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You are here: Home / Archives for self talk

Celebrating Values

June 30, 2021 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Sometimes, I have a clear and direct idea of where I’m going before I start these columns.

I can see the way visibly laid out in front of me. Alas, those days are rare. Mostly, I stare at a blank screen until my muse makes herself known. Sadly, she might not stay. Other times, the column takes on a mind of its own. I start out going one way but end up somewhere else. Today is one of those days. We will commence in one direction, but — fair warning — will take a sharp turn. Fret not, however, I will bring you home.

That said when did answering the phone become an invitation for someone to sell you a car warranty, lie about an arrest warrant out for you, or threaten you because your computer was “messing up the internet”? We don’t pick up anymore unless it’s a number we sure-fire recognize.

Not paying attention, I made the mistake of sliding “accept the call.”

“How are you?” asked a heavily-accented man.

Yanked back into awareness, irritated by what I judged was going to be a scam, I indignantly replied. “I died last night.”

Waited long enough to hear his reply before hanging up; I heard him say, flummoxed. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

I find the delivered-without-thought question, “How are you?” to be disingenuous. Don’t get me wrong; when asked by someone who knows and cares about your actual well-being, it’s a sincere, kind query. Yet typically, we say it because, well, I’m not sure. I guess we don’t want to appear rude. However, asking a personal question when, in reality, you don’t want to take the time to hear the honest answer is indeed rude. Just sayin’…

Oft times, I’ll respond with an expression I learned from talk show host Thom Hartmann, “I’m great – but I’ll get better.” Some laugh, finding the retort clever, shattering the mold of what they expected to hear. Others have said, “Oh no! I hope you get better soon,” obviously not listening to the reply, but wanting to move on to their real agenda and avoid the unpleasantness of listening to someone’s ailments.

Yep, you guessed it; I’m a little cranky today. Shields up.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Holidays, Hope, humor, Inspiration, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Self Talk Tagged With: action, attitude, beliefs, change, holiday, humor, independence day, inspiration, self talk, values

Seeking Joy in Difficult Times

August 5, 2020 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Twenty-twenty was supposed to be “our” year.

My wife is crossing into a significant new decade age-wise (aren’t they all?). I was supposed to “retire” – in whatever definition that was. This month commemorates our twentieth anniversary; we were planning a recommitment shindig and a nice long tropical vacation. Buzzing with anticipation for all that would come this year; that was us last December.

Said John Lennon, “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.”

The year literally began with a bad case of the flu on January 1. That should have been an omen. On the same day, our eldest cat’s health began a steep too-rapid decline, leading to what would be his passing a few months hence. Want more? We unearthed extremely distressing news about a family member; the kind of tabloid information you’d hear on one of those daytime TV dysfunction fests. Less important, but still adding to the pressure, our washing literally burned up and our sink’s faucet could have been replaced with a fountain. I’m sure you’ve got stories too.

We tried focusing on the positive. Knowing Tiger’s passing was imminent, we promised that after it happened, we’d grieve, lick our wounds for a short while, and then get away for a few days just the two of us; something we haven’t been able to do in too long. Afterward, we’d put together plans for our “Celebrate 2020” vacation. Panama Canal cruise? Trip to Europe? Two weeks in Hawaii? The choices were endless – and invigorating.

Yeah, not so much.

I am so disappointed about how this year has evolved.

I know. It’s not just me; it’s you too. It’s the elderly couple across the street self-isolating. It’s the maid at the Best Western who was let go due to a lack of guests. Grocery clerks insufficiently protected by panels of acrylic are feeling it. Health care providers are suffering PTSD. Mom and pop restauranteurs feel immeasurable guilt about laying off employees; simply hoping to survive. Teachers want to return to classrooms, but not at the risk of dying. Spiritual communities and self-help groups are shuttered.

It’s a cluster.

EVERYONE is disappointed; it’s the global zeitgeist.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Happiness, Health, Inspiration, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Self Talk Tagged With: covid, covid 19, enjoying life, finding inner peace, joy, pandemic, self isolate, self talk

What You Say To Yourself Affects What You Do To Yourself

March 9, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Habits Happen bumpersticker

In reality, habits do not just “happen.”

They are the end result of a chain consisting of thoughts which lead to feelings which lead to actions. If you wish to change the actions long-term, you must change your internal dialog first. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, Diet, goals, mental health, Motivational Monday, Overcoming Obstacles, Self Talk, Success Tagged With: be kind to yourself, habit change, negative self talk, positive self image, self disgust, self esteem, self talk

Choose Your Identity

November 5, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

We have multiple identities.

woman-without-face-holding-face-on-mask

Lest you get concerned and think I’m talking about hearing voices instructing to do evil unto others, let me expand.

I’ll use me as an example; the identities I cannot change include:

  • Son
  • Father
  • Born of Jewish background in Detroit, Michigan in 1954 to Ruth and Symore (sic) Marcus

No matter what happens, nor how long I live, those will always be correct. But, they alone don’t make me who I am.

Therefore, my “core” must be found by other manners in which I identify.

  • 60-year old
  • Man
  • Husband
  • Resident of Eureka, California
  • American Citizen
  • Writer/Speaker/Consultant

These descriptions, while accurate, are more fluid than the first set.

I mean, we know for a fact that I can only identify as a “60-year-old” for this year; but do I change who I am if I change my marital status, residence, or even my gender? I think we’d all agree, that I would still be me. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Change, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude Tagged With: handling change, self acceptance, self fulfilling prophecy, self image, self talk

Believe in Yourself as Much as you Believe in Others

August 25, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

hands-reaching-outWe are incredibly supportive of our friends and our family.

When they doubt themselves, we are easily able to inspire, encourage, and invigorate them up with all sorts of compliments. As importantly, we truly believe what we’re telling them too.

Yet, when we are talking about ourselves we are not as good of a friend.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Communicating, Motivational Monday, Overcoming Obstacles, Self Talk, Success Tagged With: encouragement, family, friendships, frustration, inner doubts, negative self talk, overcoming obstacles, self talk, support

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