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You are here: Home / Archives for scams

Annoying the Scam Artists

July 30, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

You wouldn’t know it by the number of fake phone calls I get, but I am on the “Do Not Call” list.

In the course of a day, I average a dozen bogus solicitations from ne’er-do-wells of every stripe; credit card flim-flam men to fake IRS agents. Because of caller ID, I usually avoid the interactions. Usually, but not always…

A heavily accented voice came through the speaker,

“Hello, this is tech support. We’re calling about problems we have noticed on your computer.”

tech support at computer

I knew where this was headed but was suffering from writer’s block and needed a distraction.

Plus, I figured if they were going to waste my time, turnabout is fair play.

He continued, “Is this the owner of the computer we have on file?”

“I don’t know,” replied I, “Where would I find your records so I can tell you if I am that person?”

“You don’t have them. We do.”

“Oh, so how would I know if I’m the owner of the computer you have on file?”

Sighing, “Um, never mind. We are calling from vendor.”

I got that he was saying “vendor” but his accent was so think, it came across as “vindoer,” plus he omitted the word “the,” giving me my opening.

“Is Vindoer in Europe?” [Read more…]

Filed Under: humor, Misc, Newspaper Column Tagged With: humor, internet, scams, time

Captain Obvious Goes on a Diet

May 6, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I wonder if my dog Willie gets bored walking the same route every day.

dog-formerly-known-as-willie

My inclination is that he doesn’t, but what do I know? Maybe he gets as tired of peeing on the same bushes as I do as walking the same sidewalks. Anyway, bottom line is I take him out on a long walk every morning and, to be honest, can sometimes find it dulling. The solution? I plug in my always-falling-out-of-my-ear-buds and listen to radio.

That backstory in itself is a long walk to explain how I came about hearing an ad for yet another “miracle weight loss product.”

I’ve been writing this column for more than a decade and if you’ve followed it more than, oh, about three weeks, you know that “miracle weight loss products” are one of my prime bugaboos, causing me to become very curmudgeonly and my head to explode. This was no exception; especially because the first words in the advert — even before I knew what was being promoted — were,

“A healthy diet and exercise plan should be part of any weight reduction routine.”

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Diet, Newspaper Column, Rant, Weight Loss Tagged With: ad campaign, annoying advertisements, diet scams, healthy weight loss, scams

The Miracle TV Diet

July 9, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

man-selling-miracle-diet-on-tv

I attempt to source all facts I reference.

First, it’s the ethical thing to do. Secondly, most of these fascinating freaky factoids are found via the World Wide Web and much data floating in cyberspace is, well quite frankly, ka-ka. So, in attempting to validate a statistic I heard, I discovered a few fascinating facts about these bodies in which we live.

Since I’m turning 60 soon, I found it fascinating that according to HowStuffWorks.com, by that age, 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women snore; with the average snort volume hovering around 60 decibels, about the same loudness as standard speech. Not to be outdone, some punch out more than 80 decibels while slumbering, about as loud as a pneumatic drill breaking concrete. Related fact: According to the Hearing Loss Association of America, one-third of all Americans has hearing loss by age 65, which now makes complete sense since we’re sleeping next to pneumatic drills eight hours a night.

According to a report from Brazil, human hair grows a little less than 2/100 of an inch per day.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, humor, Newspaper Column, Weight Loss Tagged With: aging, humor, reports, scams, statistics, studies, television, weight loss

Breaking Down the Wall: Resolutions that Work

December 21, 2010 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

There was a cosmic event this week. For the first time in about 400 years, there was a full lunar eclipse on the Winter Solstice. If you were crazy enough (like me), you went outside around midnight and stared up at the moon, which was glowing with a faint reddish tint. (What was really a cosmic event was that it was clear enough on the Northcoast to actually see the moon!)

At precisely 12:01AM January 2, there will be another cosmic event; although this one happens annually. Should you step outside and listen, you will hear a giant clunking sound rumbling across this wide land as the consciousness of the population shifts from “how much can I indulge” to “how can I undo what I’ve done to myself for the last two months?”

With that in the forefront, you are about to be inundated with experts telling you how to stick to your resolutions. The television will become awash in advertisements for gym equipment. Late night infomercials will blare (falsely): “LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT MAKING ANY CHANGES.” The back page of this newspaper might even be hosting a full-page banner advertisement with “SECRETS THE WEIGHT LOSS INDUSTRY DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW.” At the risk of biting the hand that feeds me (albeit low fat and high fiber), do not buy into gimmicks.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Change, Newspaper Column, resolutions, Traditions Tagged With: attitude, change, consciousness, cosmic event, diet, lunar eclipse, new year's resolutions, northcoast, resolutions, resolutions that stick, scams, solstice, winter solstice

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