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Learning To Thrive

May 20, 2012 by Featured Author

Since starting my memoir this past January, the number one thing that I have realized is that no one knows exactly how I felt growing up and living with Cerebral Palsy – except me.

As a writer, that can often be a hard way to start off since I don’t have other sources to gather much information from. I just have my own memories and feelings of how my CP has impacted my life.

Even though I may have friends and family who want to understand, no one can say they know exactly what I faced.

Growing up, not having anyone who understood was hard. I attended a private school in my hometown from 1st grade until 10th grade, and even though the kids that I went to school with were some of the same kids that could be found on my street on the weekends playing in front yards and riding their bikes up and down the sidewalk, they didn’t really know me. They wondered about me, that I could tell. The way they stared but never said anything told me how they felt. Growing up, I hated the staring, and I still do. However, when I was at school and didn’t have much of anything to “hide behind,” there was no way to escape the staring. The kids I went to private school with hardly ever asked what was wrong with me. Either their parents had told them, or they just weren’t sure. As I was growing up, I quickly learned that I was the one that was going to have to initiate friendships. People weren’t going to walk up to me begging to hang out with me or sit with me at lunch, and that was something I had to deal with early on.

Therefore, I initiated things. I had to let other kids know that I was comfortable with myself so that they could be comfortable with me. When the other kids asked what was wrong with me, I’d say, “I have Cerebral Palsy. I was born with it.” That seemed to satisfy most of the kids. Though I knew they still didn’t fully understand, they were curious. All kids are curious. Therefore, I just had to find a way to answer their question without having to go into so much detail (since I didn’t fully understand things when I was that young either). Heck, I didn’t understand why I was different from all the other kids my age, so how could I explain that to the kids I went to school with. I couldn’t. It’s that simple.

These days, I’ve been hesitant to explain to friends about my CP just because I’ve realized that for most of them, it doesn’t matter. They are my friends, and they could care less about what’s wrong with me because to them it’s not a big deal. To them, it doesn’t define me. Even though it took me a long time to be able to vocally say that my Cerebral Palsy doesn’t define who I am, I have reached a point where I can talk about my CP with my friends (which I think is because I have started writing my memoir and am no longer afraid to be my true self). No, my CP doesn’t define me. However, it still affects me on a day-to-day basis. That’s not something that can be denied. Therefore, when I’ve told my friends about my CP, it hasn’t been hard for me. It’s been easier to talk about, and after I’ve opened up about it, I’ve gotten so much support from my friends about my strength and courage. And in my mind, getting that kind of response is worth facing the fear of talking about the disability that, though it may not define me, has impacted me on a physical and emotional level that most people can’t even fathom.

For me, every single day is a struggle, which is not something that most people know. Most people don’t realize that I still feel a large amount of physical pain, especially in my back, which often causes me to stop, place my hand on my lower back, and breathe through the pain. Even on the days when the pain gets bad though, I choose to be a fighter. I choose to be a fighter because honestly, what other choice do I have?

Giving up has never been an option for me, and so rather than simply allowing myself to wallow in self-pity, I’ve learned to thrive.

About the author: Amelia Coonrod is a college student from North Carolina majoring in Psychology and is now writing the memoir of her life living with Cerebral Palsy, which has acted as a jumping off point for her to have the opportunity to share her personal story with the world, with the goal of being an inspiration to kids and families of kids with disabilities. She spends her days surrounded by the beauty of the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina.

Even though there are many people she would like to thank, she primarily wants to thank her parents for their constant love and support, as well as Grace, the inspiration that helped Amelia realize that she wanted to begin opening up about her struggles regarding Cerebral Palsy.

She can be reached at acoonrod (at) unca.edu or you can can visit her website at lifeintheblueridges.wordpress.com

Looking for Laughter in Loss

April 19, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

by Allen Klein, MA, CSP

The poet Kahlil Gibran once wrote,

“the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.”

Comics know how true this is. A number of well-known comedians experienced a tragic childhood and turned their grief into humor.

Charlie Chaplin, for example, was five years old when his father died of alcoholism. Soon after that his mother went insane and no longer recognized her own son. Some of the other comedians who turned tears to laughter were Carol Burnett, Joe E. Brown, Jackie Gleason and Art Buchwald.

Research has also shown that there is a close connection between the tears of sorrow and the tears of joy.

