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You are here: Home / Archives for parents

Growing Up in an Overweight Family

January 24, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

by Tara Spener

My parents have always been overweight.

When I was very young, it wasn’t something that I really noticed. They were just my parents. I didn’t notice or didn’t understand that they were heavier than they should be.

However, as I got older, that changed. Over time, my parents’ weight was about much more than their health.

When I was a young child, my parents being overweight meant that they couldn’t play with me the way some of my friends’ parents could play with them. There were no games of chase, no family bouts of tug of war, no family football matches in the backyard. It also meant that they didn’t have the energy for me. They were often too tired from their day to do more than sit down on the couch at the end of the day.

In the beginning, I just thought that’s the way things were, but as time went on, it started to weigh on me that my parents couldn’t (or didn’t want to) do the things that other parents did. I felt like I was missing out in some small way.

Meal times were not the most healthy.

It wasn’t until I was a teenager that I started to think of dinner as something that didn’t come from a box. Once I started to become more interested in eating healthy foods, my parents couldn’t provide me the guidance I needed. They weren’t able to teach me how to make nutritious meals. It wasn’t until I was married that I knew how to make a roast chicken. It wasn’t until college that I knew how to do more than boil some spaghetti noodles.

The unhealthy foods and the unhealthy role models made it hard for me to know how to live a healthy lifestyle.

Once I got to high school, I became interested in track, and I started to lead a more active lifestyle myself. I struggled for many more years trying to learn how to eat a healthy and balanced diet, and I continue to struggle with body issues.

Because my parents didn’t teach me healthy habits, I never learned how to listen to my body and give it the healthy foods it needed. I didn’t learn to exercise because of what it could do for my body and how it could make it feel. As a result, I struggled for a long time with learning how to say no to foods and with learning to strike the right balance with exercise. I either worked out too much or not at all. I either ate too much or too little.

Continuing to run track in college helped me to find that balance.

I learned how to train to push my body to its highest performance. I learned how to eat a healthy diet that gave me energy and made me feel great. Most of all, I learned how to love my body and to treat it with the respect it deserved.

My parents still struggle with their weight.

However, now I am able to offer them the role model that I had hoped they would be for me. With time, I hope that they are able to learn how to adopt a healthier lifestyle so that they can live long and fulfilling lives. And maybe one day we’ll be able to enjoy that game of tag … with their grandchildren.

About the Author: Tara Spenser is currently the resident writer for workingcapital.org, where she researches the most affordable business capital available. In her spare time, she enjoys blogging, swimming and being a mom.

Filed Under: Change, family, Guest Author, Health, Relationships Tagged With: bad habits, being overweight, better health, family time, healthy habits, how to live a healthy lifestyle, obesity, parents, quality of life, relationships, role models

Not What We Remembered

October 3, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I was born in Detroit, Michigan.

When I was seven years old, in 1962, my parents moved to California. (It seemed appropriate for me to go with them.)

Recently, I was speaking in the Great Lake State and had a few spare days, and the assistance of my cousin Steve, who still lives there; so I wanted to revisit my first elementary school and the last house I remember from early childhood. We clambered into his green panel van and headed to Livonia, a suburb.

As an important aside, I provide a cautionary note.

While Steve slowly drove by Botsford Elementary, giving me plenty of viewing time to prompt old memories, the staff began studying us through the school’s windows. Realizing this was no longer 50 years ago; it dawned on me that two middle-aged men driving sluggishly around an elementary school in a panel van could be misinterpreted.

We moved on.

Of course, any vehicle listlessly rolling down a street with its residents studying every house will attract attention anywhere; so as we passed “my” house, the resident studied us from his front porch. Not desirous of another misinterpretation, I approached the young man and reached out to shake his hand.

“Hi, my name’s Scott. I lived here from 1958 through 1962. I’m visiting from California and I wanted to see where I was little. Would it be okay if I looked around?”

“Wow! I wasn’t even born then! Sure. Feel free.”

Emboldened, I took it another step.

“Would it be too much to ask if I could go inside?”

“I’m a trusting guy,” he replied, “Come in.”

As I understand it, we remember every single event that ever happened to us.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Beliefs, Newspaper Column, Self Talk, Traditions Tagged With: detroit michigan, early childhood, family, memory, old memories, parents, subconscious memory

Learning To Thrive

May 20, 2012 by Featured Author

Since starting my memoir this past January, the number one thing that I have realized is that no one knows exactly how I felt growing up and living with Cerebral Palsy – except me.

