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No Regrets at End of Life

May 3, 2017 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

If I ever lost my phone, I wouldn’t know what to do.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not one of those people who is glued to the glowing screen, constantly texting or hanging out on social media, unable to be still with my thoughts for a few moments. I quite literally would not know what to do. I enter my appointments, to-dos, and tasks in my phone’s apps. I even have a category for “dates to remember.”

It’s not just birthdays and anniversaries, but other dates that matter. For example, October 17, 1994 was the first time my (not yet) wife said she loved me. Every year, it shows up on my calendar as a reminder of what’s important to me. October 25, 2011 was the date I was almost killed in a car versus bike accident. I remind myself of that every 365 days to remind myself to be thankful. My youngest son moved to Portland October 8, 2009. I don’t know why I keep track of that, but it seems like an important date.

Not everything is in October. For example, May 6, 1984 is when my grandmother, Zlote Zelby passed on, approximately three months after my oldest son was born. She always wanted to be a great-grandmother and for those 117 final days in her life, she was; he being the only great-grandchild she ever met.

Zlote spent most of that time in the hospital, suffering from congestive heart failure; which eventually claimed her. I have one photograph of her in the hospital sitting in a wheelchair with an oxygen tube connected to her nose. Surrounding her stood my mother and my aunt, with me sitting next to her, holding my son on my lap. Four generations together for one brief moment, captured on film. Only my son and I are still around.

My grandmother was an incredibly strong woman, as a Russian immigrant, non-English speaking, widowed mother of three in the 1930s, she ran her own business. Yet as age took its toll, her later years were filled with regrets. The anniversary of her passing – as well as my own thoughts about aging – caused me to look at my own life, “Do I have any regrets?”

Sure, we all have regrets.

But, at least for me, I’m fortunate; thy are few. God-willing, I’ve still got time to deal with them.

On the website, “Collective Evolution,” I found an article, compiled by a palliative nurse who listed the Top Five Regrets at the end of life. Consider it a cautionary tale. The list follows, each starting with “I wish…” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, family, Happiness, Health, Newspaper Column, planning Tagged With: aging, death, family, friends and family, regrets, sad ending

Unleashing Your Positive Side

May 30, 2013 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

success joy happinessYour attitude can make all the difference.  The actual act of thinking positively or negatively requires the same amount of energy. Of course the end results are very different.  A negative attitude will lead you into negative situations.  Most of the time you’ll suppress your full potential and follow down a path of failure.  Finding the positive in any situation can lift your spirits and set you on a better pathway to achieving what you want out of life.

It takes a lot of work to maintain a positive attitude. Proper planning and preparation will set you on the path to achieving the goal of living positively.  Follow these tips to learn how to unleash your positive side so that you improve relationships with friends and family, and impact coworkers and others around you.

Personal Assessment

The very first step is to take a self assessment.  Before you can proceed with any changes you should review your own disposition and current situation.  Take a long hard look and be honest with yourself.  This will not be easy, but it can be done.  You can’t change anything until you identify the areas that need the most emphasis.  Make a list and note down the negative aspects of your life.  Think about your attitude, how you live and your relationships.

Setting Goals

[Read more…]

Filed Under: goals, Gratitude, Guest Author, Motivation, Power of Attitude Tagged With: affirmation, affirmations, attitude, friends and family, personal assessment, personal development, positive attitude, self assessment, setting goals, specific and measurable goals

Give a Gift to Your Family

February 18, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

girl with gift bagGive a gift to friends and family.

If you’re happy with those around you, show it.

It doesn’t have to be a large demonstration. You can show how much you care by picking up a small gift now and then. Buy a $5 gift card. Send a cute greeting card.

If money is an issue, leave a note or make a phone call.

The reaction you receive will give you as much pleasure as it will give them.

 

Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

Filed Under: family, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: friends and family, gifts, gratitude

Keeping Cool While Moving

June 15, 2012 by Featured Author

Many things cause us to lose our cool in stressful situations.

Sometimes frustration and aggravation can be controlled. Other times, control doesn’t come easily. I recently moved houses across the country and didn’t handle it as well as I could have. Nothing went the way I planned. Instead of dealing with things calmly, I found myself taking my anger out on others and saying things I later regretted.

Before the move even started, my husband and I found it hard to agree on anything regarding how it should be handled. He was convinced that if we didn’t enlist the help of family, friends or a moving company, we’d get in way over our heads and wouldn’t be able to handle moving across the country on our own. I was sure we didn’t need any help and were perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves.

About a week before we were supposed to move, I started panicking. Nothing was working out the way I wanted, clothes and personal items I needed had gotten lost in the shuffle and we were in no way prepared to pack everything into our two cars and my parents’ too-small trailer. My husband avoided me at any cost, knowing any wrong word could send me into a tantrum.

Finally, he had enough and decided to call on some family and friends to help us out before I completely lost it. They helped pack the remainder of our old home and even helped us squeeze all our belongings into the two cars and trailer. Looking back, there were a lot of things I wish I had done differently during the whole moving process. I pass these thoughts on to you, in hopes they can save you from alienating close friends and family.

