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You are here: Home / Archives for relationship problems

Farewell To Someone I used to Know

April 13, 2016 by Scott "Q" Marcus

joan-and-me

The two of us circa 1981

Her mother set us up on our first date.

“My daughter just graduated. She’s really creative, very cute, and, well, you’re always joking about having nothing to do on the weekends — so, I thought…”

“Invasion of the Body Snatchers,” followed by chocolate pancakes at IHOP, was our first meeting.

Within months, we lived together – much to the chagrin of her parents. Before a year passed on the calendar, we were married; moving from Redding to Bakersfield. I worked as a nighttime DJ starting at 5:00 PM. Her job began at 7:00 AM. Arriving home at one AM, I’d wake her up so we could spend time together before going back to sleep. At six AM, she’d get me up so we could do the same, before I returned to bed. When you’re in your twenties, you can do it.

Two years later, she was pregnant and we relocated to the Northcoast. A couple years passed and our second son arrived.

People who have a baby because they think it will bring them closer together are horribly misguided. The added stress and cost of childrearing, plus the loss of half our income, chipped away at our fairy tale castle. Home ownership and long work hours accelerated the decay. Dragging myself home exhausted at day’s end was her long-awaited cue to relax, leaving me with household and child chores until I collapsed on the couch. There was no “us,” only “she” and “me.”

Drifting ever further apart, we became resentful and angry. Overeating was my method of handling it; she had her own vices. Our house became an armed camp. The marriage counselor eventually recommended divorce attorneys.

For awhile we co-parented; one week “on,” one week “off.” But while I dealt with my demons through therapy and weight reduction, she followed a different road, eventually severing contact with us and moving away.

Know that my intent is not to apply blame.

The cause of our breakup was not her fault nor was it mine; together we were a mis-matched blend; never meant to share a life. Apart, who knows what would have happened? That is also not to say that many good things didn’t come from our time together.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Health, Newspaper Column, Relationships, Tribute Tagged With: death, death of a loved one, divorce, relationship problems, sadness

You are Entitled to Change Your Mind

September 15, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Not everything works out as expected.

Whether those are goals or relationships, it’s okay to say goodbye when you’re no longer being served.

Simply because you decided to do something or because you wanted to be with someone, doesn’t mean you have to do it forever. If you have honestly done all you know how to do and the results are not what you need, you have the option of moving on. After all, you are a fully functioning adult.

If it’s time to say “farewell,” just do it consciously and with grace.

Filed Under: Change, Failure, Motivational Monday Tagged With: better relationships, farewell, moving forward, painful relationships, relationship problems

Video: Funny Lincoln Ad from Geico About Communication

May 9, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

No matter how hard we try to be honest, sometimes it just doesn’t work. A very funny ad from Geico featuring Abe Lincoln trying to live up to his nickname, “Honest Abe.” Enjoy.

Filed Under: humor, Relationships, Video Tagged With: abe lincoln, communication, geico, honest abe, honesty, humor, importance of honesty, relationship problems, relationships

Video: Funny Drill Sargent Ad from Geico About Communication

December 18, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

In my seminars, I explain that it’s important to be understanding of the intention of the person you’re working with. In this funny advertisement, we see someone who doesn’t seem to get the point.

Filed Under: Asking for help, Conflict Management, humor, Video Tagged With: asking questions, communication, empathy, geico, honesty, humor, relationship problems, relationships, therapy

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-05-29

May 29, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

  • Twitter Weekly Updates for 2011-05-22 http://nblo.gs/iav5W #
  • @jvento @Fearless_90 Thanks for the publicity about my posting. I appreciate it. #
  • Is it really worth getting upset over it? The Monday Motivational Memo gives you the “5 year rule” for happiness. http://bit.ly/m7sOUT #
  • Is it really worth getting upset over it? The five-year rule puts things in perspective…. http://fb.me/12nbdXLuX #
  • Having relationship problems? Maybe you’re too happy. Hmmm…. http://fb.me/BKCLZs2b #
  • How can judging people less and assuming better of them improve our lives? An interesting evaluation of a… http://fb.me/Ij4Ddjea #
  • How can judging others less & assuming better improve our lives? An interesting study point it out. http://bit.ly/iWG58I #
  • Hanging Out With a Better Class of People: Our Perceptions of Others Affect How We’re Seeing Them: http://EzineArticles.com/6300002 #

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Filed Under: Weekly Twitter Feeds Tagged With: happiness, judging others, perceptions, perspective, publicity, relationship problems, weekly updates

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