In conflict, begin each sentence with “I feel…” rather than “You did…”
Don’t interrupt during the reply.
Everything seems crazy these days.
That’s causing us to feel overwhelmed, overloaded, and stressed out; the perfect combination to get us into disagreements with the people we care about and those with whom we work.
Should you find yourself in that most unhappy state, it’s important to remember that the main thing is to get resolution, not to “one up” the other. (After all, how well do you react when someone tries to “one up” you?”)
To that end, begin your concerns in first person.
This works for a few reasons:
- No one can rationally argue with how YOU feel. After all, it’s YOUR feeling. Sure, it might not be shared, but that’s the subject for discussion.
- If you have to begin with “I feel…,” it’s going to cause you to “own it” before you say it. When we say “Everyone thinks…” or “You always…,” we take no responsibility for ourselves. If you have to “own” your statement, you might think twice about saying it, causing you to re-word or re-think it
(If you would like an article about “Fair Fighting” that includes this helpful tip as well as others, you can download it at https://thistimeimeanit.com/monday-motivational-memo-disagree )