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You are here: Home / Archives for humor

Spinning in my Head: Driving Myself Crazy

April 26, 2017 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

You and I, we’ve been together quite some time, right?

So, if I let you in on my inner workings, you won’t think less of me? I mean, I’m opening myself up to being vulnerable, okay? Thanks.

There’s an expression: “Mother Nature bats last.” Well, yep, she sure does – and she hits it out of the park. 

The original plan for this weekend was to drive south for a meeting with one of the companies with whom I work. Alas, the main highway between here and there is smothered with the third in a series of major rock and mud slides, cutting off traffic in both directions, with no estimated time of re-opening. It stands to reason that despite the valiant attempts of CalTrans to hold back the mountain, the road shall remain blocked, locking me in Humboldt unless I wish to add about eight hours of mountain driving each way. (For the record, I do not so wish.)

 

Welcome to life on the rustic, rocky, rural, redwood coast of northern California.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Habits, humor, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude Tagged With: attitude, fear, frustration, humor, overcoming setbacks, quality of life

Unfair Use of the Word Sexy – Advice to Women

August 17, 2016 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I’m dressing differently.

looking in mirror

Apparently I’m more “modern.” How do I know? Quite simply, the label on the pants I purchased have emblazoned very clearly and prominently: “modern look,” Truth be told, the trousers look identical to the “old fashioned” pair of pants that aren’t termed “modern,” but I write that off to the fact that I’m not a sophisticated enough fashionista to recognize the distinction. Tommy Hilfiger’s career is in no danger from me.

More so, in addition to being more “modern,” I’m now wearing V-neck T-shirts. I am unsure if this is the style now referred to as, “athleisure,” but they do have spandex interwoven throughout the cotton, generating a softer feel, with an additional result being that they are tad more form fitting (not too much; after all I understand I’m 61 not 31).

However, the main point is WHY I’m dressing differently.

At first, I entered the world of stretchy, softer, athleisure-lite tops purely for mercenary reasons: it was on sale for three bucks.

I frequent a certain department store because I receive enticing mailers telling me that I can save “15%, 20% or even 30%” if in certain periods. (There’s a sticker one peels off to expose the savings. Mine is always 15 percent — sigh — yet I shop anyway.) As further promotional enticement, one also receives “bonus cash” for exceeding $50 in purchases.

“That will be $51.96 please,” said the cashier.

“Cool,” said I, “That means I get the $10 in bonus cash?”

“No. The total has to be $50 before tax. Your before-tax total is only $48.02.” She pointed to the offending number in red on the computer screen. “You need $1.99 more.”

Retrieving my miserly $48.02 in merchandise, I moseyed back into mens’ clothing, beckoned by a large red and gold placard over a shirt rack proclaiming, “Clearance! Up to 80% off!” Like gold at Sutter’s Mill, I discovered a powder blue, stretchy shirt for three dollars, which – being adept at numbers — quickly grasped that it would push me over the top for my bonus cash. [Read more…]

Filed Under: humor, Newspaper Column, Relationships Tagged With: good relationship, humor, relationship, relationships

Funny Video: Stressed out Man at Work

April 17, 2016 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Ever feel really stressed?

You’ll relate to this very funny video about a stressed man at work.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Conflict Management, humor, Video Tagged With: deal with stress, humor, stress levels, stress management, stress overload, stressful situations, video

Please Set Cell Phone to “Nag”

January 8, 2016 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

There is a fine line between inquiring with concern how you might assist someone in her diet efforts; and braying persistent, repetitive, noisy, constant, loud-mouthed inquiries as to whether she knows what the heck she is doing.

The former is labeled “being supportive,” the latter referred to as “nagging.”

nag-nag-nag

As examples, supportive is gently and sincerely asking, “How can I help you with your diet?” Nagging is, “How’s that diet working? Should you be eating that? Wow! How many calories in that? Haven’t you had enough?”

Although well intended; polite support might still carry the risk that the answer is, “leave me alone.” However, it is a slam-dunk assurance that a series of harassing, pushy questions blasted in Gatling gun point-blank, rapid-fire succession promises one will receive that same reply, albeit with exclamation points and several choice expletives spicing up the retort.

Supportive infers the receiver knows what to do, but might periodically need assistance.

(Don’t we all?) Nagging implies he is an incompetent, ignorant, bumbling boob — adrift without constant instruction; and since pushing someone who desires no assistance (rightly or wrongly) is a guarantee that the end result will be no place fun; might as well avoid the journey completely.

However, if requested — and therein lies the rub — nagging might have value, or so believes a website whose goal is to keep one on the straight and narrow. Requiring nothing more than a cell phone, internet connection, and a willingness to be annoyed from afar, it can send text message reminders to keep you on task.

Deciding to inspect further, I created a profile.

“How much do you weigh?” queried the on-line form.

This presents obstacle one; do I answer honestly? Even the DMV thinks I weigh 147 pounds; must I now confess to a nameless society of cyber-food-cops my most personal number? On the other hand, I am requesting guidance; if I “creatively address” the issue, recording a more complimentary weight, it might not assist me. Already, the stress is enough to cause me to eat. Brushing fear aside, I bravely answer with truthfulness: “185 pounds.”

“What would you like to accomplish?” asks the questionnaire.

Uh, duh. From the pull down menu, I select “Lose Weight.” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Diet, humor, Newspaper Column, Weight Loss Tagged With: better relationships, diet, humor, relationships, weight loss

Fun Stuff About New Year’s Resolutions

January 6, 2016 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

One might think that since my professional life orbits in the galaxy of helping people change their habits for good that I might be a fan of New Year’s Resolutions.

Alien monster making resolutions

One might think that. However, one would be wrong.

Don’t misunderstand; I believe that any time one wants to make a change for the better it’s perfect. Should the passing of another year be the inspiration for that alteration, I’m all for it. However, the swing side of this first-of-the-year obsession is that each January, everyone and their brother is mouthing, “This year, I promise to…” – yet, they don’t. Blah, blah, blah. Moreover, the whole “New Year’s resolution thing” provides cover for the whole “over indulgence thing” that runs from each October through December. After all, one can fall back on the rationale; “I’ll get back in control next year. Give me another serving please; don’t be shy with the gravy.”

Anyway, I’m riding a little high on my horse. I apologize. Bottom line is that the best time to make a resolution is when you’re actually committed to doing it, whether that is January 1, March 22, or October 5. As the ad says, “just do it.”

Yet, as long as I’ve taken us this far down the road, let’s drive on and see what there is. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Habits, humor, Newspaper Column, Rant, resolutions Tagged With: change, changing habits, humor, new year's resolutions, statistics, success, weight loss

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