This is the eighth in a series of Friday Motivational videos with successful people discussing with Scott how to get past what holds you back. In a hallway meeting at a conference (hence the background noise), Scott “Q” Marcus talks with Rebecca Morgan, bestselling author, trusted adviser to executives, international consultant, seminar leader, and speaker; on why her use of to-do lists – as well as an amazing attitude – prevents her from getting stressed out.
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Learning to Love Instead of Judge
Looking for the road to happiness can seem like a non-stop trek through the jungle.
As I learned on my journey through life, seeking happiness can take time and the short time before problems or unexpected events occur can seem as fleeting as a wave on the beach. The emotion that is often associated with happiness can wash up and then slide away into negative judgments, harsh beliefs and a jaded point of view.
Facing the Past
Learning to avoid judgment was a problem I faced from the time I was very young. Although I did have moments of contentment during my teen years, my early childhood was a time of constant stress, fear and worry. As a result of a traumatic childhood, I am still unable to recall anything that happened before my teen years.
Although the memories were lost, I often felt anxious when I was talking to adults and I was very aware of differences between people. I found myself judging people based on the most insignificant details, often wondering if that time spent laughing with my friend meant that I would lose that connection. I worried constantly and I was always nervous around those I didn’t know.
As I grew older and realized that I couldn’t remember much, I began withdrawing into myself and judging people more freely. I assumed that others had negative intentions and treated them with a frigid courtesy that barely passed for polite.
It was only after I met a friend at work who was openly friendly and constantly smiling that I learned what I was missing. That feeling of happiness I longed for was within reach and I ultimately asked her for advice on how I could obtain the same cheer and joy.
Her advice helped me reach real happiness, though it took me time to learn how to stop judging others.
Let Go of the Past and Future
Learning to love everyone and give a whole heart is challenging when holding onto a future goal or a past hurt. In my experience, holding onto past prejudice and the hurts caused by others is a fruitless endeavor that ultimately leads to a path of sorrow and anger. The best advice I was given to reach for happiness is to forgive the past and move into the present.
It’s the same for those living for a future goal. While it’s important to set goals, it’s also important to focus on the current situation. The future isn’t here yet, so it’s not possible to enjoy that moment. It’s called the present because it’s a gift, so it’s time to focus on that gift and live in the now.
Release Judgmental Thoughts
Letting go of judgmental thoughts is a hard lesson to learn, but it’s ultimately a key part of happiness. I learned to stop judging others when I began volunteering at the Chickasaw Nation Boys and Girls Club Teamwork Camp. It was there that I learned how similar every individual actually is because we are all imperfect creatures. The Chickasaw teamwork and spirit of togetherness inspired me to move past my own insecurities enough to love everyone around me. Trying to apply the spiritual lessons might seem hard, but it is ultimately about learning to love even the mistakes.
Everyone makes mistakes and judging others for their missteps, accidents or misunderstandings will only make the situation worse. Take a deep breath and let go of the negative thoughts that come from the actions of others. Forgive them for their mistakes and happiness will ultimately follow.
Life is too short to keep judging others.
By letting go of the judgment, focusing on the present and offering forgiveness for hurts, it’s possible to live a happy life.
Why Do We Keep Doing That?
When I attended UCLA —
during the late Pliocene and early Pleistocene epochs — a story circulated among the undergrads about the ultimate final exam, which supposedly had taken place in a Philosophy class.
As urban legend had it, the students, bleary eyed from sleepless nights of contemplating The Theory of Forms and defending or arguing whether one can indeed step twice in the same river waited while the professor sauntered into the mini amphitheater, faced them square on, dramatically waiting for silence. Then theatrically, he pronounced, “For your final exam, answer only this one question.”
With staged flourish, he turned to the chalkboard and scrawled:
“Why?”
Most in attendance did not expect this, and ascribing to a more crass philosophy — “If you can’t dazzle ‘em with brilliance, baffle ‘em with B.S.” — utilized the full allotted period to elaborate on this ultimate of all queries. After all, a question with such far-reaching bounds must be worthy of many pages and much ink.
Yet, as the story unfolds, the student who received the highest grade took no more than ten seconds to pen his rejoinder, strolling from the room almost immediately, while histrionically dropping his blue book on the instructor’s desk.
Simply, he had written,
“Why not?”
Now it’s my turn: “Why?”
“Why do we do what we do when we know that what we do will move us further from health, happiness or success?”
