term-Relationship, Must Share Common Values

October 24, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus

We are imperfect beings; therefore so too are our relationships.

We engage mouth before activating brain. We dismiss our partner’s concerns as irrelevant. We can be inconsiderate, petty, or cranky. It’s part of the human condition; we mess up, and since we live with others, we hurt them. We don’t intend to — but we cannot deny that we do. It matters not how much energy you put into it, nor how long you’ve been together; even the finest relationships cause some pain.

At our end of days, should we be so fortunate to take inventory of our most important relationships and can proclaim them as  “good” more times than not; then indeed they were “good.”

A successful long-term-relationship is not without flaw; rather, it:

  • Incurs less damage during conflicts
  • Recovers from that hurt more quickly and fully
  • Tilts the scale in the direction of “happy” rather than “unhappy”

Short of choosing the wrong partner — those whose relationships fall asunder did not necessarily disagree more often than those with “good” relationships. Instead they had unrealistic expectations, conflating conflict with failure; and did not possess a method to handle disagreement when it raised its unpleasant, but unavoidable, head.

When any relationship is smack dab in the midst of a “rough patch,” our initial reaction is to flee the pain.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Diet, family, Inspiration, mental health, Relationships Tagged With: attitude, better relationships, conflict, disagreement, happiness, health and happiness, healthier lifestyle, long term relationship, relationships, unrealistic expectations

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