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You are here: Home / Archives for Self Talk

Monday Motivational Memo: Being Grateful to Disarm Anger

December 12, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

It is impossible to be angry or upset when you’re grateful.


It’s hard to stay balanced when you’re super busy. And this time of year is certainly one for “super-busy-ness.” With so little time for oneself, we sometimes get short-tempered and stressed. That’s no fun for anyone.

When that happens – and it will – slow yourself down, take a deep breath; and remind yourself how lucky you are. If you’re busy, it’s because you have things to do and you have the ability to do them. Many people are all alone or do not have the abilities (either physical or mental) to take care of things the way you do. (This doesn’t mean you have to turn into a “Pollyanna” but it sure can’t hurt to feel a little better, can it?)

Be grateful; it’ll change your mood.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Inspiration, Member Benefits, mental health, Motivation, Motivational Monday, Power of Attitude, Self Talk Tagged With: anger, attitude, coaching service, deep breath, gratfullness, gratitude, motivation, pollyanna, thanksgiving

Controlling Your Feelings & Emotions

October 31, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Nobody makes us feel anything.

We control our feelings

It is a choice. It can be changed.

It’s hard to remember that when we feel something, the truth is we have learned to feel that emotion under those circumstances. Feelings do not just “happen.” In effect, most of the time, our feelings are a habit. And if they are habits, they can be changed.

When you say to someone (for example), “You make me so mad!” You put control over your emotions in someone else’s hands, making you a victim to their whims.  A more helpful way to respond is “When you do that, I get angry.” By wording it that way, you empower yourself to change your reaction – while still being honest about how you feel.

The only other option is to give control over your emotions to other people or to external events, in effect abdicating responsibility for how you live and never being able to achieve what you want. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Power of Attitude, Self Talk Tagged With: emotion, emotions, feelings, habit, responsibility, self control, whims

Are you a Liar? Being Honest With Yourself, Personally & Professionally

September 16, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

By Emanuel Rose

My drivers license said I weighed 190 pounds, even though a few years ago I found myself looking at 226 on the scale I was standing on.  Shocked and surprised as all middle aged men who have been saying to themselves “ I can still move around just fine.”

I resolved to drop that extra weight.

I had lost the weight before, so I started running a few minutes on the treadmill and taking some classes at the closest HealthSPORT.  I dropped 10 pounds that first year and then put all that weight back on and had to start over the next January.

That next year I hired a personal trainer, met with the nutritionist and allowed myself to be “talked” into going on a diet that I followed intermittently.  That got me to 206, but I was stuck, not because I wasn’t getting good direction, but because I hadn’t gotten completely committed to the program.

To get to what my driver’s license said, I had to be committed to the lifestyle change the professionals at HealthSPORT that I hired recommended for me.  In addition to exercise, I needed to eat more protein, minimize carbs and supplement my food with fish oil and specific nutritional supplements.  I got to 190 and I have been there for a few weeks and I have a plan to stay there.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Business Goals, Guest Author, Self Talk Tagged With: emarketing, fad diets, fish oil, fundamentals of marketing, going on a diet, healthsport, lifestyle change, nutritional supplements, nutritionist, personal trainer, strategic marketing plan, treadmill

Stop that right now! (I’m Talking to YOU!)

August 31, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

What are you looking around for?

You know I’m talking to you. Yes, you — no, not the guy behind you. I’m speaking to YOU. Look at me; quit pretending you think I’m referring to someone else.

Now, just stop; it’s for your own good. We both know it.

Yes, I know you’re busy. You have so many responsibilities and commitments. But that’s not going to fly this time. We’re all busy. We’re all overloaded. It’s a matter of priorities, plain and simple. This time, make it work, OK?

Oh, more excuses? Well, welcome to Excuse Central pal; know ‘em all. Got ‘em all right here. “Just a little bit won’t hurt.” “I deserve it; it’s been a tough week.” How about this one: “When things settle down, I’ll do it.” I don’t mean to be rude or crude, but the only time things will totally settle down is when six friends are carrying you away in a box.

Of course, there’s always my favorite: “I can stop whenever I want.” Yeah, right. If you can stop anytime, why did you let it get so out of control?

