Featured Author, Author at This Time I Mean It

Pick your Battles and Go for it!

June 28, 2012 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

We all have challenges in our lives and we all face obstacles that jump in our way.

For me personally, I was born with congenital Coloboma which resulted in low vision and an abnormal appearance to my right eye. I persevered through countless barriers and feelings of inadequacy. I learned that the feeling of overcoming a challenge can give you a euphoric high. I’ve discovered that we should pick our battles and focus on winning. We don’t have to fight them all at once; one at a time will get you closer to winning the war. On this particular day, my battle was The Barbarian Challenge, a grueling physical test of body and mind against obstacles at every turn.

As I opened my eyes on the morning of the “battle” I felt a tinge of intimidation or second thoughts.

I am, after all a fifty-one year old grandmother who is not in top physical shape. I consider myself average for my age and I have only been training for this obstacle course for two months. This will be my first experience with any type of athletic competition. My goal was to finish with pride, not to beat any timeframe.

I ate a bagel and a banana about an hour before we started (I googled it beforehand to see what we should eat.) As my daughter and I watched some of the other participants come across the finish line from an earlier heat, they were covered in mud and looking pretty exhausted. I wondered if I could do this, I had succeeded in losing forty pounds during the past year and this was a pact my daughter and I had made to keep us on track for her upcoming wedding. As our ten o clock start time approached we were branded with our wristbands, time chips around our ankles and numbers written on our arms. It was an atmosphere filled with camaraderie and anticipation. We signed the waiver forms releasing the sponsors of any liability if we got hurt.

Two hundred runners were corralled into a gated area as the minutes counted down to race time. As we mingled and talked to others in our horde I met a few other first timers, I was beginning to get some of my confidence back. We took the barbarian oath and listened to some final instructions before heading out into the 4.3 mile course through the hills of Gadsden, Alabama.

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Keeping Cool While Moving

June 15, 2012 by Featured Author

Many things cause us to lose our cool in stressful situations.

Sometimes frustration and aggravation can be controlled. Other times, control doesn’t come easily. I recently moved houses across the country and didn’t handle it as well as I could have. Nothing went the way I planned. Instead of dealing with things calmly, I found myself taking my anger out on others and saying things I later regretted.

Before the move even started, my husband and I found it hard to agree on anything regarding how it should be handled. He was convinced that if we didn’t enlist the help of family, friends or a moving company, we’d get in way over our heads and wouldn’t be able to handle moving across the country on our own. I was sure we didn’t need any help and were perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves.

About a week before we were supposed to move, I started panicking. Nothing was working out the way I wanted, clothes and personal items I needed had gotten lost in the shuffle and we were in no way prepared to pack everything into our two cars and my parents’ too-small trailer. My husband avoided me at any cost, knowing any wrong word could send me into a tantrum.

Finally, he had enough and decided to call on some family and friends to help us out before I completely lost it. They helped pack the remainder of our old home and even helped us squeeze all our belongings into the two cars and trailer. Looking back, there were a lot of things I wish I had done differently during the whole moving process. I pass these thoughts on to you, in hopes they can save you from alienating close friends and family.

What I should’ve done during the move

Plan ahead. Making a monthly or weekly packing schedule would’ve saved us a lot of time and arguments. Taking the time to decide what belongings could be packed sooner and what we’d need until the day of the move could have helped us be more organized and stress-free.

Take a deep breath. Instead of instantly reacting to stressful situations, I should’ve taken time to cool down. Thinking about what you say before you say it can help to avoid unnecessary arguments and hurt feelings.

Get help. My friends and family were shocked when I didn’t ask them for help during the move. They were eager to relieve the stress we had put on ourselves. If I could do it again, I’d also hire a moving company to help us with the heavy lifting. Moving our furniture and appliances took a lot more effort and manpower than we anticipated.

Take breaks. Sometimes it’s best to walk away from a stressful situation. Moving involves lots of walking, packing and organizing everything you own. This can wear down your nerves, so be sure to make the time for stress-free activities.
Let it go. Things don’t always go according to plan and I have a difficult time accepting when things don’t go my way. If I had just put things into perspective, it would’ve been much easier to roll with the punches.

