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You are here: Home / Archives for family

It Could Almost Always be Worse

October 31, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

If the economy is not doing well, don’t blame our house.

We’ve been pouring out enough cash to keep a crew of drunken sailors spending through re-enlistment.

It’s not necessarily because we want to; it’s just — well, you know — sometimes life kicks in. And when you own a house, it needs repairs. Unfortunately, they’re all at one time. We weighed the alternatives: save money versus living in a cave, but what can I say? We like the finer things — like walls.

Within the last week, we had to hire someone to cover up several patches on the house’s exterior where paint was peeling. Normally, my wife and I would do that, but the spots were near the roof and we didn’t have a ladder that long. (Besides, either of us on a high ladder? Not a good idea, even on the best days…)

While getting those walls retouched, we discovered windows with leaky frames. Ka-ching! That’ll set up back some coin. As it also turns out, the bathroom is leaking like a sieve in to the garage. It turns out we are putting a plumber to work now too, and — because of said leak — might also hire a carpenter. We sure hope so! We just love stimulating the local economy!

As they say in those TV ads, “But, wait! There’s more!”

Every year, we avoid turning on our home’s heater until November first. Since October can be chilly, we practically sleep in parkas, while donning sweaters and jackets all day long. I’m not complaining (much), because we save a few dollars — as well as feel we’re being good stewards of the environment. I don’t know if you’ve looked at a calendar, but — Hooray! It’s November! “Sweet heater, bring unto us your warmth!”

Guess what. I flipped the switch, and, nothing. Nada. Silence. No wondrous balminess doth emanate from its magical vents. I’m just guessin’ here, but I’ll wager that repair won’t be a freebie.

As the adage goes, “When life gives you lemons, they’re usually really bitter, nasty, ones.”

Okay, maybe that’s not the expression, but it feels like it, because on top of the home repairs, a few family members have hit rough patches. We’re not codependent, but there’s also a set of priorities by which we live. So, when family needs you, you do what you can, which in this case involved our checking account.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: family, Gratitude, humor, Inspiration, mental health, Newspaper Column Tagged With: carpenter, disrepair, home maintenance, hurricane katrina, hurricane sandy, life gives you lemons, paint, perceptions, when life gives you lemons

Seeking Long-Term-Relationship, Must Share Common Values

October 24, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus

We are imperfect beings; therefore so too are our relationships.

We engage mouth before activating brain. We dismiss our partner’s concerns as irrelevant. We can be inconsiderate, petty, or cranky. It’s part of the human condition; we mess up, and since we live with others, we hurt them. We don’t intend to — but we cannot deny that we do. It matters not how much energy you put into it, nor how long you’ve been together; even the finest relationships cause some pain.

At our end of days, should we be so fortunate to take inventory of our most important relationships and can proclaim them as  “good” more times than not; then indeed they were “good.”

A successful long-term-relationship is not without flaw; rather, it:

  • Incurs less damage during conflicts
  • Recovers from that hurt more quickly and fully
  • Tilts the scale in the direction of “happy” rather than “unhappy”

Short of choosing the wrong partner — those whose relationships fall asunder did not necessarily disagree more often than those with “good” relationships. Instead they had unrealistic expectations, conflating conflict with failure; and did not possess a method to handle disagreement when it raised its unpleasant, but unavoidable, head.

When any relationship is smack dab in the midst of a “rough patch,” our initial reaction is to flee the pain.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Diet, family, Inspiration, mental health, Relationships Tagged With: attitude, better relationships, conflict, disagreement, happiness, health and happiness, healthier lifestyle, long term relationship, relationships, unrealistic expectations

Taking Control of Your Life

April 2, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Don’t let anybody else run your life.

However, if you let somebody else into your life, expect that they’re going to want to help steer.

Let them.

We need others. We are not as strong one our own as we are with them. That is why we develop relationships and build communities.

Yet, sometimes, there can be a fine line between getting support and having someone else run your life. Be open to letting others assist you. Listen to their ideas. However, if it doesn’t feel right, remember no one knows what’s best for you as well as you do.

Having said that, if you accept someone else into your life, let them help.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Excuses, family, Inspiration, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: quality of life, relationships, taking control of your life

Where are my Crayons?

