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Getting Past What Holds You Back with Baby Boomer Weight Loss Expert Scott 'Q' Marcus

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You are here: Home / Archives for judging others

Your Life Stories

May 21, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

In college, a good friend of mine introduced himself to others not with the rote “How are you,” but rather, “Hi, I’m Tom. What’s your story?”

man-and-woman-introduction-handshake

It threw me off, as it always seemed abrasive. I dismissed it as maybe some kind of “raised-in-Brooklyn thing.” Yet, I couldn’t overlook the responses he received.

After the usually initial reaction of shock, those that did not reply with “Huh?” opened themselves up with a sometimes startling level of intimacy, revealing not what they did for a living or reciting the social version of name, rank, and serial number; but rather where they had been, how they felt, and what made them tick.

Each of us carries with us a story waiting to be told, given the right opportunity.

Equally true is that we all ascribe storylines to people we see, which may or may not be accurate. As long as we’re into this area of metaphor, it’s the counterpart of judging a book by its cover. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Beliefs, Communicating, Inspiration, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Relationships Tagged With: better relationships, family, happiness, judging others, judgments, perception, perception of others, relationships

Getting Out of My Own Way

January 7, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Of late, I’ve taken on yet another new assignment.

I’m “chat coaching,” a steep-learning-curve experience I assure you.

live-chat-keyboard

Should you be unfamiliar with chat coaching, I shall explain. I log into a website from my home computer, which is connected to a main server in cyberspace. On the other side of the void, should someone need guidance, they click on a button on their screen and their “call” is routed to me on my computer. He or she types. I reply via the same method. If you were asking, “Wouldn’t it be easier with a phone?” The answer is probably “yes.” However, that’s not how it works and I’ve agreed to the terms. To be honest, I’m actually growing to enjoy the procedure – short of the carpal tunnel issues for which I must be on guard.

In effect, this type of communication can be best analogized as a very slow moving conversation, especially since the policies require appropriate grammar, correct spelling, and avoiding emoticons and abbreviations (like “BTW” or “LOL”). The repercussions of having such time in between transactions allow one’s thoughts to drift, which lends itself to me making judgments — fair or otherwise — about who is on the other end, based entirely on how long it takes for a reply and what shows up when it happens.

With that as backstory, today someone logged in and began the conversation with the most ridiculously moronic questions.

“Really?” I thought, “Are you serious?”

Her query was so “beyond the pale,” that I first assumed I had snared a “troll.” (No, not the long-haired, full-bellied, naked toys of the seventies. Rather these are nasty individuals who enjoy annoying, frustrating, or insulting other people in cyberspace, merely because they can get away with it.)

Yet, with the passage of a few paragraphs of correspondence, I understood that the young woman on the other end wasn’t trolling, but was instead severely developmentally disabled. Obviously, her skill set allowed use of the system but her text was burdened with so many typos, it was near impossible to untangle, and the speed at which she replied would make a beginning typist feel like a thirty-year executive secretary. But most importantly, she couldn’t grasp even the simplest concepts.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Baby Boomers, Communicating, Gratitude, Inspiration, Newspaper Column Tagged With: frustration, judging others, judgments, perception of others, perceptions

Learning to Love Instead of Judge

April 4, 2013 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

Looking for the road to happiness can seem like a non-stop trek through the jungle.

jungle

As I learned on my journey through life, seeking happiness can take time and the short time before problems or unexpected events occur can seem as fleeting as a wave on the beach. The emotion that is often associated with happiness can wash up and then slide away into negative judgments, harsh beliefs and a jaded point of view.

Facing the Past

Learning to avoid judgment was a problem I faced from the time I was very young. Although I did have moments of contentment during my teen years, my early childhood was a time of constant stress, fear and worry. As a result of a traumatic childhood, I am still unable to recall anything that happened before my teen years.

Although the memories were lost, I often felt anxious when I was talking to adults and I was very aware of differences between people. I found myself judging people based on the most insignificant details, often wondering if that time spent laughing with my friend meant that I would lose that connection. I worried constantly and I was always nervous around those I didn’t know.

As I grew older and realized that I couldn’t remember much, I began withdrawing into myself and judging people more freely. I assumed that others had negative intentions and treated them with a frigid courtesy that barely passed for polite.

It was only after I met a friend at work who was openly friendly and constantly smiling that I learned what I was missing. That feeling of happiness I longed for was within reach and I ultimately asked her for advice on how I could obtain the same cheer and joy.

Her advice helped me reach real happiness, though it took me time to learn how to stop judging others.

Let Go of the Past and Future

Learning to love everyone and give a whole heart is challenging when holding onto a future goal or a past hurt. In my experience, holding onto past prejudice and the hurts caused by others is a fruitless endeavor that ultimately leads to a path of sorrow and anger. The best advice I was given to reach for happiness is to forgive the past and move into the present.

It’s the same for those living for a future goal. While it’s important to set goals, it’s also important to focus on the current situation. The future isn’t here yet, so it’s not possible to enjoy that moment. It’s called the present because it’s a gift, so it’s time to focus on that gift and live in the now.

Release Judgmental Thoughts

Letting go of judgmental thoughts is a hard lesson to learn, but it’s ultimately a key part of happiness. I learned to stop judging others when I began volunteering at the Chickasaw Nation Boys and Girls Club Teamwork Camp. It was there that I learned how similar every individual actually is because we are all imperfect creatures. The Chickasaw teamwork and spirit of togetherness inspired me to move past my own insecurities enough to love everyone around me. Trying to apply the spiritual lessons might seem hard, but it is ultimately about learning to love even the mistakes.

Everyone makes mistakes and judging others for their missteps, accidents or misunderstandings will only make the situation worse. Take a deep breath and let go of the negative thoughts that come from the actions of others. Forgive them for their mistakes and happiness will ultimately follow.

Life is too short to keep judging others.

By letting go of the judgment, focusing on the present and offering forgiveness for hurts, it’s possible to live a happy life.

Filed Under: Gratitude, Guest Author, Happiness, mental health, Power of Attitude Tagged With: contentment, judging others, judgment, judgments, love and happiness

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-05-29

May 29, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

  • Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-05-22 http://nblo.gs/iav5W #
  • @jvento @Fearless_90 Thanks for the publicity about my posting. I appreciate it. #
  • Is it really worth getting upset over it? The Monday Motivational Memo gives you the “5 year rule” for happiness. http://bit.ly/m7sOUT #
  • Is it really worth getting upset over it? The five-year rule puts things in perspective…. http://fb.me/12nbdXLuX #
  • Having relationship problems? Maybe you’re too happy. Hmmm…. http://fb.me/BKCLZs2b #
  • How can judging people less and assuming better of them improve our lives? An interesting evaluation of a… http://fb.me/Ij4Ddjea #
  • How can judging others less & assuming better improve our lives? An interesting study point it out. http://bit.ly/iWG58I #
  • Hanging Out With a Better Class of People: Our Perceptions of Others Affect How We’re Seeing Them: http://EzineArticles.com/6300002 #

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Filed Under: Weekly Twitter Feeds Tagged With: happiness, judging others, perceptions, perspective, publicity, relationship problems, weekly updates

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