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Getting Past What Holds You Back with Baby Boomer Weight Loss Expert Scott 'Q' Marcus

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You are here: Home / Archives for Asking for help

5 Things You Can Do to be Happier & More Successful Starting NOW

January 20, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Improving oneself is not difficult. It might be uncomfortable. It might be slow; but difficult? Not so much. Figure out what you want to change; figure out a way to do it, move in that direction, correct as necessary.

So why don’t most people change?

Our problem is we make it too complicated. Some of the reasons we do that include:

  • We think simplicity means lack of drive
  • We are setting ourselves up for failure to get people to leave us alone (read related post)
  • We think it will get us there faster

In reality, the simpler we make it, the more likely we will achieve it. We have built our lives over years with patterns and habits to fill our days. It’s as if we have built a brick fortress around us. If we try and make too many changes, we have to knock out huge sections of the fortress; we won’t do that. If we can just rearrange a few bricks, we’re more likely to fit that in (read related post here).

So, with that in mind, I offer a very simple Five-Step Plan to make change now.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Excuses, Failure, goals, Group Support, Habits, Health, Member Benefits, Overcoming Obstacles, Overcoming Perfectionsim, planning, Procrastination, Psychology, resolutions, Scott's Rules, Success Tagged With: failure, goal setting, health, making change, planning, simplicity, small steps

Using Goals as an Excuse to Avoid Achieving Them

January 20, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Sometimes goals are used as an excuse to actually avoid changing.

At first blush that sounds counter intuitive, doesn’t it? We set up goals or resolutions in order to change and improve ourselves. But, after some discussion I’ve been having with a client, I realized that we set some goals up, as excuses to avoid making change. It might not be consciously or intentional, but even so, we’re doing it.

As an example, suppose we have family members who are on our backs about losing weight or quitting smoking. We might not want to (even though we know they’re right) or we might not be ready or we might not believe we can accomplish our goals. So, in order to avoid dealing with the hassle of our family, we throw our hands up over our head and say, “Fine! I’ll lose the weight!” Then, we set up such an unrealistic goal that it’s virtually impossible to accomplish it so after a short while we can quit. When people say, “What happened?” We can say, “I tried. What else can I do?” and hopefully get them off our back. (To read a humorous post about use of the word “trying,” follow this link.)

In an earlier post I wrote about a “composite client” who I felt was making goals that were so large, he was setting himself up for failure. He has repeated “tried” (there’s that word again) to lose weight but has never move very far along his path. To help him out, I asked him to be more specific in his goals and to make smaller steps. In an update to me, he said:

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Change, Excuses, Failure, Intentions, Overcoming Obstacles, Overcoming Perfectionsim, planning, Power of Attitude, Procrastination, Self Talk, Success, Think 1st Tagged With: denial, failure, journals, little steps, losing weight, resolutions, unrealistic goal

Perfection vs Progress: Trying too Much Can Hold You Back as Much as Doing too Little

January 9, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I received a message from a client today. I’m modifying it somewhat to protect privacy but it triggered some thoughts that I want to share.

I went to the gym today. Did 30 minutes on the elliptical, 20 minutes on the bike, and 15 minutes of weights. This afternoon, I signed up at the local community college for several PE classes.  I’m taking three classes: Yoga, weight lifting, and Pilates. At this point, doing an aerobics class isn’t permissible with my weight and back. However, if I can maintain a reasonable weight loss over the next 16 weeks, maybe an aerobics class might be a possibility. I will continue to go to my gym to get a cardio workout, of course. However, having these classes that I have to go to will be good motivation.

I wrote down everything I ate today for the 35th day in a row …  I’m done with feeling sorry for myself; that doesn’t help me. Just one step at a time is all I can do for right now, and I do think I’m making progress.

What I wrote back, not that she was asking:

I am impressed with all you’re doing; you’ve turned into a machine.

However, a question: Is it sustainable? No judgment is implied here, it’s just a sincere question. Make sure that the path you choose is one that you will continue, not one that will overwhelm you. If you can honestly keep  up with everything you’ve set out to do, by all means stick with it. If it’s going to consume you and you’ll give up due to the sheer volume of time and lifestyle change it will involve, it’s much better to choose a smaller set of activies and stay with them because you’ll do those longer and incorporate them into your life.

The problem…

(continued below the image)

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Diet, Failure, Overcoming Obstacles, Overcoming Perfectionsim, Scott's Rules, Self Talk, Success Tagged With: aerobics class, cardio workout, lifestyle change, motivation, perfectionism, weight loss, yoga

What Can we Learn from the Golden Voice Homeless Man?

January 6, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus

I've been monitoring the whole Ted Williams (homeless man with the golden voice) story and I have to admit I'm sucked into it.

I found myself crying with joy over his newfound "Susan Boyle" discovery. But my question is "Why?"

I don't mind feeling the way I do. And as I posted previously, we respond to feelings, not logic. However, what is the deep connection that so many of us are feeling about this story? I know we would not connect as well if he had not had such a tough life – but he also brought that upon himself (which I say without judgment). If he was not humble, we wouldn't relate either. So, I know it's about overcoming obstacles and being your better self – but I think there's more to it.

I welcome comments. I want to continue with this story.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Filed Under: Asking for help, Change, News, Overcoming Obstacles, Video Tagged With: emotion, feelings, golden voice, homeless man, humble, humility, redemption, success, susan boyle, ted williams, your better self

Getting Support: If You Could Do It Alone, It Would Have Already Been Done

December 22, 2010 by Scott "Q" Marcus

I just finished meeting with my fellow Humboldt County speakers. We’re not a large group; maybe about 10 of us but we all use speaking and training as part of our income; some more than others. We meet at my house and today there were five of us.

Some people think that they can do it “alone.” I imagine they can. My question is “Why?” We are communal creatures. We build cities and societies because we like (and need) to be with others. Not to mention, that the collective mind can usually come up with more ideas than a solitary mind. The ideas might not be the best but with the power of a group, one can see what works, what would not, and make modifications as necessary.

Without a mere handful of people today, I received:

  • Support
  • Fresh Ideas
  • Camaraderie
  • A break from being behind my desk

As a therapist once said to me, “Even powerful people have needs.” It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help nor to be in a group. It actually makes things easier and better.

Filed Under: Asking for help, goals, Group Support, planning, Relationships Tagged With: camaraderie, getting help, humboldt speakers, large group, speakers, support

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