The anger you feel might not be real.
The four “primary colors” of emotions are:
- Sad
- Mad
- Glad
- Afraid
Virtually all other feelings come from some combination of those.
Lower Your Voice to Get What You Want
Yelling can be as abusive as hitting.
We all get frustrated; that’s normal.
It’s how we handle it that matters.
As difficult as it might be to stay calm when things are going like you’d like to them to, remember, getting louder does not get the message across any better. Quite the contrary, it generates barriers.
Slow down. Take a deep breath. Go for a walk. Think of your intention.
Then, calmly, try again.
4 Tips to Improve Communications to Get More of What You Want
Although we’ve been speaking since we were little, we tend to mess it up pretty regularly.
That’s actually to be expected because accurate communication is not determined by the sender but by the receiver. No matter how well you say something, if the person at the other end doesn’t hear it the way you meant it, the communication was poor.
Four things to remember to help minimize conflict and to be happier:
1) Know Your Intention
Before you communicate, ask yourself, “If all went perfectly, what would I want to happen from the result of this communication?”
For example, are you trying to impart information, get someone to change his or her behavior, express how you feel, make someone feel good (or bad)…
If you understand your intention first, it helps you craft your message better.
2) Choose Your Medium
Determine HOW you are are going to communicate what you want.
Advice to Husbands and Other Significant Others
People contact me about my column.
Many want to share their thoughts or feelings about what I have written. Most times it’s by email, once in awhile by telephone, and periodically in person.
Some folks seem drawn to anyone in the media as moths go to light. This is flattering but can be, at times, well, just plain weird. I’ve been approached about government meat conspiracies, high fructose corn syrup alternative energy systems, even a faster-than-light engine (no, I don’t know how it was tied to my column). If cornered publicly with such theories, I momentarily feign attention, smile awkwardly, mumble an apologetic excuse about “a guy I’m supposed to meet,” and carefully; very, very slowly; back away.
There are those who offer to me the secret “they” don’t want “us” to know about weight loss — for a price of course. I am cynical about “secrets they don’t want us know.” For one, who are “they?” Secondly, why would they deem you to be the ultimate messenger of such vital intelligence? Moreover, are you putting us in harm’s way by passing it along? I would feel miserable knowing that — although I now lose weight quicker — it was at the cost of your life. Actually, I’d feel so darn guilty; I’d probably eat too much, gain back my weight and make your magnanimous (albeit mercenary) gesture to have been in vain.
What affects me most are those seeking counsel.
I’m not a therapist; heck, I’m not even sure I could be “Dear Abby.” But if my words touch someone so deeply that they seek me out for guidance, I’ll do my best.
The Ripple Effect
The summer I graduated high school was out-of-my-head sensational.
I was thin for first time in my life. Beyond that, I was leaving Grant High in the top ten percent of my class heading to UCLA to study cytology. (Want a great nerdy pick up line? How about, “Hey babe, wanna see my endoplasmic reticulum?”) Eighteen-year-olds could vote and I was politically active, spending days with other “activists” registering voters.
However, the most exhilarating times were Los Angeles evenings with Suzanne, my first girlfriend. Our premier date was Magic Mountain amusement park.
Life simply could not be better.