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You are here: Home / Archives for perception

You are not who you think you were

August 26, 2022 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I get sucked down the social media rabbit hole too easily. Like the dog in the animated film “Up” getting distracted by a squirrel, a bright shiny meme can jerk me into the vortex like a black hole. Sometimes that which crosses my feed, in the vernacular of my younger days, “blows my mind.”

Such was the case from a post from the group, “Empaths, Old Souls & Introverts”, mostly quoted verbatim:

“…the person you think of as ‘yourself’ exists only for you, and even you don’t really know who that is. Every person you meet, have a relationship with, or make eye contact with, creates a version of ‘you’ in their heads. You’re not the same person to your mom, dad, or siblings as you are to your coworkers, neighbors, or friends. There are thousands of different versions of yourself in people’s minds. A ‘you’ exists in each version, and yet your ‘you,’ which you call ‘yourself,’ isn’t really a ‘someone’ at all.”

We are therefore the mash-up of our own perceptions mingled with those of each person who has ever met us. None of us know who we truly, completely, really are; we think we do. We’re closest to our true selves than anyone else, yet still, there are facets of us that are unknown and untested. Each of us has been embarrassed, ashamed, or inspired by actions we took; not knowing we would do so until we did.

Additionally, no matter how briefly, each person who interacts with us creates a story about who they perceive us to be, entirely based on how we look and act, flavored by how well they think they know us. They react to their opinions – not to reality – with behaviors. We, in turn, respond to their reactions, creating a transient, fluid, interwoven, back-and-forth of experiences, thoughts, circumstances, and perceptions of ourselves and others, which is as close to who is the “real you” as possible.

Moreover, the “you” of today is not the same “you” that you will be as tomorrow becomes yesterday, and each of us can certainly attest that the “you” of our past no longer exists.

There are real-world impacts to this esoteric, heady concept.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, Newspaper Column, Psychology, Self Talk Tagged With: aging, attitude, change, early childhood, happiness, lifestyle change, negative self talk, perception, quality of life, self talk

Your Life Stories

May 21, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

In college, a good friend of mine introduced himself to others not with the rote “How are you,” but rather, “Hi, I’m Tom. What’s your story?”

man-and-woman-introduction-handshake

It threw me off, as it always seemed abrasive. I dismissed it as maybe some kind of “raised-in-Brooklyn thing.” Yet, I couldn’t overlook the responses he received.

After the usually initial reaction of shock, those that did not reply with “Huh?” opened themselves up with a sometimes startling level of intimacy, revealing not what they did for a living or reciting the social version of name, rank, and serial number; but rather where they had been, how they felt, and what made them tick.

Each of us carries with us a story waiting to be told, given the right opportunity.

Equally true is that we all ascribe storylines to people we see, which may or may not be accurate. As long as we’re into this area of metaphor, it’s the counterpart of judging a book by its cover. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Beliefs, Communicating, Inspiration, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Relationships Tagged With: better relationships, family, happiness, judging others, judgments, perception, perception of others, relationships

Perception is Reality

January 21, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Perception is reality.

If someone feels something – whether or not you do – then they feel it.

Rather than trying to convince them to feel something else – which rarely ends with the results you’ll both want – acknowledge what they feel as accurate, then try to understand it and help figure out how to help them feel safe in what they feel.

Once you do that, you’re more likely to both get what you want.

Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

Filed Under: Communicating, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: family conflict, handling conflict, perception, perception is reality

Exchange Gratitude for Frustration

March 19, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Happy dog attitude

The key to happiness is understanding a “good” life is not a “perfect” life.

It is simply a good life “more times than not.”

When we get frustrated about how “lousy” our lives appear to be, it’s time to take a look at the big picture.

Odds are, we’re comparing reality to a perfect, idyllic image of life; which is never going to happen.

Slow down, focus on what’s going well (especially when it seems like that’s a very short list). Take a deep breath. Smile (even you feel like it’s a forced smile).

Then, look back again on where you are. It will be better.

The funny thing is nothing changed except your perception.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Member Benefits, Motivation, Motivational Monday Tagged With: attitude, big picture, emotions, feelings, frustration, gratitude, happiness, inspiration, motivation, perception, perfect life, quality of life, smile, thankfulness

Opening the Door: Change Your View, Change Your Attitude

December 7, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

The career of “motivational speaker” is, at its basic level, not dissimilar from most other occupations.

It’s a job. Hopefully, one gets fulfillment — beyond what he’s paid — out of doing it. (Be assured that those who make big bucks for speeches are — like with most careers — the exception, not the rule.) Granted, it has its perks. There’s very little heavy lifting or backbreaking labor, and since you’re fortunate to be your own boss, you can watch your kids play soccer, or take a long walk along the beach during the day. Again, however, like any other way of earning a paycheck, it has ups and downs.

In the same fashion that comedians might always be expected to be funny; or therapists should always be insightful; one con of this profession is people expect you to be, well, motivational. After all, a “motivational speaker” who is constantly whining doesn’t seem like he’d be much in demand, does he?

Of course, despite common perception, we are “normal,” with emotional highs and lows; and of late, for whatever reason; I’m in a valley. There have been many mornings when I’d rather pull the blankets up over my head, be left alone, and just go back to sleep. “Motivational” would not be the first word you would use to describe me pre-coffee. Mostly, I work alone, so it’s usually not problematic — but not always. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Gratitude, Happiness, Inspiration, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude Tagged With: attitude, cranky pants, emotions, feelings, fulfillment, happiness, highs and lows, how to improve your attitude, inspiration, motivation, occupations, perception, perfect day, profession, quality of life, speeches, thankfulness, ups and downs

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