This Time I Mean It

Getting Past What Holds You Back with Baby Boomer Weight Loss Expert Scott 'Q' Marcus

  • Home
  • Change Habits
    • 21 Day Habit Change.com
  • Blog
    • Newspaper Column
    • Motivational Monday
  • Work With Scott
    • Meet Scott
    • Scott’s Powerful Fun Style
    • For Meeting Planners
    • Speaking Topics
    • What Conference Attendees Say
    • Book Scott to Speak
  • Shop
  • Meet Scott
  • Testimonials
  • Contact Us
    • Sign up for the FREE ezine
You are here: Home / Archives for mental health

How and Why to Stop Using the Word “Should”

August 30, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

My friend (and fellow speaker) Mike Robbins, posts a great comment on use of the word should on his blog today. Since that’s one of my favorite topics, I replied at his blog. However, I also wanted to put my comments here. Please add yours too!

You prompted a big one for me!

As a “recovering perfectionist,” I realized that I never measured up so when I lost my weight, I gave up on the word “should” as I realized that was a word used by the “invisible committee of they” to run my life. “You should be a better dad!” “You should be skinnier!” “You should be richer, smarter, taller, faster…” They were messages comparing me to an unattainable ideal with the sole purpose to make me feel bad.

And, on top of that, to whom do you try and explain? There’s no “court of appeal” that gives you the option to learn. THEY just tell you that you’re not good enough.

So, I decided I wouldn’t use the word anymore. However, a good friend of mine became concerned and pointed out that “should” is also the “moral word.” It’s what tells us how to be “good people” and if we don’t do what we “should” do, we might be “bad” (poor choice of words – but I’m sure you get it) people.

I gave some thought to that and was able to work it out by coming up with 3 questions. When I feel like I “should” do something, I ask myself these 3 questions in order:

1) Do I NEED to do that?
This takes care of my responsibilities, such as exercise, doctor’s visits, paying taxes, etc. I might not like doing them, but it’s the “adult” thing to do and the price for not doing them is too high.  

2) Do I WANT to do that?
I believe we never grow up, we merely become “wrinkled kids.” That inner child still has dreams. They must be acknowledged. So, this is where I go for walks, relax, play. I don’t “need” to do these per se but life is too bland without them.

3) In the answer to the first 2 questions is “no,” I ask myself: If the roles were reversed, would I want someone else to do this for me?
That takes care of the moral responsibilities. I don’t “need” to donate to charity. I might not even “want” to donate to charity (as example). But should I ever be on the receiving end, Id’s sure hope someone else was there giving. So, I donate…

By using these 3 questions, I have dropped the word “should” completely and I lead a happier, healthier, moral life. I hope it helps.

Filed Under: Change, mental health, Overcoming Perfectionsim, Self Talk Tagged With: mike robbins, perfectionist

How Giving In Can Help You Get Ahead

August 28, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

dieting will powerby guest author Tara Spenser

Dieting can lead to a vicious yo-yo cycle that can have you swearing to cut out all junk food one day and binging on ice cream the next. Sometimes, it seems the more you try, the harder it is to succeed.

Though it may seem counter-intuitive, sometimes, the best way to get ahead and to finally meet your diet and fitness goals is simply to give in.

Here’s why:

Takes the Pressure Off

 When you think about your diet all the time – what you are supposed to eat, what you can’t eat, and what has to happen – you start to put so much pressure on yourself that you may be tempted to eat what you aren’t “supposed to” or to skip going to the gym. The constant thought of your new regime can make you focus too much on temptation, cause you to rebel against it, or just make you feel like you don’t have the mental energy to see it through.

When you stop thinking about all the new “rules” all the time, you feel less pressure and will be more likely to eat in a healthy way. Going to the gym might seem a little more enjoyable. When something seems less like work, it becomes something you are more likely to do.

Limits Feelings of Deprivation

If someone were to tell you right now that you can never eat a doughnut ever again, what would you do? Chances are you would start to think about donuts – maybe think about them a lot. You will start to think about how delicious they are, how long is has been since you’ve had one, and how impossible a future without those donuts seems. Chances are also good that you would go out and eat a doughnut – or two or three or a dozen.

By not focusing on what you “can’t” have, you are less likely to want to indulge in it. Successful dieters sometimes indulge in treats. If you feel a craving for a do-nut – or any other junk food – or you want to indulge at a party, go ahead and eat the doughnut. Accept that you have permitted yourself an indulgence, and move on. Get back on track later. Don’t beat yourself up for being “bad,” as it will likely lead to more indulgences that will completely derail your diet plan.

Allows You to Focus on the Positive

Many dieters focus on absolutes. Either food is “good” or it’s “bad.” Either you are sticking to your diet plan or you aren’t. Indulgences are seen as failures. One chocolate bar can indicate the end of the diet, leading the diet to give up completely.

By allowing yourself to let go of these expectations, you leave yourself room to focus on the positive. Instead of talking about what you aren’t doing, you can highlight the ways in which you are succeeding. Maybe you did have a chocolate bar for breakfast, but instead of dwelling on that, you can focus on the delicious salad you had for lunch or the baked chicken and Brussels sprouts you had for dinner. Celebrate your successes and you will feel more encouraged to continue on your healthy journey.

