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You are here: Home / Archives for Communicating

Monday Motivational Memo: How to Avoid Escalating a Disagreement

May 30, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Saying it louder doesn’t make it correct.

In the middle of a disagreement, we can get frustrated. When that happens, we might feel we’re not being heard so the natural reaction is to say it louder.

If you want to actually make your point, it might work better by slowing down and asking a few questions.

You will always resolve more problems and minimize hurt feelings by listening to someone instead of talking at them.

Note: Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

Filed Under: Communicating, Conflict Management, Member Benefits, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: disagreement, feelings, staying calm

Hanging Out With a Better Class of People

May 25, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus

For the majority of presentations I conduct, I administer an on-line anonymous survey to get a better feel for what’s going on inside the organization.

Question number one is, “On a typical day, how would you rate your attitude?”

Respondents choose from five answers:

  • Extremely upbeat
  • Pretty Good
  • Average
  • Below average
  • Extremely poor

I’ll fess up the fact that it’s not a very scientific question, but neither do you need to work for NASA to answer it. In a nutshell, it’s a fancy way of saying, “How ya’ doin’?”

Out of the thousands who have responded, approximately 79 percent have said that their average-day attitude is “pretty good” or “extremely upbeat.” In effect, that could mean that you — the person reading this — has about an 79 percent chance of saying your attitude (most of the time) falls in one of those two categories. (By the way, only one percent responds “extremely poor.”)

Another way to parse that would be, if we were to ask people to use a one-to-ten scale, with the highest number being “ecstatic,” and the bottom being “suicidal;” the regular person on an ordinary day would say, “It’s about eight.”

Question two rates in the same fashion the attitude of those with whom we interact most often: family members, co-workers, and friends. Here the indicator slides to 52 percent. Using the same interpretation as above, that implies that we feel that, although we’d give ourselves an “eight,” we’d label others a “five.” (Imagine how much it would deteriorate if they didn’t have the pleasure of our charming, upbeat positivity to buoy their sagging moods!)

Finally, question three inquires about, “The attitude of those with whom you come in contact on a daily basis?” That scope involves everyone else we bump into, such as clerks, attendants, or phone reps, in effect the river of population flowing across our paths in a typical 24-hour period.

Using the same measuring scale, we sense that only about 31 percent of “those people” possess a “pretty good” or “extremely upbeat” outlook. To spin that yet one more way, we feel that only about one out of three, or one-third, of everyone we meet has a better-than-average attitude.

YourAttitude

In summation [Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Conflict Management, Intentions, International Inspiration Index, mental health, Newspaper Column, Poll or Survey, Power of Attitude, Psychology, Relationships, Self Talk Tagged With: anonymous survey, attitude, co workers, family members, perceptions, pleasure, typical day

Muncipal Clerks Assocation of New Jersey Presentation

April 12, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

The powerpoint I put together for the keynote for the Municipal Clerks Association of New Jersey (edited)

Striving for Imprefection for the Municipal Clerks Assocation of New Jersey

View more presentations from Scott “Q” Marcus

Filed Under: Communicating, Habits, Happiness, Highlighted, mental health, Motivation, Power of Attitude, Presentation, Productivity Tagged With: keynote, municipal clerks, new jersey

Agreeing to Disagree: How to have a Civil Disagreement

April 8, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus

How you handle conflict can prevent a whole lot of drama and bring you to resolution far quicker.

In the movie, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Harvey challenges Butch for leadership of the Hole-in-the-Wall Gang. Butch delays the confrontation by saying, “No, no, not yet. Not until me and Harvey get the rules straightened out.”

Harvey, confused, responds, “Rules? In a knife fight? No rules.”

Butch immediately kicks Harvey, dropping him like a sack of stolen loot. Says Cassidy, “Well, if there ain’t going to be any rules, let’s get the fight started. Someone count. One, two three, go.”

Sundance blurts, “One, two three, go,” at which point Butch knocks Harvey out.

Butch, obviously not concerned with a long-lasting peaceful relationship, might argue his method of conflict resolution was highly effective. However, his technique is frowned upon today (as tempting as it might feel in our darker moments).


Reality Stinks

Step one is realize that even the finest communicators — with the more honorable intentions — occasionally find themselves in hot water. Communication is far from an exact science, and even when it’s not our fault, the Big Hairy Argument Monster still tromps into our lives. We cannot avoid him; try as we may.

So, when you find yourself at loggerheads with a co-worker, customer, or spouse or life partner, it’s essential to understand that how you handle it makes an enormous, long-lasting difference. By making a simple agreement in how to disagree, we add a basic structure that keep things moving forward, clears things up quicker, and prevents long-lasting, lingering bad feelings, which could damage the relationship. In my workshop presentation, “Oops, I didn’t Mean it To Come out that Way,” I go over some simple tools to help out, following is one of those rules.

Four Simple Rules for Disagreements

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Articles, Communicating, Conflict Management Tagged With: bad feelings, butch cassidy and the sundance kid, conflict resolution, confrontation, disagreements, hole in the wall gang, honorable intentions, loggerheads, peaceful relationship

Video: How Old Are We When We Really Begin to Communicate?

March 30, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

If this hysterical video of twin baby boys doesn’t assure you that we start communicating at a very young age – as well as the fact that communication is definitely not about the words – than nothing will.  Enjoy. Have a laugh.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, family, humor, Video Tagged With: attitude, communication, how, hysterical video, twin baby boys, video, viral video

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