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You are here: Home / Archives for fear

Mea Culpa: I Was Unkind (or Was I)?

April 11, 2018 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

“Where do you want me? Under the macramé plant hanger? Really? Didn’t avocado green shag go out in the seventies? All right, all right, I get it! Now is the not the time to be snarky. Just tell me where to go.”

I’ve been called on the carpet.

Recently, I published political opinion on social media. Although posting often, I tend to swerve away from politics for what will shortly become apparent.

Summed up, I catalogued a list of adjectives I felt portrayed one of our politicians.

I’ll own up to the fact that it was less than complementary. However, in my defense, I chose only clearly defined descriptors, veering away from words which criticized physical traits, instead targeting behaviors – which can be transformed. So, as example, I didn’t use the expression “stupid”; a derogatory, extremely judgmental, non-defensible term for someone lacking intelligence. Rather, opting for “ignorant,” meaning uneducated; a state of being that can be remedied if so chosen. Selecting watchfully, I picked words based on measurable, modifiable behaviors. As a mentor of mine said, “Judge the verb, not the noun.”

Most of the responses — as expected — echoed my sentiment; after all, they’re my “friends.” A few folks disagreed. For the most part, they were respectful (kinda…) I countered, in the interest of opening dialog (well, truth be told, also to defend my position).

I expected dissent. What I didn’t foresee was a very simple observation from a long-term reader of this column who stated, “aren’t you the guy who believes in kindness first?”

Ouch. Don’t you hate having principles?

As much as I disliked having to admit it, he might be correct.

How could I defend my post while still remaining true to my belief? At first blush, the two appeared at loggerheads.

It’s easy to be a person of integrity when everyone shares your values; the test comes when challenged logically and respectfully. His post triggered no small amount of consternation, causing me to question, “Is it unkind to point out someone’s flaws?” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Conflict Management, Group Support, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Relationships, Self Talk Tagged With: anger, better relationships, change, fear, political discourse, politics, relationships, sadness

Spinning in my Head: Driving Myself Crazy

April 26, 2017 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

You and I, we’ve been together quite some time, right?

So, if I let you in on my inner workings, you won’t think less of me? I mean, I’m opening myself up to being vulnerable, okay? Thanks.

There’s an expression: “Mother Nature bats last.” Well, yep, she sure does – and she hits it out of the park. 

The original plan for this weekend was to drive south for a meeting with one of the companies with whom I work. Alas, the main highway between here and there is smothered with the third in a series of major rock and mud slides, cutting off traffic in both directions, with no estimated time of re-opening. It stands to reason that despite the valiant attempts of CalTrans to hold back the mountain, the road shall remain blocked, locking me in Humboldt unless I wish to add about eight hours of mountain driving each way. (For the record, I do not so wish.)

 

Welcome to life on the rustic, rocky, rural, redwood coast of northern California.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Habits, humor, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude Tagged With: attitude, fear, frustration, humor, overcoming setbacks, quality of life

Back in the Saddle; A Journey of Healing

June 29, 2016 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

It’s been nearly five years since I was almost killed.

Specifically, it was October 25, 2011 at 9:46 AM.

That Tuesday morning was brilliantly sunny.

There was a delicate bite to the crisp, clear morning air as I pedaled my bicycle north on E Street to a 10 AM yoga class. After waiting for a green light on the corner of Fifth, I slowly pedaled into the intersection, immediately noticing a silver Honda was turning left into me, leaving no escape. Since the driver faced directly into the sun, she didn’t see me and accelerated, causing me to fly from my bike onto her windshield, shattering it with the force of my impact. Although I was conscious, I don’t remember details well; they were images scrambled like a video of a riot. However I clearly recall being tossed about like a leaf in a tornado; frenziedly trying to grab on to anything to hold me in place. Seconds later I slammed head first in the roadway 15 feet from impact.

EMTs helping me while lying in the street

Strangers flooded the intersection from every direction, protecting me from traffic as I lay, in shock, on my back. Cell phones clicked to life; people were shouting, running to my aid; someone grabbed my helmeted head from behind and said he would stay with me until the ambulance arrived, insisting I not move.

I could wiggle my toes and fingers, alleviating a minor level of anxiety, especially since I could see my pants were shredded and blood was flowing freely from my left leg. All I could do was let go and wait.

Five hours later, the emergency room doctor said to me, “You’re either made of steel or someone is watching out for you because men your age don’t take a hit like that and walk out of here. Go home.”

I am fortunate beyond words. My bike? Not so much.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Hope, Inspiration, mental health, Newspaper Column, Personal Tagged With: bike accident, bike helmet, courage, fear, healing, healing process

Your Feelings are Real

November 3, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

dog-emotions

Whatever you are feeling, whenever you’re feeling it – is real.

Your emotions are as real as your limbs and they have vital functions.

Of the four “primary colors of emotions:”

  • Sadness cleanses
  • Fear and Anger are each designed to protect
  • Happiness builds community and enriches your life

It’s no one else’s right to change what you feel or to tell you you’re wrong. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Group Support, Happiness, Motivational Monday, Power of Attitude, Relationships Tagged With: anger, emotional responses, emotional states, fear, happiness, sad, sadness, thoughts and feelings

Are you Sure You’re Really Angry?

October 6, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

The anger you feel might not be real.

4-primary-colors-of-feelings

The four “primary colors” of emotions are:

  • Sad
  • Mad
  • Glad
  • Afraid

Virtually all other feelings come from some combination of those.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Happiness, Intentions, Motivational Monday, Relationships, Self Talk Tagged With: anger, emotional responses, emotional state, emotions, fear, happiness, inner dialogue, inner voices, overcoming fear, relationships, sadness

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