Allows You to Honor the Process

Success doesn’t come quickly, and you can’t change your habits overnight. Putting too much pressure on yourself only sets you up for failure. If you expect to just stop eating all sugar overnight, or only eat whole foods, or never eat saturated fat again, you’ll likely feel frustrated and defeated the first time that you inevitably break one of these rules.

Understanding that healthy dieting and fitness is a process can help you to achieve success. When you eat unhealthy foods or skip a day – or a week – at the gym, you don’t have to feel like a failure. You can recognize that it is part of the process and know that you will keep working through your goals and find more successes in the future.

In many ways, giving in can help you to get ahead with your dieting goals. “Giving in” doesn’t mean giving up – it means to let go of your expectations and all the rules you establish for yourself so that you can focus on establishing new healthy eating patterns in general.

Have you found that giving in has helped you to get ahead and reach your dieting goals? Tell us about it in the comments!

About the Author: Tara Spenser is currently the resident writer for workingcapital.org, where she researches the most affordable small business loan interest rates available. In her spare time, she enjoys blogging, swimming and being a mom.

 

Filed Under: Diet, Exercise, goals, Guest Author, mental health, Self Talk, Weight Loss Tagged With: diet, dieters, feelings, fitness goals, indulgence, temptation

Less Guilt and Shame

August 20, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

If guilt and shame were motivational, we’d all be more successful.

It’s amazing how quick we are to beat ourselves up and how slow we are to congratulate ourselves. For some reason, we think that if we say enough critical stuff to ourselves, it will motivate us to do better.

If we said out loud to children what we say to ourselves in our heads, we’d all be locked up for child abuse.

Find ways to congratulate yourself for what you do well and constructive ways to improve what you don’t do well. The alternative simply does not work.

Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

Filed Under: Inspiration, mental health, Motivational Products, Power of Attitude, Self Talk Tagged With: guilt, guilt and shame, negative self talk, negative thoughts, self talk, shame

Learning to Play: 10 Classes to Take Just for Fun

August 16, 2012 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

by Pepper Givens

While it’s always important to keep on learning throughout life, there is no reason to turn learning into a code word for drudgery. In fact, learning new things is the perfect way to incorporate a little fun into your day. Taking classes just for fun is an opportunity to, not only learn a new skill, but to actually learn how to let go have fun again! If you’re stuck for ideas on new things to do, try out some of these accessible and fun courses. You can find most of them through community programs or available at local colleges and universities:

1. Acting

While you may want to make sure you enroll in a class that is not meant for professional actors, there are plenty of different reasons why an acting class can be a blast. If you’ve ever wanted to be on stage, this is the perfect time to just let loose and go for it. You never know, a role could even be waiting if you discover a hidden passion.

2. Ballroom Dancing

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Guest Author, Happiness, mental health Tagged With: acting class, ballroom dancing, cooking class, delicious recipes, education, junior college, learning, physical fitness, school, universities, waltz, workout, zumba

Letting Go of Old Baggage

August 15, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Despite its problems (and there are many), whenever I travel, I attempt to use our local airport.

It’s usually more expensive than driving to San Francisco and flying from there. However, I prefer to support our local economy, and upon totaling the added time and expenses of driving six hours, a higher price for long-term parking, as well as the possibility of a night in a hotel, it usually turns out to be equivalent. Yet, when the flight is $840 from here and $325 from SFO, do the math.

After returning to SFO from Houston (delayed of course), we took the bus to long-term parking. I strapped my suitcases together using the “clickable” belt attached to one, fastening my computer case on the handle of the case nearest me. We walked to the car, my short “suitcase train” in tow. At the vehicle, I unclicked the luggage, put my computer in the trunk and, by the time I turned around, one bag had vanished. Imagine going to the grocery store and putting a sack in your car, turning to get a second one — and there’s nothing there. It was that rapid.

Due to the speed of the incident, my initial thought was that I left a suitcase on the shuttle, or it fell off somewhere between the bus stop and the car. We returned to the bus but it was not there. We contacted security; nothing was reported. I felt like I had lost my mind and began wondering if I had imagined two suitcases. Should my traveling partner (and the bus driver) not confirm that they saw me with two cases; I would have doubted my sanity.

It gradually became apparent that someone walked by, snatched it and continued on his merry way.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, Inspiration, mental health, Newspaper Column, Relationships Tagged With: acceptance, air travel, airport parking lot, change, crime, lessons, letting go, luggage, possessions, stealing, suitcase, theft, travel, travelers

« Previous Page
Next Page »

Search the Site

Search Products

Blog Categories

Recent Posts

  • Bathroom Humor
  • Scared of my Shadow
  • You are not who you think you were
  • Who are you? Are you sure?
  • Exasperating – the verb

Book An Appointment With Scott

Get a free coaching call by following this link. No obligation.

Contact Us Today

Scott "Q" Marcus
707 834.4090
scottq@thistimeimeanit.com
======
Join Scott's mailing list at http://eepurl.com/LsSIX

Product Categories

  • Accessories
  • Books
  • Coaching Programs
  • DVDs and CDs
  • Instant Downloads
  • Kindle Books
  • Seminars
  • Shirts
  • Site Advertising
  • subscription
  • Uncategorized

Book An Appointment

Recent Posts

  • Bathroom Humor
  • Scared of my Shadow
  • You are not who you think you were
  • Who are you? Are you sure?
  • Exasperating – the verb

This Time I Mean It Copyright © 2026 · All rights reserved · Log in