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You are here: Home / Archives for family and friends

Ask first. Talk Later.

April 29, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

We are “hard-wired” to answer questions, correct?

(See, in your head, you HAD to answer that – even if you disagreed!)

Could I Ask You a Question?

If we really want to have closer relationships and we want to get more from those with whom we associate, we have to:

  1. Listen
  2. Ask questions
  3. Refrain from judgment
  4. Look for consensus

Telling someone what you want without listening to what he or she wants might get you what you need. But, listening first is a more reliable strategy and will probably get both of you what you want.

And isn’t that a better choice?

(See, you answered again!) [Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Conflict Management, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: conflict, conflict resolution, family, family and friends, handling conflict, relationships

Give Thanks for Your Past

November 19, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Learn about your past before it’s too late.

It is a part of you and therefore will help shape your future.

As you gather with family and friends, remember this is a time to give thanks for what you have – including your history.

None of us would exist without so many before us. Find out who they are. Learn what they did.

Realize you are the culmination of all their hopes and dreams.

Then, give thanks yet again.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: family, Holidays, Inspiration, Motivational Monday, Relationships, Traditions Tagged With: ancestors, family and friends, giving thanks, hopes and dreams, thanksgiving

How to Have a Happier Holiday Season

November 15, 2012 by Featured Author

The magic of holiday music, lights and excitement resonates with my soul.

Every year, I look forward to this time of year. But I haven’t always felt so positive; as a young adult, I struggled to enjoy the season.

During my childhood, the holidays were all about presents, snow and cookies. After I moved out on my own, I realized I needed to grow up, and the holidays began to lose their magic.

I now had to work to afford presents for my family and friends. I couldn’t always take off work to celebrate with my family. Some years, I didn’t even have gas money for the drive home. When my family decided to visit me, I had to keep the house clean and tidy. And I still had to go to work every day.

Keeping on track with my fitness routine was hard too.

I usually gained 10 pounds because I was too busy to work out, and I gave in to the temptation from all the seasonal sweets.

In time, the stress became unbearable. I started resenting the season. I wished I could crawl under a blanket in October and emerge in January. I stopped attending holiday parties and resented family get-togethers. I embodied Scrooge, and everyone around me knew it.

Then a few years ago, I heard about seasonal affective disorder. A friend casually mentioned that her sister always felt depressed during the holidays. Bright lights and a support group gave her a better outlook on the season.

I decided to talk to my doctor, and he discussed sources of the holiday blues. Physical fatigue, financial pressure, family conflict and unrealistic expectations were the cause of my depression. He suggested a few useful techniques that helped me overcome the holiday blues.

First, I stopped worrying about expectations. The holiday season is fun, but I can’t do everything. I have to choose the most valuable and important traditions and let everything else go. Holiday cards were the first expectation I dropped. I can always send a free electronic greeting card to the people I don’t see every day. My stress level lowered immediately, and I decided to cut down on the decorations this year. I’ll hang the lights, but the rest of the décor will stay in a box in my garage or get donated to charity.

Next on my list was the food. Homemade sweets and seasonal buffets taste great, but they’re not great for my waistline or mood. I decided to indulge in a few bites of my favorite sweets only during parties and keep up my healthy eating regimen.

I’m also going to stay physically active. Last year, I committed to following my normal workout schedule, and I felt good physically and emotionally.

My family will be visiting my house for a meal this year. I’ll tidy up before they come over, but they’ll have to clean up any dust bunnies they point out. I want to enjoy spending time with my family, not stress out over the cleanliness of my home.

We also decided to forgo gifts. Instead, we’ll enjoy being together as we play games and watch old home movies.

To adults, the holidays may never regain the magic they had when we were kids, but they can be enjoyable.

If you feel stressed, depressed or unmotivated to celebrate this year, talk to your doctor. He can give you tips on recognizing the signs of depression and finding the joy again. Bust the holiday blues this season when you give yourself permission to feel the magic again.

About the Author: Danielle writes on behalf of Sears and other brands she uses. This Christmas, she’s asking Santa for a treadmill so she can channel her stress into physical activity all year long. She hopes it will also help her deal with post-holiday blues as she exercises away all the extra calories she will inevitably consume.

Filed Under: Asking for help, Guest Author, Health, mental health Tagged With: expectation, family and friends, family conflict, holiday blues, holiday season, physical fatigue, seasonal affective disorder, stress level, unrealistic expectations

Keep it in Perspective

October 29, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Keep things in perspective.

