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You are here: Home / Archives for Relationships

Motivational Monday Memo: Slow Down and Listen

January 30, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

To get answers, you have to ask questions.

To hear the answers, you have to listen.

Our minds listen “faster” than people can speak.

Therefore, especially when we’re  busy, we sometimes don’t take the time so slow down and really listen to what others are telling us. We respond to what we think they’re saying, not necessarily what they are really saying.

Take just a few seconds to “slow down your listening speed,” especially when the conversation is important. You’ll hear what you normally don’t, therefore, you will diminish the possibility of conflict. You will also actually be more productive because you will have fewer repeat conversations.
[Read more…]

Filed Under: Conflict Management, Member Benefits, Motivational Monday, Relationships, Self Talk Tagged With: conflict, conversations, hearing, listening, self-talk

Control Issues Anyone?

January 9, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

You cannot control anybody but yourself.

If you try, you’ll drive both of you crazy.

If you’re having trouble getting on the same page with someone else, it’s important to remember that the only person you control in the situation is yourself.

Even if the other person is “wrong,” (almost always a questionable assumption) telling him that usually will not be as effective as looking inside yourself and seeing what you can do differently. Then, slow yourself down, take a deep breath. And move forward with your new plan.

Obviously, what you’re doing now is not getting you what you want (unless it’s a disagreement). You might as well try something else.
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Filed Under: Communicating, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: assumption, conflict, disagreement, emotions, feelings, happiness

Reaching Down the Well

September 9, 2011 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

By L.C. Duperouzel

If someone you loved had fallen down a well what would you do to rescue them? Would you call for help and wait with them, offering words of encouragement until the emergency services arrived, or would you take more of a participatory role in the rescue, and go and find a rope that you would then use to hoist them out of the hole? Regardless of which one of these approaches you favoured, one thing that you would probably not do is jump into the well to be with them. Taking this step you would not be able to help them much. Being just as stuck as they are, you would also require the assistance of skilled helpers before you and your loved one could be returned safely to the surface.

Adding to your loved one’s problem, you have not really done the right thing by them even though your intentions may have been good. Better would they have been served if you remained in a position of strength at the top of the well. Using this strength for their benefit, they can rise up and beyond the circumstances that previously immobilized and isolated them. Grabbing their hand and pulling them to freedom they reap the rewards of empathy which promise much more than any act of sympathy can hope to deliver.

Although they are often confused for each other, empathy and sympathy are not the same thing. While the latter focuses on the negative emotions that one is experiencing, the former focuses on understanding the person and taking the journey with them. Sometimes this is extraordinarily difficult because we may not have experienced what another has. Limited in this respect, we are however capable of opening our hearts to enter the inner world of another. Doing this in the spirit of unconditional love, acceptance and understanding, we can lend others our strength, faith and resilience, and help them to overcome in moments of weakness or pain.

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Filed Under: Asking for help, Guest Author, Relationships Tagged With: benefit, empathy, faith, freedom, hearts, moments of weakness, negative emotions, resilience, spirit, unconditional love

Reaching Out for Help

August 29, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

You do not need to know all the answers. Admit it when that is the case.

No one person can know everything she needs to know.

One of the reasons we build communities, develop friendships, and even marry; is because we are social beings. We need to be with others. That is not just a “comfort thing,” it is also a “support thing.”

There is no shame in learning. As a matter of fact, whom do you respect more; someone who doesn’t know what he’s doing and refuses to get help, or someone who recognizes she needs help – and asks for it?

If you don’t know how to do something, reach out to someone who does. Be respectful of her time. Thank her for it when you’re done.

And then make sure to pay it forward for the next person.

Note: Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

Filed Under: Asking for help, Inspiration, Member Benefits, mental health, Motivational Monday, Overcoming Obstacles, Relationships Tagged With: friendships, inspiration, lifestyle change, motivation, pay it forward, relationships, social beings, stress

Working Hard at Relaxing

August 24, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I’m not dead.

At least when I wrote that; I wasn’t. Being the intelligent reader of this column, you put two and two together and surmised that in a flash. Hopefully, as you read this, I am still in the not-dead state of being — and shall remain so for decades yet to come.

Having proven therefore that I understand very little about what it’s like to die, you will cut me slack about not really knowing — but safely assuming — that no one’s last words were ever, “I wish I would have spent more time working and less time enjoying life.”

We would agree, wouldn’t we?

So, then what’s the deal with non-stop, dawn-to-dusk, 24/7, busy-making? We don’t ever just “chill.” Well, at least I don’t; maybe you do, but I’ll bet dollars to donuts that you’re in the same place. There’s so much to get done with so few hours to do it.

Forty-hour workweek; what’s that?

Wake up. Shower. Shave. Throw some frozen waffles down your gullet while checking the mail and packing lunches. Get the kids to school, pick them up, and beat feet to soccer practice and gymnastics. Straightaway back, homework, meals, brush teeth, and off to bed. To accomplish everything requires groundwork: grocery and clothes shopping, housecleaning, home maintenance, and car servicing. These necessitate steady income — and, oh yes — have you heard the news about the economy? You better not slack off at work or they’ll swap you out quicker than a DVD rental on a Saturday night. So, off to the salt mines, bringing our assignments home so we can get them on our kitchen tables in the morning and the bed stands at night. We’re work harder while having the privilege of paying more for everything. Come end of day, it’s drop like a lead brick off a six-foot wall.

It’s no wonder we don’t have time for “a life.” Or do we?

My sister phones, “What are you up to?” She asks.

I reply, “I’m working hard at relaxing.”

Stop the clock. Re-read that response please: “I’m working hard at relaxing.” Huh? That statement makes as much sense as “same difference,” or “kosher ham;” but I swear it was my reply and I’m betting you relate. Our lives are so cluttered, that if tasks were boxes, we’d be featured on the TV series “Hoarders.” No longer are we human beings, we have become “human doings.”

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Filed Under: Happiness, Inspiration, mental health, Newspaper Column, Productivity, Relationships Tagged With: 40-hour workweek, busyness, enjoying life, exhaustion, hoarders, home maintenance, inspiration, lifestyle change, overwork, priorities, quality of life, relationships, relaxing, salt mines, stress, work-a-holic

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