I was in a TEDx event on December 2, 2012.
The video was recently posted at their page so I wanted to share it. Please pass it along. Thank you.
It’s OK to Ask for Praise
It’s OK to ask someone to praise you once in awhile.
No matter how old we are, we need to be recognized for what we do. It’s nice when it “just happens.” However, sometimes, it doesn’t. Unfortunately, when it doesn’t happen, many times we take that as a reason to get resentful. Not only does that ruin our attitude and make us feel bad, but it can damage the relationships that matter most to us.
Instead of feeling bad about not being recognized, point out what you did. Say how you feel about it. Ask to be recognized.
You did well. You deserve it. It’s fine to ask for it.
Just remember to praise and compliment others as often as you can too.
“I’m freaking out! Call me please!”
One of the nicest adjectives applied to me is “avuncular,” the kindly, wise uncle-type.
Being courteous — as well as avuncular — I always shut off my phone while at the movies. Upon exiting, its screen exhibits “You have five voice mail messages.” My cell number is closely held, so that many messages unto itself is odd; even worse, they’re also all from the same young man from down south who regularly seeks my guidance. Seeing so many messages from him in a two-hour time span, I fear the worst and quickly tap the link for message one.
“Hey, it’s me, can you call me back when you get a chance? Later. Bye.”
His words say “casual” but he’s attempting to cover the dusting of nervousness sprinkling his tone.
Message two arrived 15 minutes later.
“Me again, just wondering if you got my last message. I know you’re busy, but when you have a minute, I need some advice and knew you could help… Okay, thanks.”
Anxiety is increasing but is still reigned in.
Twenty minutes later,
“I guess your cell is turned off. But, as soon as you turn it on, I really need you to call. It’s important. Please. I need your help.”
He’s pleading, abandoning the illusion of being off-the-cuff.
I would have phoned right then, but two messages remained, with what could be additional essential information. I listen to the next dispatch, which arrived 30 minutes ago. His frantic voice explodes from the speaker:
“I’m freaking out! Please, please, please call me back!! It’s urgent!”
My inner parent is red-lining. I really want to call, but feel it’s important to get the last piece of data — which turns out to be 180 degrees different in attitude; tranquil, peaceful, and calm like a placid lake:
“Never mind the previous calls. Sorry to bother you.”
Relieved, but confused, I dial his number.
Video: Street Compliments
This is just a a cool street event where you can get and give compliments.
Seeking Long-Term-Relationship, Must Share Common Values
We are imperfect beings; therefore so too are our relationships.
We engage mouth before activating brain. We dismiss our partner’s concerns as irrelevant. We can be inconsiderate, petty, or cranky. It’s part of the human condition; we mess up, and since we live with others, we hurt them. We don’t intend to — but we cannot deny that we do. It matters not how much energy you put into it, nor how long you’ve been together; even the finest relationships cause some pain.
At our end of days, should we be so fortunate to take inventory of our most important relationships and can proclaim them as “good” more times than not; then indeed they were “good.”
A successful long-term-relationship is not without flaw; rather, it:
- Incurs less damage during conflicts
- Recovers from that hurt more quickly and fully
- Tilts the scale in the direction of “happy” rather than “unhappy”
Short of choosing the wrong partner — those whose relationships fall asunder did not necessarily disagree more often than those with “good” relationships. Instead they had unrealistic expectations, conflating conflict with failure; and did not possess a method to handle disagreement when it raised its unpleasant, but unavoidable, head.