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You are here: Home / Archives for Self Talk

You Don’t Know Who You’re Messing With

January 23, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I conduct a monthly seminar, Marketing 101, for the Northern California Small Business Development Center, known as the “SBDC.” I am fortunate to have piloted this session for the better part of a decade. One of the relevant factoids I’ve uncovered over that time is that a satisfied customer will tell five of his friends that he had great service, while his unhappy counterpart will spread forcefully the message of his discontent to 13.

The exact numbers might be debated but that would miss the broader point:

When someone wrongs us with dreadful service, our first thought is, “You don’t know who you just messed with!”

Come on, be honest, isn’t that the truth? Bad service has happened to you, right? And your reaction is to launch forth — sometimes with quixotic zeal — on a “mission” to bring down the offending business and correct the travesty of this injustice, while informing all you meet to steer clear of that worthless enterprise. I know I’ve done it. I’m sure you have too.

That caused me to ponder why in situations like that, we consider ourselves powerful and important; while in other circumstances, we give away that same influence.

It’s because of adjectives.

(Huh?)

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Newspaper Column, Psychology, Self Talk Tagged With: adjectives, attitude, discontent, labels, nouns, power of words, self acceptance, self esteem, self fulfilling prophecy, self-talk

The First Step in Feeling Better

January 9, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I take pride in this column.

Every Wednesday for eight years, I plant myself at my computer and conjure up what I hope is the best way to utilize the power of 600 words. Sometimes, ideas explode forth with volcanic fury and I cannot keep up. Oft times, I rearrange the pixels on my screen for the better part of a day. However, I trudge on until I am satisfied enough to forward it with pride to the editors who so graciously publish and post it.

What astounds me is which pieces get the most, or least, feedback.

Articles I’m convinced will generate a firestorm sometimes barely ignite a spark, whereby those I presumed would simply cause quiet contemplation will produce a flood of reactions via email, phone calls, and strangers approaching me to continue the discussion. Last week’s column (Practical, simple advice to feel better quickly) was of the latter category. I was pleasantly stunned with the number of comments about its practicality and helpfulness. Therefore, I will take it deeper.

What I did not have room for in that piece was the preliminary step, even prior to changing one’s ideas and behaviors. Preceding the rearrangement of one’s routines, one must query of himself: “Why am I going to change this?” Whether the topic is diet, relationships, finance, or attitude; this question is essential as it establishes motive, which affects the likelihood of success — or failure.

The answer will fall into one of three main categories:

  1. I want to live a better, happier, or healthier life
  2. I need to change or things will get worse
  3. I should do it (or I’ve been told I should do it)

With dedication, planning, and patience, the odds of success from number one or two is strong. This is so because the drive is internally motivated. Contrarily, if the inner voice replies with should, the results — if any — will be short-lived.

“Should” is the word used by the invisible committee of “they” to run our lives.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, goals, Newspaper Column, Psychology, Self Talk Tagged With: achieving your goals, dedication, goal setting, lifestyle change, motivation, patience, resolutions that stick

Say What?

December 5, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

“How much can I take off before I get weighed?” She asked.

A common question, I countered with my pat reply, “You are limited by your own standard of decency.” When I am queried about how much clothing one can shed, I know that the person I am about to weigh is having a rough time; I try and deliver the reply with humor.

She pondered that for a brief moment, forced a chuckle, then faced the scale and began shedding everything that weighed more than her earrings; should the jewelry have been more substantial, I assume she would have rid herself of them also.

“OK, let’s get it over with,” she said dropping her jacket and purse on to a nearby chair and sliding out of her shoes. “I’m really scared.” Most dieters prefer a root canal or IRS tax audit to facing the scale on a day when the number inches northward. Judging by the lack of enthusiasm she showed in today’s weight check, I would not have lost money should I have bet that she fell within that category.

“This won’t be pretty,” she whimpered, “I’ve been really bad.”

“Bad?” I asked. “Did you beat up people in the streets? Rob banks? Were you engaged in an illicit affair, inflicting severe emotional distress on your husband and children?”

“Well, no, of course not. But, I just didn’t stop eating all weekend. I don’t know what came over me. It’s like I didn’t care. There’s no other way to describe it; I was just awful. I can’t believe what an idiot I am.”

It’s odd how we use words, isn’t it?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Diet, mental health, Newspaper Column, Self Talk Tagged With: diet, dieters, happiness, insults, internal dialogue, negative self talk, weight loss

It’s OK to Ask for Praise

December 3, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

It’s OK to ask someone to praise you once in awhile.

No matter how old we are, we need to be recognized for what we do. It’s nice when it “just happens.” However, sometimes, it doesn’t. Unfortunately, when it doesn’t happen, many times we take that as a reason to get resentful. Not only does that ruin our attitude and make us feel bad, but it can damage the relationships that matter most to us.

Instead of feeling bad about not being recognized, point out what you did. Say how you feel about it. Ask to be recognized.

You did well. You deserve it. It’s fine to ask for it.

Just remember to praise and compliment others as often as you can too.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, mental health, Motivational Monday, Relationships, Self Talk Tagged With: asking for help, attitude, compliment, relationships

Living in the Here and Now

November 28, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Time is relative —

and who better to know that than Albert Einstein, who said,

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour.  Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.”

This concept affects us in virtually everything we do.

You need an unpleasant medical procedure, like a root canal. An appointment is scheduled a few weeks out. So, why is it that the days prior to the appointment fly by; yet, once you’re firmly planted in the chair, the minutes can’t move fast enough?

Your dream vacation, 14 days in a tropical paradise, is approaching in two weeks. Waiting to get on the plane takes “forever.” However, once you land, you know those exact same 14 days will shoot by at light-speed.

This fluidity boils down to a simple, twisted fact:

The more we want something, the longer it takes to get here and the faster it zips by. As a corollary, the more we want to avoid something, the quicker it shows up and the longer it remains.

Referencing the previous examples, since I really, really want to be in Hawaii, the wait-time to experience it is long-drawn-out. Yet, in a cruel twist of fate, since I don’t want to leave once I’m there, the time on vacation dissipates very quickly.

On the other hand, because I would do virtually anything to avoid being subjected to a dental drill, that appointment approaches more rapidly. However, since I so want to bolt from the dental chair, the period in which it holds me hostage slows to a crawl.

The concept of time’s flexibility is not new.

Though understanding it can make a significant impact on how to change one’s habits.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Diet, mental health, Newspaper Column, Self Talk, willpower Tagged With: anxieties, concept of time, diet, habit change, time passing, willpower

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