I hope these tips are useful for those who are going through or are thinking about moving. You can avoid a lot of hard feelings if you take the time to think about what you’re about to do or say. Once we got settled in our new home, it was easy to look back on this situation and laugh at how easily we could’ve avoided all that stress. If we ever decide to move again, which won’t be for a long time, at least we’ll be prepared for the obstacles we’re bound to face.

Point of View: Overcoming Congential Coloboma

June 14, 2012 by Featured Author

The doctors informed my parents at birth that there was a problem.

My right eye physically looked differently than the other eye. A few days later I was diagnosed with congenital coloboma, slight glaucoma and high pressure. My right eye was bigger and some said it looked swollen all the time. The pupil was clouded and they determined that I had very little sight in that eye and we had to monitor the pressure constantly. Growing up was difficult to say the least. I have a wonderful family that supported me in every way which gave me strength, but no one could know the humility and embarrassment I went through on a day-to-day basis.

At the young age of seven or eight, I hated to look people in the eye, I knew if I made eye contact with them their first words to me would be” What happened to your eye?” It was as if I were wearing a scarlet letter on my face. You can’t hide a bad eye like a scar on your arm or leg, most people can cover a scar. There was no covering this up. Your eyes are the first thing you see in people. So, I had to deal with it, there was no choice. I became very shy and just wanted to be “normal” so badly.

I endured countless visits to the ophthalmologist and even they had seen nothing like it. They controlled the pressure with eye drops and monitored my sight for years. My pressure flew up at nine years old which resulted in surgery. I was so afraid that I would come out of surgery totally blind. I will never forget the fear that gripped me when they took off the patches and I could still see. At nine years old that is a hard thing to deal with and I never told anyone.

As a teenager, there were no dates, so many demeaning comments and very few real friends. At some point, I had to really deal with my fate in life. I was near-sighted and glasses never helped me. I endured so many humiliating experiences, I had trouble seeing the chalkboard in school and I felt so singled out when I had to sit up close to read it. I knew that I was talked about behind my back and I felt as though I could never measure up like the “normal” kids.

My doctors had told my parents that there was a possibility that I may be blind one day. I remember my mother telling me this when I was a child, that hit me very hard and I remember thinking to myself “I really need to see and appreciate everything, burn the memories in my mind for future reference.” If I were to become blind, I at least wanted my memories. So without even realizing it, I started to see this world as if it were the last time I would ever see it. I studied sunsets, children, flowers, bugs, clouds, colors, animals and I enjoyed it all to the fullest. Everything was so special to me, I didn’t want to forget anything. I knew that I wanted to write my story at a very young age and share with others what so many of us are looking for……learning to live in the moment.

There came a point when I made a decision, I was not going to go through life wishing myself away, hiding from everyone.

So I started to live…..I did everything most other teenagers did, I became a cheerleader in high school (not because of popularity but by sheer determination, I got my driver’s license (again sheer determination) and lived as if there were no tomorrow. Everything I did, I worked hard for, and as soon as I would forget about my eye problems and feel as though I was beginning to fit in, something would happen or someone would say something that would hit me hard, sending me into a reality head spin. I tolerated reminders on a daily basis that I was ”different” from anyone else.“ I was stared at in every store and in every situation. There were times when I asked God “Why me? Why do I have to go through this?”

On top of having this defining stigma, I’ve had a life full of ups and downs that most everyone can identify with. I got married young, had two beautiful daughters and I have experienced divorce after 21 years of marriage. I’ve made many mistakes and had some wonderful times including owning a business for seventeen years. I’ve seen heartbreak and I’ve shed tears of joy.

My divorce was the turning point that forced me to look within myself and find answers as to why my life played out the way it had. I knew that I had been born with circumstances that were way out of my control. It has taken me many years to learn that no matter what our circumstances are, we are not alone. I had to go back and see that there were choices I had made that caused me much anguish and grief. I learned that we must all (no matter what the circumstances) not be a victim, but to learn to overcome and take the steps towards our own happiness. It took time and patience but I found a new love for myself and new meaning for my future. I was finally comfortable in my own skin.

I have been employed with a program that teaches vocational skills to adults with intellectual disabilities for the past ten years. I advocate and write their yearly plans implementing supports to assist them to live as independently as possible. I have worked closely with people who are socially unaccepted and I fight for their freedom to be who they are, to be happy.

