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You are here: Home / Archives for empathy

Lesson Learned – No Matter Our Age, We’re Still Learning

January 19, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

OK class, today’s assignment is to create the most annoying place ever; ready?

Let’s begin by populating it with lots of tired, irritable inhabitants confined to a cramped area with hardly any places to rest and absolutely no spot to get comfortable. Many of these folks will wear too much perfume or, better yet, haven’t seen the working end of a shower in days. Of course, the whole environment has to be far from home, and — oh yes — let’s make it extremely loud.

Now, let’s spruce up the annoyance factor by tossing in some arcane commands.

Rule one: You are only allowed to have in your ownership one container of essential items; but the consequences for possessing those is that is you must drag them behind you wherever you go; a ball and chain.

Rule Two: Not for a minute can you let them leave your custody. If you want to add more items, you can purchase from a very limited supply of things that will be far more costly than they should be, and you must stand in long lines to obtain them (don’t forget, you must have your container always in tow).

Rule Three: Nosy, ill-mannered, discourteous natives will handle and interrogate you at will, sporadically rummage through your package of personal belongings, and time after time subject you to yet additional seemingly useless rules which may change at any time.

I think we’re done.

What shall we call it? Dante’s Inferno? Hell? How about, “An Airport?”

Traveling has a knack to make anybody cranky; so, I had empathy for the nine-year-old with the pink suitcase waiting in the petrified line to board the jet. Her dad, bent close to her, staring unflinchingly into her eyes, was wagging his finger for emphasis and scolding her sotto voce. “We don’t push people out of the way. We wait our turn, do you understand?”

Her eyes drilling into the floor of the gateway, an angry expression contorting her face, she rocked defiantly from side-to-side, holding steadfast, “He’s not ‘people;’ he’s my little brother! And he’s slow! I want to get on the airplane all ready! I’m tired!” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Conflict Management, mental health, Newspaper Column Tagged With: airport, empathy, frustration, lessons, relationships, small child, travel

Video: Funny Drill Sargent Ad from Geico About Communication

December 18, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

In my seminars, I explain that it’s important to be understanding of the intention of the person you’re working with. In this funny advertisement, we see someone who doesn’t seem to get the point.

Filed Under: Asking for help, Conflict Management, humor, Video Tagged With: asking questions, communication, empathy, geico, honesty, humor, relationship problems, relationships, therapy

Reaching Down the Well

September 9, 2011 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

By L.C. Duperouzel

If someone you loved had fallen down a well what would you do to rescue them? Would you call for help and wait with them, offering words of encouragement until the emergency services arrived, or would you take more of a participatory role in the rescue, and go and find a rope that you would then use to hoist them out of the hole? Regardless of which one of these approaches you favoured, one thing that you would probably not do is jump into the well to be with them. Taking this step you would not be able to help them much. Being just as stuck as they are, you would also require the assistance of skilled helpers before you and your loved one could be returned safely to the surface.

Adding to your loved one’s problem, you have not really done the right thing by them even though your intentions may have been good. Better would they have been served if you remained in a position of strength at the top of the well. Using this strength for their benefit, they can rise up and beyond the circumstances that previously immobilized and isolated them. Grabbing their hand and pulling them to freedom they reap the rewards of empathy which promise much more than any act of sympathy can hope to deliver.

Although they are often confused for each other, empathy and sympathy are not the same thing. While the latter focuses on the negative emotions that one is experiencing, the former focuses on understanding the person and taking the journey with them. Sometimes this is extraordinarily difficult because we may not have experienced what another has. Limited in this respect, we are however capable of opening our hearts to enter the inner world of another. Doing this in the spirit of unconditional love, acceptance and understanding, we can lend others our strength, faith and resilience, and help them to overcome in moments of weakness or pain.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Guest Author, Relationships Tagged With: benefit, empathy, faith, freedom, hearts, moments of weakness, negative emotions, resilience, spirit, unconditional love

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