Today’s memo is in reply to a subscriber’s question.
She asked, “If I could do only one thing to change my bad habit, what would you suggest?”
My answer was immediate: [Read more…]
The Road from “Never” to “Now”
Changing a bad habit can be messy, frustrating, and unpleasant.
After all, if it was easy, we’d all be dropping bad habits willy-nilly, wouldn’t we?
It becomes easier if, instead of looking at it like, “One moment I’m here. The next minute I have to be all the way over there,” we understand it more as a series of stages.
I’ll assume one has left the initial stage of denial, and decided to — for example — lose a few pounds; accepting that either forever gaining weight or making a change are his only options.
He lands firmly in stage one: “Never.”
Here thoughts and feelings are extremely negative, perception being an excessive, laborious amount of work and discomfort for what appears to be a pipe dream result. Internal dialog is, “I will never be able to do that” with the obvious coda being, “…so why bother to try?”
In our example, the thought of sweaty, painful exercise; a starvation-level diet; anal-retentive tracking of calories; tasteless recipes; extensive shopping pattern adjustments; and – in general – being forever, always, never-ending conscious; triggers our synapses to scream, “No way! Can’t be done, ain’t gonna happen.” Crossing our arms, scowling, and firmly planting our feet, we refuse to budge.
Or so we think.
You see; the problem is that once consciousness has been raised it cannot never again be buried.
Someday, somewhere, somehow…
At this very moment, a frustrated, frightened middle-aged woman is standing on a scale in a state of disbelief.
She hadn’t dare climb upon it for years, afraid of the number she’d see — and terrified of what it would mean. Today however, after finding nothing in the closet that fits, the anxiety of not knowing overrode the faux safety of denial.
Her fears were realized.
As she continues to stare at the number between her toes, confidence is dwindling. Lost, she understands she needs to do something. She’s also not sure she can.
Today, a foreman will unexpectedly be put face-to-face with the unpleasant reality that he isn’t as young as he used to be.
Long ago, feeling uncomfortable in ever-tightening pants, he shifted from a belt to suspenders. After all, he didn’t need to buy larger trousers; this was a temporary situation. As a million times before, he’d drop those “few pounds” as soon as things “settled down.”
Funny thing, that; they didn’t, and his belly now is profound. Having not been witness to his toes in a blue moon, moving has become laborious, bending a chore, and breathing — well, it’s just not as easy as it used to be.
Before today’s calendar changes pages, in the midst of a frustrating conversation with a client, his shortness of breath will ramp up severely; he’ll begin sweating profusely, feel light-headed, and become unmistakably aware of an overwhelming pain in his arms and back.
The day will end not at all the way he planned. [Read more…]
The “cat’scade” effect
It’s difficult to describe a room’s layout without showing an image — so if you’re really, really into following this column (which describes how the furniture in our living room is placed), you might want to draw a big “L” on a piece of paper. Then again, you probably aren’t that compulsive.
Anyway, a chocolate brown three-person couch comprises the vertical leg of the “L”. Perpendicular to it, forming the horizontal leg of the “L” is a recliner, with both facing the entertainment center, which would be by the top of the “L.”
Stick with me. It’ll all come together soon.
On either end of the couch is an end table, usually covered with the common odds and ends that collect over the day. You know, wallets, reading glasses, books, maybe a coffee cup or two.
The room has a picture window, which would be “below “the bottom of the “L” and behind the recliner. In front of said window, and behind the recliner, is a coffee table. That might seem a poor placement — unless cats reside in your house as they do at ours. Therefore, utilization of the table has been ceded to our two ginger felines who sit there, staring out at the street.
Okay, the stage is set. Here we go.
My wife and I sit on the couch to watch television.
I’m sure most couples — for that matter, most families — always sit in the same place. In our case, I without fail place myself at the “top of the L” while she sits on the other end of the couch. Motor, our younger cat, perches on the coffee table. Mini-Schnauzer Jack rests between the two of us on the couch.
Then there’s Tiger; our older cat, Alpha of the four-legged members of the family.
Diet Schmiet! Why Lifestyle is More Important.
Every time a friend tells me she’s trying a new diet, I want to smack her in the head.
If you’re health-conscious, I’m sure you feel the same way.
Now, while I wouldn’t suggest actually doing that—the results, I’ve found, aren’t great—it’s definitely important to help people who don’t quite understand “health” see what it really means to eat and live well.
They might not thank you, but their bodies will.
Why Dieting is Dumb
“Diet” comes from the Greek word for “useless.” At least that’s what I assume, because that’s what most diets are: totally useless and ineffective.
Diets essentially tell you to eat X for Y amount of time and Z will happen; “Z” is always some outlandish claim like, “You’ll lose eighty pounds!” or “The man of your dreams will appear on your doorstep in a Speedo!”
And they’re always inaccurate. Temporary changes don’t create permanent results.
Being unhealthy is a problem. So is drinking. People with drinking problems make a lifelong commitment to change their behavior; people with health problems need to do the same.
“No Diet” Doesn’t Equal “No Rules”
Don’t misunderstand me: not dieting doesn’t mean eating burgers three meals a day. A healthy lifestyle means having a healthy diet—diet, here, meaning “what you eat.” Sticking to that diet is the most important part.
The Truth About Abs reviews are a great read for people who think crash dieting or 90-day bootcamp workouts are the key to health. The reviews are all from people who started a program (whatever healthy program that may be) , stuck to it, and found results.
Stuck to it, like, forever. Like, that’s how they live now. Because that’s how you get healthy.
Mental Health is Health, Too
If one more of my friends tells me she needs to go on a diet because she’s out of shape… well, you already know what I’m likely to do.
And that’s another myth I need to debunk while we’re on the topic of diets: “out of shape,” what does that mean? I’d like to be a rectangle, but I’m an octagon instead?
Humans aren’t shapes. There’s no “right” body. People who look in the mirror and don’t like what they see often think that eating better and working out will change that.
It won’t. At least not to the degree that they want it to, usually.
If you hate your body, you have deeper problems than poor health. You need to practice some self-love.
Before any one of us can commit to eating well and staying active, we need to feel motivated to do it for ourselves. And if you hate yourself, you’re not likely to feel too motivated.
Try this: every morning, look yourself in the eye in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful. Didn’t work? Do it again. And again. And ten more times, until you believe it.
You’re never going to stick to a healthy way of living if you don’t think you deserve to be healthy. Once you realize how worthy you are, the rest is easy-peasy.
Eat Well and Exercise
That’s all you have to do.
Stop eating fast food. Cut sugar out as much as possible. Limit caffeine and alcohol, and eat a lot of raw foods like fruits and veggies. Incorporate plenty of meat and nuts into your diet, but stick to lean cuts and only buy organic.
And find a physical activity that you love. Running, yoga, spinning, rugby—try everything until something sticks, and then stick with it. Get your friends involved to help you stay motivated to get out there and be active, and take turns trying out each other’s favorite physical activities.
Join a gym, too. Wherever you live, there’s probably weather. And I don’t want to hear anyone whining about how it’s been too cold, rainy, hot or whatever to go running or get on your bike.
The hardest part about working out and eating well is getting started. Once you’ve incorporated both into your routing, you’ll feel better, look better, and live a better life. I promise.