VIDEO: The Most Expensive Halloween Candy Ever
This is a humorous take on why those half-price candy sales that are popping up about now are really not half price.
As a matter of fact, they are the most expensive treats you will ever buy. Watch the video and see why.
Lessons in Patience from the World’s Slowest Pedestrian
I’m impatient, tense, and in a frenzy as I pull up to the intersection to turn right.
The light’s green but because a meandering male pedestrian is wandering unhurriedly across the crosswalk on the street to which I’m trying to turn, I’m stalled.
He’s quite the eyeful; forty and short – maybe five and a half feet tall, with a hobbit-type potbelly.
His brown hair is a bird nest of a toupee with the crown not even pretending to match the temples. He’s adorned in a garish, undersized, well-worn, striped, algae-greenish, polyester sports coat that doesn’t fit him — or the current decade. His trousers are twisted so his fly doesn’t line up with his belt buckle. Neither is aligned with the center of his body, each wrenched askew in a different direction. The waist of his pants is pulled up so high, resulting in the pant-legs being too short, exposing his calves well above his socks. (As a kid, we called those, “high waters” because if there were a flood, you wouldn’t get your pants wet.) Pants, grey; shoes, maroon; socks yellow — he obviously did not have a wife to help him choose his clothes.
Wrapped within his short arms that the sport coat’s sleeves do not cover, pressed to his chest, are too many files in too few folders. While navigating the crosswalk, he’s trying to prevent the papers from sliding out of the packets on to the ground, causing his hands to be constantly in motion, sliding hither and yon across them. Further complicating this maneuver, is his Styrofoam cup full of coffee held at a dangerously perilous angle. With each step, the brown liquid sloshes over the brim of the cup, splashing him and his documents. It’s clearly hot because when it makes contact, he winces.
To top it off, he’s slower than a sloth.
Granted, if I wasn’t so stressed, it might not have bothered me. After all, it was almost like observing the offspring of a gnome and a businessman, and how often does one see that?
[Read more…]
Annoying the Scam Artists
You wouldn’t know it by the number of fake phone calls I get, but I am on the “Do Not Call” list.
In the course of a day, I average a dozen bogus solicitations from ne’er-do-wells of every stripe; credit card flim-flam men to fake IRS agents. Because of caller ID, I usually avoid the interactions. Usually, but not always…
A heavily accented voice came through the speaker,
“Hello, this is tech support. We’re calling about problems we have noticed on your computer.”
I knew where this was headed but was suffering from writer’s block and needed a distraction.
Plus, I figured if they were going to waste my time, turnabout is fair play.
He continued, “Is this the owner of the computer we have on file?”
“I don’t know,” replied I, “Where would I find your records so I can tell you if I am that person?”
“You don’t have them. We do.”
“Oh, so how would I know if I’m the owner of the computer you have on file?”
Sighing, “Um, never mind. We are calling from vendor.”
I got that he was saying “vendor” but his accent was so think, it came across as “vindoer,” plus he omitted the word “the,” giving me my opening.
“Is Vindoer in Europe?” [Read more…]
Funny Gag Video: Overweight Man in Exercise Class
Might as well start the week with a laugh.
Normally, I don’t go for “manufactured gag videos,” but this one, especially when the second half of the video arrives, is hysterical.