We Are Stuck in Sympathy

October 29, 2011 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

People with disabilities (PWD) are more able than ever, yet unemployment rates for PWDs are still astronomically high. They have barely improved, in fact, since passage of the Americans with Disabilities Act in 1990!

What’s the problem here?

Well the problem is that we are big-hearted, well-meaning, compassionate beings. We’re wired for generosity. Compassion and sympathy are good things, of course. In their place. But when it comes to viewing people with disabilities, who they are, and what they truly, objectively have to offer, the compassionate lens is blinding, not enlightening.

Compassion for a person with a disability is a totally appropriate FIRST response.

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Overcoming Disappointment & Setbacks

October 24, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

There is no such thing as failure; merely feedback.

Slip-ups are inevitable.

The difference between someone who succeeds and someone who doesn’t is the way she reacts to it.

Successful people look at it as a setback. Yes, they might be frustrated. No, they aren’t happy about it. But, they realize that they can go at it again after making some changes.

People who do not achieve their goals “freak out” when things don’t go the way they want. They look at it as failure and the end of the road. The immediately follow up thought to that is, “As long as it didn’t work, why bother to keep trying?” They quit.

When things don’t go the way you want, it’s OK to be disappointed but look at what didn’t work; figure out how to change it; and go at it again.

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Overcoming Perfectionism

September 26, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus

Progress, not Perfection.

It’s actually a very simple formula to move forward when stuck.

Step one: Determine where you’re headed.
Step two: Take one step in that direction.
Step three: Adjust for barriers (emotional & physical)
Step four: Repeat as necessary.

The biggest problem we face is NOT that we cannot do it, but that we make the goal unrealistic.

Remember “Think 1st.”

Pick 1 thing (not several), make it Small enough that there’s no objection in your mind to doing it, make sure you do it Today.

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Stop that right now! (I’m Talking to YOU!)

August 31, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

What are you looking around for?

You know I’m talking to you. Yes, you — no, not the guy behind you. I’m speaking to YOU. Look at me; quit pretending you think I’m referring to someone else.

Now, just stop; it’s for your own good. We both know it.

Yes, I know you’re busy. You have so many responsibilities and commitments. But that’s not going to fly this time. We’re all busy. We’re all overloaded. It’s a matter of priorities, plain and simple. This time, make it work, OK?

Oh, more excuses? Well, welcome to Excuse Central pal; know ‘em all. Got ‘em all right here. “Just a little bit won’t hurt.” “I deserve it; it’s been a tough week.” How about this one: “When things settle down, I’ll do it.” I don’t mean to be rude or crude, but the only time things will totally settle down is when six friends are carrying you away in a box.

Of course, there’s always my favorite: “I can stop whenever I want.” Yeah, right. If you can stop anytime, why did you let it get so out of control?

Do you enjoy unending aches and pains? Isn’t it just oodles of amusement avoiding the dark side of the closet because you’re afraid those unused clothes “shrunk” since you last wore them? Are we having fun now?

And finally, the ultimate kick in the pants: that undisguised glance in someone’s eyes when she can’t cloak how surprised she is by how large you’ve become since she last saw you. Just makes you feel warm all over doesn’t it? Sure, sure, she covers it quickly; after all, she’s not trying to be rude. But for that moment — that one, brief, instantaneous, short-lived, horrifyingly candid, flash — your sole desire is to drop through a hole in the floor. Honestly, do you really want to deal with that again? How many times will you avoid friends to prevent that from happening?

What’s that? You DON’T like those feelings? Oh, good, we’re making progress. But you don’t have the energy to change?

I hear you! But, how much energy does it take for the 24-hour discomfort in your own skin? Or missing out on your kid’s lives because you’re too tired to play? How much of your precious life-force do you waste feeling bad about yourself every thinking moment of each and every day? Makes the effort more worthwhile, doesn’t it?

Ready to stop now? Good. I’m pleased for you.

Step one is stop talking to this mirror; get out there, and take a walk.

Reaching Out for Help

August 29, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

You do not need to know all the answers. Admit it when that is the case.

No one person can know everything she needs to know.

One of the reasons we build communities, develop friendships, and even marry; is because we are social beings. We need to be with others. That is not just a “comfort thing,” it is also a “support thing.”

There is no shame in learning. As a matter of fact, whom do you respect more; someone who doesn’t know what he’s doing and refuses to get help, or someone who recognizes she needs help – and asks for it?

If you don’t know how to do something, reach out to someone who does. Be respectful of her time. Thank her for it when you’re done.

And then make sure to pay it forward for the next person.

Note: Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

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