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You are here: Home / Archives for promises

By any Other Name…Our Choice of Words Affects Our Success

May 25, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Words matter.

What we say to ourselves in our quiet spaces gives birth to actions. Life is the consequences of those events. If we wish to alter the course of our existence, to change its path, or to enjoy more the process, we must begin with the thoughts that steer it.

For example, let us take the overused, beaten down, threadbare expression: “I’m going on a diet.” At the point when the peoples of all nations unite in solidarity and appoint me Head Honcho in charge of Global Linguistics, I shall ban the expression; I find its limited options lead to broken promises, loss of joy, low self esteem, and eventual failure.

In the stark and barren world where one “goes on a diet,” it automatically implies one must — at some time — go off a diet. All is black and white; there is no gray; only “on” or “off,” “good” or “bad,” “following the diet” or “cheating.” The gradations of in-between, which fill most of life, do not exist as, in that thought process, one cannot be “a little off” anymore than one can be “a little pregnant.”

This perfect/awful thinking supposedly drives us to be perfect, which is an impossibility, so we inevitably label ourselves as “failures.” Those of us who are recovering perfectionists know well the mantra of the dieter who has crossed to the dark side: “As long as I blew it, I might as well really blow it! I can start again tomorrow.” (or “Monday,” or “next year”…) Once I have failed, I might as well get all of the “failing” out of my system, cleaning myself so I will be ready for to be perfect next time (ignoring the fact that it too will end up the same way). [Read more…]

Filed Under: Diet, goals, Inspiration, mental health, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Self Talk Tagged With: consequences, diet, dieter, going on a diet, happiness, low self esteem, perfectionism, perfectionists, promises, quality of life

“We Need to Tone it Down on Both Sides”

January 11, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus

There was a tragedy in Tucson last week which involved the shooting deaths of six innocent people and the wounding of more than a dozen, including the congress woman, Gabrielle Giffords, who represents that area. I’m sure you’re aware of it; you’d have to live in a hole to not to be.

At this writing, this horrific event does not seem motivated as much by politics (e.g. the Oklahoma Bombing) as it is by the fact that the shooter was mentally unstable, such as those at Columbine. (I’m sure this is small comfort to the families of the victims.) The fact that I can list examples (and I could provide more) of various shootings “by name” – and that you can understand the references – is a sad, discerning comment about the level of violence in which we find ourselves. As for the cause of the event, finger-pointing began per schedule. Blame will be assessed, and as with a New Year’s resolution, promises  will be made. For a brief moment, our awareness will be heightened and actions might be be taken. Unfortunately, also like those resolutions, these commitments will be abandoned in short order.

Positive Result?

One positive outcome arising from this tragedy (if “positive” can be the label applied to anything that comes of it) is the heightened scrutiny on the tone of the political discourse during this fractious era. Only time will tell if it was a partial cause in the shooter’s break with humanity; but it cannot be a bad thing to examine. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, Communicating, Conflict Management, Group Support, mental health, News, Newspaper Column, Self Talk Tagged With: bygone days, columbine, far left, far right, gabrielle giffords, horrific event, mass shooting, media, new year, oklahoma bombing, political discourse, politicians, promises, pundits, resolutions, tragedy, vehement disagreement, violence

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