A List: Top 5 Ways to Fail at Everything

February 4, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I am fascinated by lists.

In college, my “go to” book was “The Book of Lists,” which was, um, well — basically a list of lists.

In today’s digital age, most are on-line. One site I found had the most popular “bucket list” ideas. Some of the trendiest objectives included visiting virtually every locale, jumping into a pool fully clothed, and — I kid you not — covering someone’s car in post-it notes. You scamp, you!

Techcrunch posts the most common Google searches. It contained “Ice Bucket Challenge”, “Ebola,” and “Flappy Bird” (a game). Sadly, the loss of “Robin Williams” generated the most searches.

Finally, Listverse, whose raison d’être is to make lists, presented its most popular of all time. Claiming spots in that prestigious ranking are “Top 15 Amazing Coincidences,” “Top 10 Amazing Facts About Dreams,” and the most popular list ever: “10 Fascinating Last Pictures Taken.”

Different times of year spawn season-appropriate lists. January might bring forth “Ten Tips to Getting Organized in the New Year.” In April, we’re informed of “Most Common Forgotten Tax Deductions.” June could give rise to “Top Wedding Ideas of Successful Brides.” (Of course, I don’t know what an “unsuccessful bride” would be.)

I want my own world-famous list. So, I thought of something no one else has done, which I now unveil: (insert fanfare please)

“Five Things You Can Do to Make Sure You Never Achieve Anything.”

In reverse order (because that makes it more exciting I guess):

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Top Diets for the Year

December 19, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus

It’s the most wonderful time of the year; ‘tis is the time for end-of-year lists.

Soon we shall (whether we want to or not) know the Top Songs/Movies/Books/News Stories of the Year. TV hosts will interview the “Most Influential Celebrities.” In the past, publications have gone so far as to post a compilation of lists ranging from “Top Happiest Endings of the Decade” to “Worst Predictions” (which includes “A particle accelerator will end the world”). Therefore, in honor of the list spirit, I shall now bound confidently on to the bandwagon and provide — in no particular order — a compilation of some the most bizarre diets upon which I have the misfortune to stumble. (Yes, they are all real.)

Let us commence with the COOKIE DIET.

One eats one meal per day that must consist of six ounces of protein, as well as at least six of a unique type of cookie each day, for a grand total of 800 calories; about one-third the required intake to maintain a healthful body. Lose your weight and get rid of that pesky hale and hearty glow – all at once! But, mmm-mmm-mmm, sure tastes great! This proves that eating cookies to lose weight makes about as much sense as getting stabbed in the eye to forget about your earache.

After a long week, I plead guilty that a part of me welcomes the SLEEPING BEAUTY DIET.

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Overcoming The Overloaded To-Do List: A Conversation

January 11, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus

“Yay! I am finally moving forward on my goals for the year!”

“Good for you! So, what are these great plans you have?”

“Well, I always make resolutions and then I give up. So, I did some research and I found out that experts say if you’re really serious, you have to write them down. So I got organized. I got all these ‘to-do’ lists, each broken down by priority, category, and deadline. And because we’re more likely to change when we focus on the rewards instead of the work, I’ve listed them in this column, ranking them from one to ten. See?”

“Wow! Those are sure a lot of ‘to-do’ lists. You’re going to get a lot done, huh?”

“Sure am! Let’s look at my ‘health’ list. I want to lose 30 pounds, so I devised a strategy. It’s right here. Step one, clean the kitchen of temptation; you know, get rid of the junk food. Then, go to the store and stock up on range-free, organic, all-natural, non-processed, low fat, low-sodium, high-fiber foods. I’m also buying some of those inert non-reactive, toxin-free pots and pans that let you cook healthier. To keep track of my food, I write down everything I eat in this journal over here, including recording the calorie count, as well as fat, fiber, and protein grams. But, I’m not done! Every Sunday, the family meets to plan out the entire week’s meals in advance, which we goes on this list. That way we have a proper healthy dinner every night. What do you think so far?”

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