What I should’ve done during the move

  1. Plan ahead. Making a monthly or weekly packing schedule would’ve saved us a lot of time and arguments. Taking the time to decide what belongings could be packed sooner and what we’d need until the day of the move could have helped us be more organized and stress-free.
  1. Take a deep breath. Instead of instantly reacting to stressful situations, I should’ve taken time to cool down. Thinking about what you say before you say it can help to avoid unnecessary arguments and hurt feelings.
  1. Get help. My friends and family were shocked when I didn’t ask them for help during the move.  They were eager to relieve the stress we had put on ourselves. If I could do it again, I’d also hire a moving company to help us with the heavy lifting. Moving our furniture and appliances took a lot more effort and manpower than we anticipated.
  1. Take breaks. Sometimes it’s best to walk away from a stressful situation. Moving involves lots of walking, packing and organizing everything you own. This can wear down your nerves, so be sure to make the time for stress-free activities.
  2. Let it go. Things don’t always go according to plan and I have a difficult time accepting when things don’t go my way. If I had just put things into perspective, it would’ve been much easier to roll with the punches.

I hope these tips are useful for those who are going through or are thinking about moving. You can avoid a lot of hard feelings if you take the time to think about what you’re about to do or say. Once we got settled in  our new home, it was easy to look back on this situation and laugh at how easily we could’ve avoided all that stress. If we ever decide to move again, which won’t be for a long time, at least we’ll be prepared for the obstacles we’re bound to face.

Filed Under: Change, Guest Author Tagged With: aggression, change, family, friends and family, frustration, moving, quality of life, stress, stressful situations

Learning To Thrive

May 20, 2012 by Featured Author

Since starting my memoir this past January, the number one thing that I have realized is that no one knows exactly how I felt growing up and living with Cerebral Palsy – except me.

As a writer, that can often be a hard way to start off since I don’t have other sources to gather much information from. I just have my own memories and feelings of how my CP has impacted my life.

Even though I may have friends and family who want to understand, no one can say they know exactly what I faced.

Growing up, not having anyone who understood was hard. I attended a private school in my hometown from 1st grade until 10th grade, and even though the kids that I went to school with were some of the same kids that could be found on my street on the weekends playing in front yards and riding their bikes up and down the sidewalk, they didn’t really know me. They wondered about me, that I could tell. The way they stared but never said anything told me how they felt. Growing up, I hated the staring, and I still do. However, when I was at school and didn’t have much of anything to “hide behind,” there was no way to escape the staring. The kids I went to private school with hardly ever asked what was wrong with me. Either their parents had told them, or they just weren’t sure. As I was growing up, I quickly learned that I was the one that was going to have to initiate friendships. People weren’t going to walk up to me begging to hang out with me or sit with me at lunch, and that was something I had to deal with early on.

Therefore, I initiated things. I had to let other kids know that I was comfortable with myself so that they could be comfortable with me. When the other kids asked what was wrong with me, I’d say, “I have Cerebral Palsy. I was born with it.” That seemed to satisfy most of the kids. Though I knew they still didn’t fully understand, they were curious. All kids are curious. Therefore, I just had to find a way to answer their question without having to go into so much detail (since I didn’t fully understand things when I was that young either). Heck, I didn’t understand why I was different from all the other kids my age, so how could I explain that to the kids I went to school with. I couldn’t. It’s that simple.

These days, I’ve been hesitant to explain to friends about my CP just because I’ve realized that for most of them, it doesn’t matter. They are my friends, and they could care less about what’s wrong with me because to them it’s not a big deal. To them, it doesn’t define me. Even though it took me a long time to be able to vocally say that my Cerebral Palsy doesn’t define who I am, I have reached a point where I can talk about my CP with my friends (which I think is because I have started writing my memoir and am no longer afraid to be my true self). No, my CP doesn’t define me. However, it still affects me on a day-to-day basis. That’s not something that can be denied. Therefore, when I’ve told my friends about my CP, it hasn’t been hard for me. It’s been easier to talk about, and after I’ve opened up about it, I’ve gotten so much support from my friends about my strength and courage. And in my mind, getting that kind of response is worth facing the fear of talking about the disability that, though it may not define me, has impacted me on a physical and emotional level that most people can’t even fathom.

For me, every single day is a struggle, which is not something that most people know. Most people don’t realize that I still feel a large amount of physical pain, especially in my back, which often causes me to stop, place my hand on my lower back, and breathe through the pain. Even on the days when the pain gets bad though, I choose to be a fighter. I choose to be a fighter because honestly, what other choice do I have?

Giving up has never been an option for me, and so rather than simply allowing myself to wallow in self-pity, I’ve learned to thrive.

About the author: Amelia Coonrod is a college student from North Carolina majoring in Psychology and is now writing the memoir of her life living with Cerebral Palsy, which has acted as a jumping off point for her to have the opportunity to share her personal story with the world, with the goal of being an inspiration to kids and families of kids with disabilities.  She spends her days surrounded by the beauty of the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina.

Even though there are many people she would like to thank, she primarily wants to thank her parents for their constant love and support, as well as Grace, the inspiration that helped Amelia realize that she wanted to begin opening up about her struggles regarding Cerebral Palsy.

She can be reached at acoonrod (at) unca.edu or you can can visit her website at lifeintheblueridges.wordpress.com

Filed Under: Guest Author, Happiness, Inspiration, Overcoming Obstacles, Power of Attitude Tagged With: attitude, cerebral palsy, feelings, friends and family, living with cerebral palsy, memories, parents, relationships

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