It is so ironic that within a year of my “acceptance” of myself and who I was, I met a wonderful surgeon that took an interest in my situation. She convinced me to let her help. She is an ophthalmologist/surgeon that specializes in plastic surgery. A woman who understood what I had been through knew what it would mean to me to have the physical look of my eye corrected. Some say it was circumstantial but I say it was fate. One year, three surgeries and a beautiful artificial eye later, I was totally transformed! I will never forget the ride home after getting my new prosthetic eye; I couldn’t stop looking in the mirror. I was perfectly normal looking!

That was a little over a year ago and I am now fifty-one years old

I’ve lost forty pounds due to being so motivated by my new ” look,” This past year has been my year of transformation. I feel as though I have broken free and I’m living as if there is no tomorrow. I wake up ready to begin each new day because I know that no challenge will even compare to the joy and gratitude I have about my circumstances. I still have issues with my “good” eye that I deal with and there is still that lingering thought that as I grow older my sight could become worse. But I have been given a gift of new beginnings. No more stares from small children or questions from adults. I almost feel as though I am part of a human experiment, wondering if I can adjust to being what we call”normal?”

I have completed my memoirs that I’ve wanted to write for so long, I actually started writing my book before I knew that I would be having the surgeries. What a splendid ending to my story! I want to help others that are going through troubled times that there is a better tomorrow. Our struggles build our character and what I thought was an inadequacy has turned out to be my calling in life.

Everyone has a story; I am no different than anyone else. I have learned many lessons in this life that I can share with others to encourage support and assist them into transforming their own lives. You can have your own happy ending also and it all begins with YOU.

About the Author: Sherry Cook currently works for Mobile Arc, a non profit organization that supports individuals with developmental disabilities. She is wrapping up her memoirs and hopes to be in publishing soon. Her desire to tell her story has been nudging its way to the surface for many years. Having undergone personal challenges, living with monocular and low vision, while struggling to “fit in” with society’s version of what is normal. She understands all to well the difficulties life has to offer. Accepting yourself and learning how to overcome is her main platform for her energetic and touching motivational presentations. Her hobbies include painting with acrylics and working on home projects. Sherry can be reached at slc1960@att.net or sherrylcook.wordpress.com

Learning To Thrive

May 20, 2012 by Featured Author

Since starting my memoir this past January, the number one thing that I have realized is that no one knows exactly how I felt growing up and living with Cerebral Palsy – except me.

As a writer, that can often be a hard way to start off since I don’t have other sources to gather much information from. I just have my own memories and feelings of how my CP has impacted my life.

Even though I may have friends and family who want to understand, no one can say they know exactly what I faced.

Growing up, not having anyone who understood was hard. I attended a private school in my hometown from 1st grade until 10th grade, and even though the kids that I went to school with were some of the same kids that could be found on my street on the weekends playing in front yards and riding their bikes up and down the sidewalk, they didn’t really know me. They wondered about me, that I could tell. The way they stared but never said anything told me how they felt. Growing up, I hated the staring, and I still do. However, when I was at school and didn’t have much of anything to “hide behind,” there was no way to escape the staring. The kids I went to private school with hardly ever asked what was wrong with me. Either their parents had told them, or they just weren’t sure. As I was growing up, I quickly learned that I was the one that was going to have to initiate friendships. People weren’t going to walk up to me begging to hang out with me or sit with me at lunch, and that was something I had to deal with early on.

Therefore, I initiated things. I had to let other kids know that I was comfortable with myself so that they could be comfortable with me. When the other kids asked what was wrong with me, I’d say, “I have Cerebral Palsy. I was born with it.” That seemed to satisfy most of the kids. Though I knew they still didn’t fully understand, they were curious. All kids are curious. Therefore, I just had to find a way to answer their question without having to go into so much detail (since I didn’t fully understand things when I was that young either). Heck, I didn’t understand why I was different from all the other kids my age, so how could I explain that to the kids I went to school with. I couldn’t. It’s that simple.