Before the knee-jerk reply, “I don’t,” escapes your lips, consider these examples. [Read more…]
How to Deal with Everyday Stress
Even though we live in a society where more things are automated than ever before, it seems that the amount of responsibility that most people feel is weighing them down is only increasing. If you are stressed out, if you that stress is taking over your life, there is a good chance that you are not making the best possible decisions.
While there is a thin line between a moderate amount of stress (which can provide you with great results) and an oppressive and unproductive level of stress, it is important to balance the line for yourself. The best way to avoid this ‘consuming’ form of stress is by keeping your stress at a manageable level. If you want to learn how to manage your daily stress level, just follow these four steps. [Read more…]
A Better Life, Thanks To YOU!
Our brains are tricky organs.
They control our every movement, conscious or not, and guide us through our lives; from stumbling into our first steps, to hobbling through our last days on Earth. And we only use a tiny percentage of their full capacity.
Your brain can be trained to respond with certain emotions in triggered situations. That’s how post-traumatic stress disorder works.
But it can also work in your favor. You can program your mind to feed positivity into your perception with just a few conscious triggers.
Gratitude is the most powerful of these triggers.
Call it what you will; Karma; paying it forward; what goes around comes around… the concept has an amalgam of names, but it principal is simple: doing good does good for you.
If you approach your life with the intention of improving it in every moment, you’ll begin to live the best possible version of it. Being constantly conscious of your emotional and physical well-being, and always aware of how you can improve on it, will create neural pathways in your brain which trigger positive feelings and motivation.
Experts know
While I wouldn’t pull the, “Trust me, I’m a doctor,” card, I do have a solid understanding of the human brain. But you don’t have to take it from me; there are countless expert diet, exercise, and positive living gurus out there who can attest to the validity of a positive attitude’s impact.
Diet Solution Program review testimonies are just some examples of gratitude’s impact on a positive life. Furthermore, every one of my friends in the industry of improving well-being will tell you without hesitation that one of the top ways to make your life better is to be more grateful.
Make every moment a meal.
Look, when you’re about to eat a delicious meal at a restaurant, what do you do? You imagine how wonderful it will taste. You say, “I can’t wait to eat this!” You salivate every time the waiter walks by, and you take a few moments to observe its perfection before diving in fork-first when the course finally arrives.
This primal reaction gears your brain up to receive something good. By mentally and verbally preparing, your brain is laying down a walkway for the pleasure receptors to tell you, “Yes, this IS delicious!”
Acknowledging good things makes them more tangible. Start approaching every day as if it were a tantalizing dish in your favorite restaurant.
It’s simply contagious
If you’ve ever stood near a yawning coworker, you know how contagious human actions can be. But yawning isn’t the only thing you can pick up from a coworker.
In fact, facial expressions in general are contagious. We tend to mirror the emotions of those around us, in an effort to assimilate into the environment, so if you’re always frowning or scowling, you’re likely to find yourself consistently surrounded by negative, unhappy people.
On the opposite side of that same coin, if you don a sincere smile (even a small one) and make an effort to acknowledge the people you see for positive facets—whether you’re complementing an outfit or an act of kindness—you’re infinitely more likely to find yourself in a world of grateful people.
The happier you are, the happier the people in your life are. And once the happiness is pumping, it’s hard to turn off that faucet.
Be constantly grateful
Thanksgiving day isn’t the only time you should acknowledge the things you’re grateful for. An average more conducive exercise in happiness would be the fourth hour of every day, or an even more frequent tip-of-the-hat than that.
It’s easy to get caught up in negativity. You missed the early train to work. You spilled coffee on a report for your boss. The kids decided the living room wall was their own personal Crayola palette. But finding the good things in your day is more difficult, and takes practice. Get yourself into the habit of taking a few deep breaths three or four times a day and consciously—even audibly—talking yourself through the things you’re grateful for in life.
Nothing is to large or small to include on this list, and whether you use the mantra of, “family, home, health,” or personalize it on a daily basis, you’ve found a very active way to incorporate gratitude.
What’s important is that you’re training your brain to be positive.
By doing so, you’re building the foundation for a better, healthier, more positive life.
About the author: Dr. Mike Tremba has personally seen how gratitude can change people’s lives (including his own). Much a product of his own experiences, he developed his website at , www.NaturalWeightLossTruth.com. Whether it’s helping others to lose weight, or simply to find more passion for life, Dr. Mike is passionate about sharing what he’s learned. In his free time, he’s blessed to spend time with his wife (and best friend) Shari near the beautiful beaches of southern Alabama.