Do you enjoy unending aches and pains? Isn’t it just oodles of amusement avoiding the dark side of the closet because you’re afraid those unused clothes “shrunk” since you last wore them? Are we having fun now?

And finally, the ultimate kick in the pants: that undisguised glance in someone’s eyes when she can’t cloak how surprised she is by how large you’ve become since she last saw you. Just makes you feel warm all over doesn’t it? Sure, sure, she covers it quickly; after all, she’s not trying to be rude. But for that moment — that one, brief, instantaneous, short-lived, horrifyingly candid, flash — your sole desire is to drop through a hole in the floor. Honestly, do you really want to deal with that again? How many times will you avoid friends to prevent that from happening?

What’s that? You DON’T like those feelings? Oh, good, we’re making progress. But you don’t have the energy to change?

I hear you! But, how much energy does it take for the 24-hour discomfort in your own skin? Or missing out on your kid’s lives because you’re too tired to play? How much of your precious life-force do you waste feeling bad about yourself every thinking moment of each and every day? Makes the effort more worthwhile, doesn’t it?

Ready to stop now? Good. I’m pleased for you.

Step one is stop talking to this mirror; get out there, and take a walk.

Filed Under: Diet, Excuses, Exercise, humor, Inspiration, Newspaper Column, Overcoming Obstacles, Overcoming Perfectionsim, Procrastination, resolutions, Self Talk Tagged With: attitude, change, commitments, diet, emotions, feelings, lifestyle change, priorities

The Power of Belief Change

August 30, 2011 by Featured Author

Imagine you’re in a video store.

In the drama section you discover a film depicting an incident from your childhood that was very embarrassing at the time it occurred. On the cover of the DVD is an old picture of your family. You can practically hear the mocking taunts of your siblings and feel the sting of Dad’s scolding. It happened so long ago, though, that you’ve learned to look back and laugh. That DVD can go back on the shelf, filed more accurately in the classic comedy section, because you’ve changed your belief about the meaning of that experience.

Beliefs are not inherently true – they’re just thoughts we think a lot. Over time, we’ve all revised some belief or other. Here are some common examples:

  • outgrowing childhood myths, like The Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus
  • learning from experience, such as burning a finger on a stove that may not look hot but was turned off only a moment ago
  • updating a sense of self from passing a milestone, as when a student graduates into an alumnus
  • exceeding some perceived limitation, often as a new skill is tested or a new role is assumed

Your brain is organized similarly to the movie store filing system, with your senses (what you see, hear, feel, smell and taste) determining how you store and access the information. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is the study of how the brain codes these sensory experiences to create a map of your personal and unique perception of reality. Adjusting the map rewires neural pathways, often quickly resulting in profound shifts in feeling and behavior, as well as beliefs about what is true or possible.

NLP is commonly used for rapid relief from phobias, trauma, anxiety, addiction and other issues where behavior or bodily performance is contrary to conscious desire or intention. And because NLP is based on the idea of modeling (if one person can learn to do something, then anyone can learn to do it), it is also effective for accelerating learning, improving memory, and cultivating excellence in any field.

Belief change underlies the process of quickly updating one’s mental filing system. Sometimes beliefs don’t evolve so easily or automatically, creating a sense of stuckness. That’s where a trained NLP practitioner can be useful to facilitate a variety of belief change techniques that may reframe the meaning of an experience, anchor more empowering feelings to familiar thoughts, or change the nature of the thoughts that are triggered under recurring circumstances.

Practice Exercise #1: Imagine sitting in the fourth row of an empty movie theater. On the screen you are watching yourself handle a difficult situation. Allow your consciousness to float out of your body and up to the projector booth. From there you can both observe yourself as you sit watching the film, and you can make edits to the movie being shown. Revise the film until you are watching yourself handle the situation in the most desirable way. Float out of the booth and into the scene so you can both be in the experience of handling it perfectly and see what that looks like on the screen. When it looks and feels just right, allow the version of you seated in the fourth row to merge with the on screen version and run through the scene from beginning to end a few more times. Exit the theater and notice what is different when you think of dealing with the situation for real.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, Guest Author, Motivation, Power of Attitude, Productivity, Self Talk Tagged With: attitude, bad habits, change, conscious desire, emotions, feelings, learning from experience, linguistic programming, neural pathways, nlp, sense of self, sensory experiences

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