As a writer, that can often be a hard way to start off since I don’t have other sources to gather much information from. I just have my own memories and feelings of how my CP has impacted my life.

Even though I may have friends and family who want to understand, no one can say they know exactly what I faced.

Growing up, not having anyone who understood was hard. I attended a private school in my hometown from 1st grade until 10th grade, and even though the kids that I went to school with were some of the same kids that could be found on my street on the weekends playing in front yards and riding their bikes up and down the sidewalk, they didn’t really know me. They wondered about me, that I could tell. The way they stared but never said anything told me how they felt. Growing up, I hated the staring, and I still do. However, when I was at school and didn’t have much of anything to “hide behind,” there was no way to escape the staring. The kids I went to private school with hardly ever asked what was wrong with me. Either their parents had told them, or they just weren’t sure. As I was growing up, I quickly learned that I was the one that was going to have to initiate friendships. People weren’t going to walk up to me begging to hang out with me or sit with me at lunch, and that was something I had to deal with early on.

Therefore, I initiated things. I had to let other kids know that I was comfortable with myself so that they could be comfortable with me. When the other kids asked what was wrong with me, I’d say, “I have Cerebral Palsy. I was born with it.” That seemed to satisfy most of the kids. Though I knew they still didn’t fully understand, they were curious. All kids are curious. Therefore, I just had to find a way to answer their question without having to go into so much detail (since I didn’t fully understand things when I was that young either). Heck, I didn’t understand why I was different from all the other kids my age, so how could I explain that to the kids I went to school with. I couldn’t. It’s that simple.

These days, I’ve been hesitant to explain to friends about my CP just because I’ve realized that for most of them, it doesn’t matter. They are my friends, and they could care less about what’s wrong with me because to them it’s not a big deal. To them, it doesn’t define me. Even though it took me a long time to be able to vocally say that my Cerebral Palsy doesn’t define who I am, I have reached a point where I can talk about my CP with my friends (which I think is because I have started writing my memoir and am no longer afraid to be my true self). No, my CP doesn’t define me. However, it still affects me on a day-to-day basis. That’s not something that can be denied. Therefore, when I’ve told my friends about my CP, it hasn’t been hard for me. It’s been easier to talk about, and after I’ve opened up about it, I’ve gotten so much support from my friends about my strength and courage. And in my mind, getting that kind of response is worth facing the fear of talking about the disability that, though it may not define me, has impacted me on a physical and emotional level that most people can’t even fathom.

For me, every single day is a struggle, which is not something that most people know. Most people don’t realize that I still feel a large amount of physical pain, especially in my back, which often causes me to stop, place my hand on my lower back, and breathe through the pain. Even on the days when the pain gets bad though, I choose to be a fighter. I choose to be a fighter because honestly, what other choice do I have?

Giving up has never been an option for me, and so rather than simply allowing myself to wallow in self-pity, I’ve learned to thrive.

About the author: Amelia Coonrod is a college student from North Carolina majoring in Psychology and is now writing the memoir of her life living with Cerebral Palsy, which has acted as a jumping off point for her to have the opportunity to share her personal story with the world, with the goal of being an inspiration to kids and families of kids with disabilities.  She spends her days surrounded by the beauty of the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina.

Even though there are many people she would like to thank, she primarily wants to thank her parents for their constant love and support, as well as Grace, the inspiration that helped Amelia realize that she wanted to begin opening up about her struggles regarding Cerebral Palsy.

She can be reached at acoonrod (at) unca.edu or you can can visit her website at lifeintheblueridges.wordpress.com

Filed Under: Guest Author, Happiness, Inspiration, Overcoming Obstacles, Power of Attitude Tagged With: attitude, cerebral palsy, feelings, friends and family, living with cerebral palsy, memories, parents, relationships

Letting Go Of Childhood Pain

May 3, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Self-Acceptance Affirmation

Overcompensating for what my parents said to me will not change what they said.

It may seem “silly” but many of our behaviors started when we were children.  Our parents – who were doing the best they knew how to do – passed along what they had learned from their parents, who passed along what they learned, who passed along what they learned…

If what we learned as children is still helpful to us now, it makes sense to continue to believe it. However, if the result is painful, it’s time to release it and move on.

However, do it with grace and compassion. Blame will not help.

I accept that my parents did the best they knew how to do. I am doing the same.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Affirmation, Traditions Tagged With: affirmation, childhood pain, compassion, letting go, parents

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