I’m dressing differently.
Apparently I’m more “modern.” How do I know? Quite simply, the label on the pants I purchased have emblazoned very clearly and prominently: “modern look,” Truth be told, the trousers look identical to the “old fashioned” pair of pants that aren’t termed “modern,” but I write that off to the fact that I’m not a sophisticated enough fashionista to recognize the distinction. Tommy Hilfiger’s career is in no danger from me.
More so, in addition to being more “modern,” I’m now wearing V-neck T-shirts. I am unsure if this is the style now referred to as, “athleisure,” but they do have spandex interwoven throughout the cotton, generating a softer feel, with an additional result being that they are tad more form fitting (not too much; after all I understand I’m 61 not 31).
However, the main point is WHY I’m dressing differently.
At first, I entered the world of stretchy, softer, athleisure-lite tops purely for mercenary reasons: it was on sale for three bucks.
I frequent a certain department store because I receive enticing mailers telling me that I can save “15%, 20% or even 30%” if in certain periods. (There’s a sticker one peels off to expose the savings. Mine is always 15 percent — sigh — yet I shop anyway.) As further promotional enticement, one also receives “bonus cash” for exceeding $50 in purchases.
“That will be $51.96 please,” said the cashier.
“Cool,” said I, “That means I get the $10 in bonus cash?”
“No. The total has to be $50 before tax. Your before-tax total is only $48.02.” She pointed to the offending number in red on the computer screen. “You need $1.99 more.”
Retrieving my miserly $48.02 in merchandise, I moseyed back into mens’ clothing, beckoned by a large red and gold placard over a shirt rack proclaiming, “Clearance! Up to 80% off!” Like gold at Sutter’s Mill, I discovered a powder blue, stretchy shirt for three dollars, which – being adept at numbers — quickly grasped that it would push me over the top for my bonus cash.
Upon arriving home, I unveiled my score to my wife and put on my new tighter, more “modern,” “athleisure” spandex shirt.
“What do you think?” I asked
She looked me up and down, “I like it. Actually, it looks kind of sexy of you.” she said.
Hoping for, “It doesn’t look bad – especially for three dollars;” but hearing “sexy” was far more than expected; similar to expecting to get a few bucks back from your taxes but hearing your accountant say, “several thousand dollars.” Realizing I hit pay dirt, I immediately returned to the store and cashed in my “bonus bucks” (plus several “non-bonus” bucks) to procure an assortment of this style shirt, now owning the same style in dark blue, light gray, and charcoal gray (with and without pinstripes). If I could, I’d wear them 24/7.
Hence, my opening comment, “I dress differently.”
At his junction, I need to address you only if you’re a woman. Men already know what I’m about to reveal and – quite frankly — they’re not going to be happy that I’m breaking the “code of guys.” However, in the interest of better relationships for both genders, if you are a woman and you want your significant other to do ANYTHING AT ALL, begin with “I think it looks sexy when you…”
If your partner is a man, I assure you he will — without resistance — do WHATEVER follows the ellipsis. I sport a goatee. Why? My wife saw someone else with one and, mused out loud, “I think goatees are sexy.”
I practically smeared Rogaine on my chin to get mine to grow faster.
The problem for me — and this is why men don’t want me to share this — is my wife has now learned how potent is this expression and uses it in what we men would classify as “unfair use,” knowing we are defenseless to its power. The other day she said, “Honey, I think you look really sexy when you clean the bathroom.”
Our toilet practically glows.
About the author: Scott “Q” Marcus is a nationally known weight loss expert for baby boomers and the CRP (Chief Recovering Perfectionist) of www.ThisTimeIMeanIt.com. He is available for coaching and speaking. His new book (co-written with his sister), “The Busy Baby Boomers Motivational Guide to Weight Loss” is now at www.BabyBoomersGuides.com