This Time I Mean It

Getting Past What Holds You Back with Baby Boomer Weight Loss Expert Scott 'Q' Marcus

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Imagine “As If…”

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Imagine your plans turning out exactly as if it was supposed to.

magic_wand

We all have our moments where we imagine how things can go wrong. Sure, “stuff happens,” but not as often as we think it does, and when it does, it’s usually not as bad as we thought it could be.

Picture everything working out the way you want it to.

Imagine how you’ll feel when you get what you worked for. Think about what the success will feel like. Fill yourself with the emotions and beliefs of accomplishment.

Even if it doesn’t turn out exactly the way you thought it would, you’ll still enjoy the ride much more.

(Besides, can it hurt to imagine the best?)

Are you Sure You’re Really Angry?

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The anger you feel might not be real.

4-primary-colors-of-feelings

The four “primary colors” of emotions are:

  • Sad
  • Mad
  • Glad
  • Afraid

Virtually all other feelings come from some combination of those.

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Lower Your Voice to Get What You Want

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angry-men-in-conflict-yelling

Yelling can be as abusive as hitting.

We all get frustrated; that’s normal.

It’s how we handle it that matters.

As difficult as it might be to stay calm when things are going like you’d like to them to, remember, getting louder does not get the message across any better. Quite the contrary, it generates barriers.

Slow down. Take a deep breath. Go for a walk. Think of your intention.

Then, calmly, try again.

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4 Tips to Improve Communications to Get More of What You Want

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business-man-with-megaphone

Although we’ve been speaking since we were little, we tend to mess it up pretty regularly.

That’s actually to be expected because accurate communication is not determined by the sender but by the receiver. No matter how well you say something, if the person at the other end doesn’t hear it the way you meant it, the communication was poor.

Four things to remember to help minimize conflict and to be happier:

1) Know Your Intention

Before you communicate, ask yourself, “If all went perfectly, what would I want to happen from the result of this communication?”

For example, are you trying to impart information, get someone to change his or her behavior, express how you feel, make someone feel good (or bad)…

If you understand your intention first, it helps you craft your message better.

2) Choose Your Medium

Determine HOW you are are going to communicate what you want.

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Advice to Husbands and Other Significant Others

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People contact me about my column.

accountability, ask for helpMany want to share their thoughts or feelings about what I have written. Most times it’s by email, once in awhile by telephone, and periodically in person.

Some folks seem drawn to anyone in the media as moths go to light. This is flattering but can be, at times, well, just plain weird. I’ve been approached about government meat conspiracies, high fructose corn syrup alternative energy systems, even a faster-than-light engine (no, I don’t know how it was tied to my column). If cornered publicly with such theories, I momentarily feign attention, smile awkwardly, mumble an apologetic excuse about “a guy I’m supposed to meet,” and carefully; very, very slowly; back away.

There are those who offer to me the secret “they” don’t want “us” to know about weight loss — for a price of course. I am cynical about “secrets they don’t want us know.” For one, who are “they?” Secondly, why would they deem you to be the ultimate messenger of such vital intelligence? Moreover, are you putting us in harm’s way by passing it along? I would feel miserable knowing that — although I now lose weight quicker — it was at the cost of your life. Actually, I’d feel so darn guilty; I’d probably eat too much, gain back my weight and make your magnanimous (albeit mercenary) gesture to have been in vain.

What affects me most are those seeking counsel.

I’m not a therapist; heck, I’m not even sure I could be “Dear Abby.” But if my words touch someone so deeply that they seek me out for guidance, I’ll do my best.

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Scott "Q" Marcus 707 834.4090 scottq@thistimeimeanit.com

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