February 15, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

priorities happiness family time management attitude

I was “row monitor” in second grade; sitting in the last seat making sure the students in my row behaved. On this day, all was quiet; no one messed with the law when Scott was around. My enforcement duties complete, I was able to turn my attention to the current “quiet time,” period that daily session where we did whatever we wanted, just so it was without sound. Priority one was schoolwork; so I pulled out my assignment list; decorated with pencil-drawn army men and a poorly drawn reproduction of Mighty Mouse. Nothing was pending so I re-filed it, still seeking something to occupy my time.

When our assignments were up to speed, we were allowed to retrieve our coloring books and engage our more artistic personae. Eagerly, I flipped pages, seeking the perfect image on which I could express by imaginative abilities. Alas, I had used all 64 colors on every image; every page had been filled; nothing remained

Sadly, I folded my hands on my desk, looked up at the ticking clock and waited. I had nothing to do, probably the last time in my life that has ever happened.

Fast-forward 50 years…

[Read more…]

Filed Under: family, Gratitude, Happiness, mental health, Newspaper Column, Relationships Tagged With: adult life, family, gratitude, happiness, priorities, quality of life, quiet time, time passing, top priorities

Handling the Family Gathering: Avoiding Family Drama to be Healthy

December 28, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Not all family reunions are, well, shall we say, “familial.”

Despite the two-dimensional, everything-works-out-in-the-end, sitcom model of American life, some relatives are just not cut from the same cloth. Gatherings can more resemble armed camps across a kitchen table, rather than a joyous reunion of long-parted siblings longing to catch up on the past year’s goings-on.

Alex, her oldest brother, was always hell-bent on proving how much he knew, accuracy be damned. He over-talked, was excessively loud, and foisted his I-could-be-with-someone-more-important-than-you attitude on everyone from the moment he strutted into a room.

She was yin to his yang; righting the “injustice,” alone she would step into the fray and engage. Of course, this further amplified the conflict; but it drove her nuts to let him push his way around, ignoring everyone else’s needs.

This year, however, she would not be sucked into his dark drama vortex. Since her divorce, she was working on accepting things as they were rather than how they “should” be. Therapy, a fitness program, and losing 33 pounds; was allowing her to reclaim her life. She would not let her boorish brother steal that away — not tonight, not again.

Mustering a Herculean effort, she engaged Alex in small talk only, and the family reunion fared better than usual. He jabbed, she sidestepped; he blew hard, she refused to blow back.

Once the clan dispersed, sans spectacle, the quiet of the house collected around her, and she replayed the events in her head. “I should have told him off! He thinks he’s the only one who knows anything! What gives him the right?” Her inner dialog grew more bellicose and she pondered all the things she could have said — but didn’t.

She might be getting in touch with her “better self,” but she was far from “perfect” and she realized how agitated she still was. Sure, she kept the peace, but at what price?

The kitchen clock chimed midnight; yet she was as awake as if she had downed a convenience store’s inventory of energy drinks. Not knowing how to disperse that excess agitation, she found herself nibbling from a pyramid of dark, cubed, walnut fudge blocks that graced the center of the table. As the sweet texture melted in her mouth, she lost track of Alex, floating away on a cloud of sugary goodness.

“I really need to stop eating,” she thought, while reaching for another chocolate block. “It’s wreaking havoc on my diet.” Yet she had to admit, nothing soothed the image of Alex like chocolate.

She could stop right this second, take back control, and be angry; or chow down on fudge mountain, feel great, and look like a blimp. THAT would sure give Alex something to crow about, wouldn’t it?

That’s all it took.

Impulsively, she grabbed the plate, rushed to the sink, and poured into it a cascade of fudge bricks. The thought scampered across her mind to reach in and save a few, but she refused to give in and — while still empowered — brushed the remaining cubes into the drain.

The dilemma remained however, how to deal with her pent-up tension?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: family, Holidays, Inspiration, mental health, Newspaper Column, Overcoming Temptation, Traditions, Weight Loss, willpower Tagged With: acceptance, attitude, bad habits, change, conflict, dieting, emotions, family reunion, family reunions, feelings, fitness program, gatherings, happiness, inner dialog, joyous reunion, lifestyle change, motivation, relatives, resisting temptation, self esteem, siblings

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