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Getting Past What Holds You Back with Baby Boomer Weight Loss Expert Scott 'Q' Marcus

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What Makes One Happy?

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Sometimes, life is just plain freakin’ glorious.

Sitting next to a loved one, inhaling deeply the cool air of an autumn night while watching the sun slip soundlessly over the horizon, casting shades of red, orange, yellow in a broad fan across the sky, backlighting the clouds; can it really get better than that?

Sure, I guess it could. But if life consisted of an unending string of moments such as those, why go to Heaven? It’s all right here.

Actually, when you think about it, our lives are probably pretty good more times than they’re not.

I mean, yeah, “stuff” happens; into every life some crap must fall and all that. But, really, unless life has dealt you unending sucker punches, those moments are thankfully scattered.

To that end, I’ve stolen a line from one of my favorite talk show hosts, Thom Hartmann. When a caller gets on the line, they many times robotically ask, “How are you?” Mr. Hartmann’s reply — which I’ve now commandeered — is “I’m great, but I’ll get better.” Try it sometimes. Others find it perplexing. Oft times only hearing “I’ll get better,” they’ll react, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear things aren’t going well.” If they actually pay attention, in many instances, I’ll get a chuckle. Yet, mostly, they just don’t know how to handle it; no one says how great things are. It’s just not done.

So, why do we so often downplay the beauty and exhilaration that is this thing called “Life?”

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Perfect Moments

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It’s 11:43 PM, the red LED numerals broadcast into the dusky room from the clock on my nightstand.

Teeth brushed and clothed for sleep; I am ready to end another hectic day. While sitting on the edge of the mattress, assessing the activities of the last 18 hours, I am aware of my dog, Willie, snorting and grunting and snoring in his bed, dreaming of chasing cats across our back yard. Speaking of such, our oldest feline, Tiger, has assumed his nightly position, curled up at the foot of the mattress, bogarting far more space than is necessary. (I’m consistently amazed how an eleven-pound feline can manage to hijack half the bed, causing my wife and I to hang on to the edges so we don’t tumble off.) Both kittens, Oreo and Hobbs, sleep soundly on perches in the guest room.

A streetlight, noticeable from our bedroom window, doesn’t shine directly inside; it’s not glaring; more of a faint glow that lightly crawls — just barely — over our neighbor’s roof, allowing for a vague pale light which scarcely illuminates the contours of our room. It’s rather comforting, providing just enough illumination to allow navigation alongside the side of our bed before I slip under the blankets. Upon doing so, laying on my left side, my soulmate, my wife — who went to bed an hour before me — snuggles up behind me (careful not to disturb Tiger). She drapes her right arm over my waist, nestles her face into the back of my neck and falls back to sleep. Reaching my right hand behind me, I pat her on the leg and whisper – so as not to wake her – “I love you.”

A light breeze slides through the screen, caressing us both as we drift off into the waiting arms of Hypnos, the God of Sleep. Before I do so, I make a mental note:

THIS is a Perfect Moment.

I’m aware that it won’t last. I know that in the future, we’ll be thrust into situations unwanted and unpeaceful; yet, right now, this instant, in the present tense – EVERYTHING is as good as it can ever be.

My last conscious thought for the day: Grateful beyond words.

Several weeks ago, I wrote a piece about “being where your feet are;” staying in the present, realizing that the vast majority of time, I couldn’t really ask for more. In the day-to-day hustle-bustle, clang-bang, slammed full of appointments and concerns, I don’t think I’m the only person who forgets how fortunate I really am. My health is fundamentally fine. I have the love of a family and the friendship of countless others. Where so many are shelter or food insecure, I afford my mortgage and keep my refrigerator well stocked.

Could it all change tomorrow? Sure. But, if worry were a cloak of protection, nothing would ever harm us.

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Gratitude or Willpower? What’s More Effective?

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I know I say this a lot. As a matter of fact, I know you do too. So, say it with me, “I can’t believe January is over already.”

With one month down, so too are the majority of New Year’s Resolutions. Sadly, by the end of the first week of the first month, 30 percent of resolutions have gone the way of all flesh. Come year’s end, only eight percent remain; it’s therefore accurate to deduce that over 90 percent of us give up on our commitments by the time the ball drops on the next year. How frustrating.