We’ve had a rough couple of days at our house. It seems like the fates are conspiring to cost us money.

  • We’ve had to hire someone to do some painting on the exterior of our house where the wood was starting to show through.
  • We have some windows where the framing is leaking and causing some rot. That’ll set up back some coin.
  • Our bathroom is leaking. We heed a new shower head, some plumbing repairs, and  – because of the leak – we’ll probably need some floor repairs
  •  As November approaches, we’re finally ready to put on the heater. Guess what? It’s not working! I’m sure that will cost us something.
  • On top of all that, a few family members have hit some rough patches. When you’re family (in whatever definition you choose that to be), you step in. So we have.

I was getting a little nervous about all the out-pouring of money.

And then, I realized that at least i don’t have a hurricane barreling down on my neighborhood and I remembered after Hurricane Katrina, we lost contact with a friend who was in its path. We were scared that something had happened to her. Several days later, she contacted us. She was okay. However, the roof of her house was gone. She said she was really blessed.

“Blessed,” I asked? “You just lost your house.”

“But I’m still here to tell you. And everyone is fine. I’m really lucky.”

It was a great lesson.

Sometimes, we’re better off than we realize – especially when we have others who watch over us.

(To our friends in the path of Hurricane Sandy – we’re thinking about you, sending our best wishes, and praying for you. Be well. Take care of yourselves.)
[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Gratitude, Group Support, Motivational Monday, Power of Attitude, private Tagged With: family, family and friends, hurricane katrina, hurricane sandy, overcoming fear, path of hurricane

But Today I’ll Smile

October 11, 2012 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

I was stuck inside my house all day Saturday and Sunday because I had the worst migraine ever.

I was irritated that the pain was causing me to stay in my dark bedroom all weekend. Completely overwhelmed, I started to cry which only made the headache worse. I felt like it wasn’t fair because I work hard all week, and like anyone, I want to make the most of my weekends. I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t have the strength to work out, and I couldn’t even stand the mere sound of the TV. I just wanted to feel sorry for myself.  I wanted my boyfriend to feel sorry for me and take care of me. I just wanted to feel better. I just wanted to keep crying.

I went to the doctor last night to figure out why I had such a bad headache, and she just told me I have “the same virus that everyone has right now. Take some Advil Cold & Sinus, buy some nasal spray, and it will go away soon.” Not feeling too satisfied, I did what the doctor told me to, and I left. I was still annoyed.

I woke up today still feeling somewhat off, but something had changed.

Maybe it’s because today is my friend Ashley’s 27th birthday, but she’s celebrating in Heaven instead of here on Earth with all her family and friends.  Maybe that’s what made me realize how selfish I had been for being so consumed with my lack of a fun weekend. I quickly started feeling lucky that my worst problem was a stupid headache. Maybe it’s because I got a text from my sister saying she’d be home on December 18th for Christmas. Maybe it’s because I woke up warm and tangled up in our beautiful bed, the same bed I didn’t want to spend one more minute in over the weekend. That very same bed felt and looked different this morning. For the past few days, it felt like frustration. This morning, it felt reassuring. There’s comfort in knowing that I have a bed to wake up in and go to sleep in tonight. I felt honored to have an angel in Heaven to say Happy Birthday to.  I felt excited that I could start the countdown to when I would see my sister. I felt fortunate that I have a job to go to that provides health insurance which allows me to go to the doctor to find out I have nothing more than some aggravating virus. I felt thankful that I really do have everything I want, and I felt sad for the people who don’t. I felt honestly and truly blessed.

So, yes I cried a lot this weekend, but today, I think I’ll just smile.

About the author:   Holly is a 25 year old writer from New England who is on a journey to a happier and healthier life. She’s a firm believer in loving yourself, being kind to others, learning from mistakes, and letting go of what holds you back from being the best version of yourself.  Aside from writing, she enjoys eating healthy, staying fit, traveling to fascinating places, fashion, helping animals, spending time with family and friends, and meeting people that inspire and encourage her.  She loves to express her stories, ventures, and feelings through words and photographs. Writing about her life is a beautiful release, and she hopes to enthuse her readers along the way.  Learn more about her at www.thecatzmeow.net, or Hollyamber28@gmail.com

Filed Under: Gratitude, Guest Author, Happiness, Inspiration, mental health Tagged With: death of a loved one, family and friends, feelings, frustration, gratitude, inspiration, relationships

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