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You are here: Home / Archives for sadness

Skipping Across the Rainbow Bridge

April 15, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus

“Jack” was the name chosen by someone long before us.

jack-&-I

However, when we rescued him from the shelter, we figured, “Why not? We might as well keep the name.” His moniker morphed strangely to “Jackpot,” slid into “Pot-Pot,” and eventually just — embarrassingly enough — “Pot.” I usually called him “Big Puppy.”

Being older, Jack had “issues.”

Boy howdy, did he have issues! We didn’t seek out a dog that needed 24-hour attention, but we got one. Within a week of his “gotcha” day, we discovered he had hypersensitive skin, causing him to chew and scratch at his sides so much, he would bleed. To prevent self-mutilation, we stumbled upon the idea of adorning him in toddler-sized T-shirts. Since Mini-human clothing is not designed for Mini Schnauzers, we had to put the shirts on backwards – with the design facing up instead of down. Securing them so he didn’t trip, while still providing freedom to “do his business,” he was the most “stylin’” dog in town. Eventually, he acquired a complete wardrobe of emblazoned with super hero motifs, holiday fashions, and our favorite, inscribed, “Mommy’s Little Monster” in stark white letters. Beyond soothing his skin, we’re sure he liked them because after every walk (when we had to remove his shirt to attach his leash), he’d wait for us to re-dress him.

A never-ending source of noises was our Big Puppy.

He didn’t bark much (unless he saw another dog) but he grunted, groaned, licked, chewed, yawned, and exhaled loudly without end. He also broke wind – constantly, always a source of confusion to him, causing him to spin mid-step, seeking the source of the rear-end disruption.

What most people remember was that he “skipped.”

Because his hind legs were too close together and he had scoliosis (did I say he had “issues?”) his rear feet bumped each other when he walked, causing him to hop, giving the appearance he was skipping down the street. It didn’t slow him down, but did provide the funniest impression of a Fred-Astaire-Singing-in-the-Rain upbeat gait as he strolled down the avenue. Ironically, it was spot-on; he actually was happiest in those moments.

Sunday was our last walk.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: family, Newspaper Column, Personal, Relationships, Tribute Tagged With: adopting a dog, death of a pet, grief, mini schnauzer, rainbow bridge, sadness, why

3 Issues You’ll Deal With When a Non-Immediate Family Member Dies

October 4, 2013 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

DepressionYou weren’t close with Uncle Fred, seeing him only on the holidays or the occasional dinner at your parent’s house. Even though you knew about his heart condition, his death still came as a shock to you. Your natural response to grieve is understandably accompanied by the urge to do something constructive. Since Uncle Fred was a non-immediate family member, you won’t be expected to make any of the arrangements. Still, reaching out to offer help and support would be cathartic.

You would think that, after centuries of dealing with death, there would be a cut-and-dry way to go about it. Unfortunately, there isn’t. Everyone is different and grieves in different ways, and for some reason — even when it’s expected — it takes you off guard. Though you feel helpless and are trying to deal with your own grief, there are things you can do to ease the suffering around you. And that alone can have a therapeutic effect.

Explaining It to the Kids

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, family, Group Support, Guest Author, Relationships Tagged With: death, family, grief, loss, sadness

Reach Out; Take a Hand

July 3, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Because this column has been running almost ten years, I’m taking a leap of faith and assuming not everyone started reading it day one. Therefore, especially with a title of, “Striving for Imprefection,” (sic) one might not easily comprehend why I write so often about weight and diet.

Born overweight and battling obesity through my early and teen years, I for the first time in my life, reached my correct weight when I lost about 100 pounds at age 17. However, I put it back on when I was in my twenties (sigh…), having to shed about 80 pounds, and thereby becoming a leader/facilitator for a major international weight loss company. In those days, I was a rarity; being male and “young.” Moreover, my primary meeting had a weekly attendance of over 100 people. To further cement my bona fides, I was chosen as one of twenty people in the entire U.S. and Canada to be a role model for the company when they celebrated their 20th anniversary in New York City in 1983. We were escorted to Broadway plays, received a complete “make over” (which made me look ridiculous), and I got to meet the founder of the company. (Oh yes, we were indeed treated to copious amounts of food at five-star restaurants.)

fat meDespite my “rock star” star status in weight loss circles, I stopped attending meetings due to a dispute I had with a supervisor.