Dr. William Frey II, a biochemist from Minnesota, has found that emotional tears contain a greater concentration of protein than tears that are produced by other means, such as those that occur when cutting an onion. (An odd bit of Ripley’s Believe-It-Or-Not here—Dr. William Frey II is a leading expert on tears; Dr. William Fry, Jr., a former professor at Stanford University, is a world renowned expert on laughter. There is cosmic comedy after all!!)

Frey (the crying expert) believes that tears resulting from sadness play an important part in removing harmful toxins that are produced by stress. He speculates that the tears produced by laughter serve the same function as the tears of sorrow.

In other words, laughter’s tears may also carry away harmful toxins from the body, and the suppression of them, as in the suppression of emotional tears, increases our susceptibility to stress-related disorders.

In spite of the connections between laughter and tears, I believe that there is a major difference. Laughter helps us transcend our suffering; crying does not.

Tears of sadness turn us inward; we cry and feel sorry for ourselves. Laughter, on the other hand, focuses us outward. Laughter expands our vision and gives us a new way of seeing our situation. Author Helmuth Plessner notes “The laughing person is open to the world.” The crying person, on the other hand, only sees his world, his suffering. Perhaps this is why one Yiddish proverb tells us: “laughter can be heard farther than weeping.”

Tears of sorrow focus only on one aspect of our loss, our pain. They emphasize the seriousness of the situation, bind us to our suffering, and narrow our vision.

On the other hand, when we can allow some humor to be part of our pain, we are not as directly involved in our suffering. It is as if we put on someone else’s glasses to view our situation. Everything seems familiar, but there is a slightly different look to the picture.

It is not that our pain itself has diminished; it’s just that space around it has gotten bigger. Any animal confined to a small area will eventually become agitated and restless. It will bray, kick and try to tear down the fence. Expand the fence, and it will be content. One Zen master advised, “To give your sheep or cow a large spacious meadow is the way to control him.” So to ease a loss, try making the fence bigger with laughter, not with tears.

©Allen Klein, 2012

About the author: Allen Klein was our guest expert as part of our free “Getting Past What Holds You Back” series of inspirational conversations. He spoke about Getting Past Loss. You can find out more about this series at www.ThisTimeIMeanIt.com/register To download the recordings, go here.

Award-winning professional speaker, Lifetime Achievement Award recipient from the Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor, Certified Speaking Professional from the National Speaker’s Association. Author of 17 books including, The Healing Power of Humor, The Courage to Laugh, Inspiration for a Lifetime, Change Your Life!: A Little Book of Big Ideas, Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying, and the audiobook TeacherLaughs. (You can find his books at http://www.allenklein.com/books.htm) He is also a writer for Examiner.com.

How to Get Along Better With Co-Workers & Break Your Annoying Habits

April 10, 2012 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

I’d always prided myself on being an excellent employee with a hard work ethic and focus on pleasing the client.

But, until recently, I never realized I was an annoying coworker to others in the office. I came to work on time, often arriving early, did my work and greatly increased the company’s profits. But unbeknownst to me, some of my work habits were driving the other workers in the office nuts, even though that was never my intention.

At the very least, you and your coworkers will spend 40 hours per week together. If travel and overtime occurs, those hours are extended even further. Bad habits such as cellphone use, being too talkative, leaving work early and surfing the Internet can annoy your office mates the way they were annoying mine. The tips below can help you avoid becoming an annoying worker like I was.

Identify Bad Habits. It’s simply not possible to change a habit if you don’t realize a negative one exists. Fortunately, a kind coworker took me aside one day and informed me that my talkative nature was getting on everyone’s nerves. I thought I was being friendly, but she let me know that I had a tendency to be too talkative and it was distracting people from their work. Once I knew my chatty ways were bothering other people in the office I was able to fix the problem.
Replace the Negative With the Positive. I often spent so much time talking during the workday that I had to skip lunch and eat while working at my desk. After my coworker talked to me a light bulb went on and I realized that, if I was more productive and less talkative during the day, I could join my coworkers in the cafeteria for lunch. When you can find a positive substitute for a negative habit, it’s easy to make a change.
Productive Association. Whether we realize it or not, we create associations in our minds between events and people. Some of my coworkers had associated me with feelings of annoyance. I had associated some of mine with rudeness. When I started saving my talkativeness for lunchtime my coworkers and I got along much better and started spending more time working together on projects. Soon gathering around one another’s desks created an association of productivity…something we all appreciated.
Use Willpower for Greater Success. There are still times when a thought pops into my head and I feel the urge to share it with my coworkers right away. But, instead, I write it down and save it for later or record a message on my PDF. Practicing willpower has helped me focus my time and attention on my work and, as a result, our entire office has increased sales and company profits.