These days, I’ve been hesitant to explain to friends about my CP just because I’ve realized that for most of them, it doesn’t matter. They are my friends, and they could care less about what’s wrong with me because to them it’s not a big deal. To them, it doesn’t define me. Even though it took me a long time to be able to vocally say that my Cerebral Palsy doesn’t define who I am, I have reached a point where I can talk about my CP with my friends (which I think is because I have started writing my memoir and am no longer afraid to be my true self). No, my CP doesn’t define me. However, it still affects me on a day-to-day basis. That’s not something that can be denied. Therefore, when I’ve told my friends about my CP, it hasn’t been hard for me. It’s been easier to talk about, and after I’ve opened up about it, I’ve gotten so much support from my friends about my strength and courage. And in my mind, getting that kind of response is worth facing the fear of talking about the disability that, though it may not define me, has impacted me on a physical and emotional level that most people can’t even fathom.

For me, every single day is a struggle, which is not something that most people know. Most people don’t realize that I still feel a large amount of physical pain, especially in my back, which often causes me to stop, place my hand on my lower back, and breathe through the pain. Even on the days when the pain gets bad though, I choose to be a fighter. I choose to be a fighter because honestly, what other choice do I have?

Giving up has never been an option for me, and so rather than simply allowing myself to wallow in self-pity, I’ve learned to thrive.

About the author: Amelia Coonrod is a college student from North Carolina majoring in Psychology and is now writing the memoir of her life living with Cerebral Palsy, which has acted as a jumping off point for her to have the opportunity to share her personal story with the world, with the goal of being an inspiration to kids and families of kids with disabilities. She spends her days surrounded by the beauty of the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina.

Even though there are many people she would like to thank, she primarily wants to thank her parents for their constant love and support, as well as Grace, the inspiration that helped Amelia realize that she wanted to begin opening up about her struggles regarding Cerebral Palsy.

She can be reached at acoonrod (at) unca.edu or you can can visit her website at lifeintheblueridges.wordpress.com

How to Get Along Better With Co-Workers & Break Your Annoying Habits

April 10, 2012 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

I’d always prided myself on being an excellent employee with a hard work ethic and focus on pleasing the client.

But, until recently, I never realized I was an annoying coworker to others in the office. I came to work on time, often arriving early, did my work and greatly increased the company’s profits. But unbeknownst to me, some of my work habits were driving the other workers in the office nuts, even though that was never my intention.

At the very least, you and your coworkers will spend 40 hours per week together. If travel and overtime occurs, those hours are extended even further. Bad habits such as cellphone use, being too talkative, leaving work early and surfing the Internet can annoy your office mates the way they were annoying mine. The tips below can help you avoid becoming an annoying worker like I was.

Identify Bad Habits. It’s simply not possible to change a habit if you don’t realize a negative one exists. Fortunately, a kind coworker took me aside one day and informed me that my talkative nature was getting on everyone’s nerves. I thought I was being friendly, but she let me know that I had a tendency to be too talkative and it was distracting people from their work. Once I knew my chatty ways were bothering other people in the office I was able to fix the problem.
Replace the Negative With the Positive. I often spent so much time talking during the workday that I had to skip lunch and eat while working at my desk. After my coworker talked to me a light bulb went on and I realized that, if I was more productive and less talkative during the day, I could join my coworkers in the cafeteria for lunch. When you can find a positive substitute for a negative habit, it’s easy to make a change.
Productive Association. Whether we realize it or not, we create associations in our minds between events and people. Some of my coworkers had associated me with feelings of annoyance. I had associated some of mine with rudeness. When I started saving my talkativeness for lunchtime my coworkers and I got along much better and started spending more time working together on projects. Soon gathering around one another’s desks created an association of productivity…something we all appreciated.
Use Willpower for Greater Success. There are still times when a thought pops into my head and I feel the urge to share it with my coworkers right away. But, instead, I write it down and save it for later or record a message on my PDF. Practicing willpower has helped me focus my time and attention on my work and, as a result, our entire office has increased sales and company profits.

Nowadays, many businesses are streamlining their hiring process and weeding out potentially ineffective employees through employee assessments. Companies such as Exact Hire help businesses narrow down their candidates by identifying positive and negative behaviors and characteristics. Those who are searching for a job are smart to nix those bad habits before the first interview to ensure they stand a chance of getting through an employee assessment with success. Although it’s possible to break bad habits like I did, it’s better to take a proactive approach by not being an annoying coworker in the first place. Thankfully, I was able to change my habits and repair the relationships I had with my coworkers. But it wasn’t easy and I had to work twice as hard to gain their trust and respect.

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