There are a few reasons.

Most of us set vague goals.

For example, we say, “This year, I’m going to take better care of myself,” or “I’m going to lose weight,” or “stress less.” Intention positive? Yep. But without a specific action plan, it’s a nebulous, free-floating, hazy decree, dissipating as quickly as the fog which hugs the coast on a summer morning.

Another cause for failure is relying too much on the wrong definition of willpower, too often seen as our ability to white-knuckle bully our way through temptation.

Willpower is NOT the ability to take a long-term stand, plant our feet, cross our arms, and defiantly proclaim, “I won’t give in!” Rather, if we reframe the definition to, “I won’t give in THIS ONE TIME,” we alleviate much of the self-imposed pressure, upping the odds we’ll actually accomplish what we say we want.

Willingness to forgo short-term pleasure for a long-term benefit is rarely easy, and when stressed, tired, angry, or sad; it essentially puts us at odds with our own internal drive, paradoxically increasing the stressor and further eroding the potential for success. This causes self-flagellation and – in the end – we throw in the towel “until next year,” repeating yet again the hopeless cycle.

Backing this up are studies conducted by David DeSteno, professor of psychology at Northeastern University, and author of Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride. As he points out,

“Choosing to rely on rational analysis and willpower to stick to our goals, [is] disadvantaging ourselves … If using willpower to keep your nose to the grindstone feels like a struggle, that’s because it is. Your mind is fighting against itself. It’s trying to convince, cajole and, if that fails, suppress a desire for immediate pleasure.”

Professor DeSteno proposes that gratitude and compassion are more likely to yield valuable results because those emotions naturally lead us to be patient, which logically, increases the odds that we’ll stick with a task.

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Living in Constant Uncertainty

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My mother was an avid devotee of Deepak Chopra.

She read his books without end, made sure to record him whenever he was on TV, attended his lectures, and listened to his recordings when she took her morning walk.

You can imagine my surprise when she called me one New Year’s Day and blasted open the phone conversation with the bomb shell, “Don’t ever buy me anything else from Deepak Chopra!”

“Uh, hi Mom,” I stammered, “Happy New Year to you too. What happened? Did he kill or molest someone?”

“Oh goodness no! He’d never do anything like that. He’s a very nice man.”

One might understand my confusion trying to square that circle. “Okay, so why is he now persona non-grata?”

“Did you read what he said in the L.A. Times?”

“No mom. I live in Eureka.”

“Oh, yes, that’s right. Anyway, there’s a piece in the lifestyle section where the reporter asked several celebrities what they wish for their children in the coming year. I can’t believe what he said! I’m just so upset.”

She stopped. I could feel her fuming. [Read more…]

Avoiding the Seduction of Negative Thinking

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Each week, I find it more and more difficult to prevent the current news cycle from wrenching the reins of this column and hijacking it into the topic of current events.

If you have read my writing for a while – or I have had the pleasure of getting to know you in person – you know that I have very strong political views and believe that I can effectively argue for my causes, while still remaining respectful of those who respectfully disagree. So, it’s not that I think I should shy away from such discussions or that those topics don’t matter. Rather, there’s a place and time for them, and these 600-word missives are neither.

Having laid all that on the table, the state of the nation and world seeps into our collective consciousness; we cannot avoid it, even if we tried. There is no shield; nor is it wise to blind ourselves from what is happening around us. Yet, at times, I feel like I am marinating in a stagnant, slime-covered, putrid swamp and emerge as quickly as possible, begging to be purified.

The result to this onslaught of negativity and name calling is to wipe one’s hands of the whole repulsive situation, thinking,

“I’m done! Count me out! It’s never going to get any better. I can’t do anything about it. Why even bother to care?”

That attitude — even more than the events which triggered it — is the true, more pressing danger. We cannot allow ourselves the luxury of negative thinking. Sure, the negativity is enticing. It’s a simulated siren’s call, offering peace and quiet, cooing seductively, “Come here; forget your woes. Let me take care of you. You don’t need to think about it.”

“How is negative thinking a luxury?” you might ask.

[Read more…]

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Scott "Q" Marcus
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