To “teach her a lesson,” I regained about 70 pounds. Old feelings of humiliation and self-loathing re-manifested themselves, and yet I did everything I could to avoid returning. My back pained me 24/7. My marriage was a mess; my attitude was worse. People who know me today consider me “positive.” They would not have used that adjective then. I was forever unhappy.

Yet, I still refused to seek help, thinking the shame of returning was even worse than the nagging unhappiness and hurt that refused to leave.

On my 39th birthday, after everyone had gone to bed, I got down on my knees, bent over the garbage can, and ate the leftover birthday cake I had placed in the tin earlier that evening. Am I proud of this? Of course not. However, it is part of me and I’ve learned to release the shame I hold about poor choices. More importantly, it was the turning point that made me decide to seek help once again.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Diet, Group Support, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Relationships, Self Talk Tagged With: addiction, addiction recovery, asking for help, diet, getting help, role model, sadness, unhappiness, weight loss

The Most Important Question

April 10, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

road-sign-with-question-mark

You followed a passage faithfully through a lush forest, now standing at a fork in that path; one bearing leads slightly northwest, the other, tending to the southwest. Standing at this juncture, you place your hand over your eyes to block the glare of the setting sun, and strain while scanning the horizon. Ahead lays a long, grassy, seemingly endless prairie with hills on either horizon, obstructing your view from where each trails leads.

Yet, you have stood in this place before.

You know with certainty that in one direction lays a picturesque, emerald city, chock-full of light, music, and gladness. In that township is great joy and contentment. Should you opt however for road number two, what waits at its terminus is far less glorious, resembling the ruins of the firestorms of Dresden. There lies darkness and foreboding, sadness and frustration.

Although either direction assures you a safe arrival at your destination, the route to happiness is rocky, long, and hilly; it will require effort. Its alternative beckons with a flat, easy-to-navigate, and well-worn, shorter course.

Which path do you choose?

We’d all like to say that we’d choose the first. After all, look what waits at the end of either. It’s a no-brainer.

Yet, when we analyze our histories, the reality is that too often, we opt for the alternative; the smoother, shorter, easier pathway guaranteed to lead in the end to a sense of defeat and unhappiness.

Let’s examine some real-life situations, shall we?

Stick with your diet for one more hour and go to bed happy and proud, or give in and eat the bag of chips now, berating yourself all day tomorrow for tonight’s poor decision. Which do you choose?

Hold your tongue until you can figure out a more productive way to bring up your frustration to your wife, or let loose with a blast of heated epithets driving a hurtful spike in your most important relationship. Which do you do?

Put $200 away into your retirement fund, knowing it will be out of reach for the next decade, or buy a new TV even though you don’t need one. “A” or “B” please?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, Habits, Health, Intentions, Newspaper Column Tagged With: bad habits, emotions, feelings, great joy, happiness, sadness, thoughts and feelings, unhappiness

Affirmation: The Cleansing Ability of Sadness

June 9, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Sadness can be cleansing.

We do so much to avoid being sad.

Aside from the fact that it’s impossible to never experience sadness, we need to realize that it won’t kill us. Sadness is nature’s way of removing the pain from our soul. Only after letting it run its course, can we once again experience true joy.

Do not seek out reasons to be sad; but do not avoid it either.

I will feel sadness should it arise. I will let it wash over me.

I will continue with my pursuits – despite feeling sad.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Affirmation, Happiness, mental health, Overcoming Obstacles Tagged With: affirmation, emotions, feelings, sad note, sadness, true joy

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