Nowadays, many businesses are streamlining their hiring process and weeding out potentially ineffective employees through employee assessments. Companies such as Exact Hire help businesses narrow down their candidates by identifying positive and negative behaviors and characteristics. Those who are searching for a job are smart to nix those bad habits before the first interview to ensure they stand a chance of getting through an employee assessment with success. Although it’s possible to break bad habits like I did, it’s better to take a proactive approach by not being an annoying coworker in the first place. Thankfully, I was able to change my habits and repair the relationships I had with my coworkers. But it wasn’t easy and I had to work twice as hard to gain their trust and respect.

Unstuck! Bust Your Rut And Experience Immediate Results

April 6, 2012 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

IN A RUT?

Hit a dry spell? Down on your luck? It’s time you get unstuck!

We all find ourselves in the doldrums from time to time. Sales slump? Lacking motivation? Feeling under appreciated? Enough with the pity-party. Let’s bust your rut!

Remedial Rut-Busting

Whether you’re in an interview slump or a sales slump, here are five basics for busting your rut:

Exercise! You’d be surprised how quickly your reality changes when you change your body chemistry. And that’s what exercise does. Be creative about they type of exercise you engage in. Sure laps on tracks and in pools qualify…as do the stairs in your office. But why not make it more fun? Create your own par course. Design your own mini-triathlon when you pick three favorite modes of exercise. Learn a new sport this year to exercise your body. Exercise can include activities as diverse as soul line dancing, Brazilian caparei or Bikram yoga.
Change your menu. Review your meal menus and make some healthy substitutions. Start with a breakfast that includes protein, fruits and yes — even vegetables. For lunch and dinner limit red meat, and avoid processed meat. Hydrate yourself throughout the day: aim for 6-8 glasses of water a day. Enjoy dinner before 7:00pm, to allow your body to digest and metabolize food fully before you hit the La-Z-Boy or go to bed. If you still crave alcohol, I recommend Loft Liqueur, an organic liqueur that’s healthy and mixes well with other beverages.
Alter your routine. Change your rote patterns and processes. Alter your timetable, change your mealtimes, commute route, etc. You can even alter your seat at your meal table to change your perspective and experience. The variation will refresh you and add more vitality to your daily experience.
Costume Change. Review and upgrade your wardrobe. Are you wearing the same ensembles, same shoes and same colors (hopefully not on the same days!)? Change your wardrobe, enjoy a new hair style or even consider a new fragrance.
Seek out new perspectives. Conferring with others can give you new perspectives on old problems. Whether you seek the counsel of a loved one, member of the clergy, your mentor or a subject matter expert, discussions with others will offer you fresh ideas and help you bust your rut. Dig out of your rut through dialog. [Read more…]

Creating YOUR Personal Stress Management Plan

April 3, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

by Elaine Dumler

Part 3 of 3 (part 2 can be found here)

Stress is very personal, and so are the things in your life that create your stress. First, identify what “stresses you out” and make a management plan that works for you and your family. Begin with your “To Do” list.

Prioritize

When your “To Do” list becomes overwhelming, the stress it causes seems unbearable. You need to get that list down to a manageable size and here’s how to do that:

1. Write down everything you need to get done on List #1.

2. Divide a 2nd sheet of paper into three categories:

Critical – These items must be completed immediately because people or deadlines are depending on them. Some tasks that create conflict or are emotionally difficult to do should be placed here too.

Important – These tasks are not as immediate as critical, yet still urgent.

Postpone/Delegate – This category is a true stress reliever because it lets you delegate tasks. These tasks can slide for a bit while you tend to those on the critical list. Is it a task you can hand off to someone else? That takes it from your plate and may even work into another’s specialty area.

3. Now, return to list #1 and go through each item one at a time. Honestly determine where to place each task on your category list. You should have a new priority list that is fairly evenly divided among the three categories. This is more manageable.

4. Begin to tackle your tasks with the list under “Critical.”

Try to set a few specific times during the day when you’ll respond to email.
At the start of each week, review what needs to be done so you have a good idea of what’s coming up.

Organize

You’ll find extra time in your day if you organize areas of your life to enable you to function more efficiently. [Read more…]

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