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You are here: Home / Archives for dieters

Three Types of Dieters…

August 22, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus

There are three types of people in this world: those who are good at math, and those who are not.

Okay, it’s an old joke, but I always get a chuckle out of it.

There are three types of dieters.

We shall begin with the “Planners.”

Similar to accountants, engineers, and folks who have to make sure all the “T’s” are crossed, and all the “I’s” are dotted, I assume these folks are proficient with project management software, budgets, contracts, and run a tight, well-organized ship at home. They tackle weight loss with the same fervor and methodology they would build a bridge: detailed efficiency and a clear eye on the goal. They determine how many pounds must be shed by which date, divide by number of weeks, calculate average weight loss, establish the necessary “additional calorie burn” per day – and plot a path to the end point.

“Planners” will have detailed food journals (“three and half ounces of chicken, baked at 350 degrees; long-grain rice, one half cup; broccoli, steamed – with a 1/8 teaspoon of olive oil”). They will often proudly also share a graph of their progress coupled with spreadsheets projecting future trends with appropriate predicted goal dates. Planners schedule their lives to hit their objective, and by golly, they’ll do it.

Planners — and their willingness to rearrange day-to-day living to achieve what matters to them — impress me.

I however, would not receive that moniker.

I reside much more on the right side of the brain, falling within the “Modifiers” label.

Although some might call us “unorganized,” I take umbrage at that descriptor, as I am quite orderly. I simply find it difficult to stick with one task from beginning to end without breaks along the way. I get things done — and at the risk of being immodest — I am told I do them well. However, I’m not a “black and white” kind of guy. Don’t weigh me down with details and specifics. Tell me where you need to be and I’ll get us there; just let me figure out the roads we take, and I assure you, we’ll both be happier.

We are artists, philosophers, and motivators. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, Diet, humor, Motivation, Newspaper Column, Overcoming Obstacles, Overcoming Perfectionsim, planning, Productivity, Weight Loss Tagged With: change, complainers, diet advice, dieters, dieting, modifiers, olive oil, planners, willingness

Is this Proof that God loves Dieters?

March 28, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

If you believe in a Deity, signs of His or Her presence are abundant.

sunrise godClimbing over the horizon in the east as night gives birth to morning, the scenic tapestry of golds, reds, blues, and yellows can be nothing less than the orchestration of colors conducted by a Divine Being. When the non-embarrassed, joyfully infused, uninhibited laughter of a baby bursts forth and fills your ears and heart, have you any choice but to believe that is the voice of God? Surviving a catastrophic accident unscathed or recovering from the abyss of a life-threatening illness will bolster the faith of almost any non-believer.

Should those illustrations not be enough to persuade you of the loving omnipotence of an all-powerful benevolent Spirit, I present to you definitive proof:

According to a recent study, people who ate chocolate a few times per week (or more) weighed less than those who rarely indulged in the sweet.

Let’s make sure you read that correctly. Chocolate lovers weighed LESS than those who consumed the sweet brown Gift From Heavens less often. I understand that this column you are reading is first appearing in proximate to April Fool’s day, yet rest assured I am not punking you. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Current Events, Diet, Health, Newspaper Column, Weight Loss Tagged With: beatrice golomb, chocolate, chocolate lovers, comfort food, diet, dieters, humor, obesity, reuters, study

Audio: Does God Love Dieters?

March 28, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

This is the podcast from year 7, column 15.

It’s 5:49 in length and talks about a recent study about how people who eat chocolate more often tend to be less obese and more healthy than people who eat it less often. You can find the study here.

You can download it by clicking here.

You can read the column here.

Filed Under: Current Events, Diet, humor, Podcast, Weight Loss Tagged With: chocolate, diet, dieters, god, humor, Podcast, reuters, study

If I Was King of the World…

March 7, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I'd make it easy to diet and be healthyShould I be anointed Grand Poobah of all things earthly, I would make significant changes.

As a benevolent leader, I wouldn’t be “mean;” but be confident I’d wield my power to appropriately mete out consequences to society’s ne’er-do-wells.

My first task would be to create a “discomfort pistol.”

Whenever someone did something rude, totally self-absorbed, or incredibly inconsiderate, they would be tagged with an invisible beam by this gun. It wouldn’t cause any damage — but for the next 24 hours, they wouldn’t be able to get physically comfortable, no matter what they did. A good analogy would be a stiff neck or a Charlie Horse. It’s not enough to incapacitate you, certainly not enough of an issue to go to the doctor. Yet, all day, it nags at you and the ache doesn’t quit until you get a night’s sleep.

We would use it on people who talk on cell phones or text in theaters, or aim it at the jerk tail-gating us on the freeway. It would exceptionally appropriate for ignoramuses who park in handicapped parking spaces and don’t need to. Give them — on an extremely minor level — a bit of poetic justice.

Anyone shot with the beam would be all right the next day, but at least for 24 hours, there would be justice. Maybe, eventually, they’d learn.

Of course, since fitness is such an issue for all of us, I’d make getting fit more fun.

Stationary bicycles would actually transport you to your favorite places — only as long as you were exercising. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Diet, Exercise, Health, humor, Newspaper Column, Weight Loss Tagged With: benevolent leader, diet, dieters, favorite places, grand poobah, humor, perfect day, poetic justice, stationary bicycles, warm sands, yamuna river

Beware the After Halloween Candy Sales!

October 28, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Tread wearily fellow dieter; the dark forces have gathered.

Faster than a chocolate bat escaping the flames of Hades; quicker than a skeleton-costumed, sugar-crazed seven-year-old can consume a pile of gummi booty; we have arrived at the time of year when calories assail us from every direction.

One of the seemingly benign but more malevolent influences is the post-Halloween candy sale. Enter any store and be immediately accosted with an oversized display filled with foil covered peanut butter chocolate bats, black and orange jelly beans, and “fun size” candy bars. (Personally, I consider one-pound bars to be the “fun size” bars; miniatures are merely appetizers. But, who am I to quibble?) Attached to this colossal cache of calories is a sign proclaiming, “Half Off!”

Despite the activities of the previous evening, no amount of sugar crawling through my veins will cause me to pass up a 50% off sale; after all, I’m overweight, not stupid. Buy one, get one free, is a deal in which any rational person would partake. I therefore purchase four bags of high-fructose pleasure — saving five dollars — rationalizing it to the fact that I can freeze the treats for next year. I plan to use the five bucks for a low-calorie meal; truly, I have achieved a win-win scenario.

Despite noble intentions, too many marshmallow peanut bars have melted my willpower, and the treats do not survive until next October; actually they don’t even endure the trip home. As I debate whether or not to curtain the damage after 7,353 calories, the mantra of all disillusioned dieters haunts its way into my caramel-coated consciousness, “As long as I blew it, I might as well really blow it and start dieting tomorrow.” Whether ‘tis the dark side of candy corn talking or not, this idea makes sense at the moment and from then on, anything slow enough to get a fork into it becomes my prey. Before dawn, I have consumed more calories than there are zombies walking the streets on all Hallows’ eve.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Diet, Holidays, humor Tagged With: all hallows eve, candy bars, candy corn, caramel, dieters, halloween candy, Halloween dieting, halloween night, holidays, humor, jelly beans, marshmallow, willpower

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