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You are here: Home / Archives for humor

Does This Harness Make Me Look Fat?

February 5, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

My friend celebrated his 60th birthday by jumping out of an airplane.

screaming parachutist

(Just to clarify, he was wearing a parachute.) When I asked why, he replied, “It was on my bucket list.”

“Wow!” said I. “I don’t think I’d have the courage to do something like that.
Good for you.”

Understand I am not a very adventurous sort, and furthermore, nothing on my “bucket list” has even a remote possibility that while engaging in the activity, I could end up in pieces small enough to fit in said bucket. After all, the way I look at it is if God wanted us to jump out of a perfectly functioning airplane, he wouldn’t have given them locking doors.

Now — should you be so inclined — before mounting high horse and considering me sans courage, realize I get my jollies as a public speaker. According to common knowledge, more folks are afraid of doing that than dying. Therefore, I safely rationalize that my skydiving sexagenarian buddy would watch me in front of an audience and say,

“Wow! I don’t think I’d have the courage to do something like that. Good for you.”

Check. And mate.

Recently, a speaking engagement had me presenting on a cruise ship.

(I know, it’s a difficult job, but someone had to do it.) If you’ve have not had the opportunity to be on one of these floating towns, understand they are indeed titanic. (Hmmm, poor choice of words; let’s just say they’re huge.) Moreover, our ship, Allure of the Seas, is the largest ever.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, humor, Motivation, Newspaper Column, Weight Loss Tagged With: cruise, diet, excitement, fear, heart healthy, weight, zip lining

Video: Funny Remote Controlled Piano

December 21, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

A remote controlled piano was placed in the center of grand central station in Chicago.

It’s great fun to watch the reactions and to notice the attitudes of those folks around it.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Holidays, humor, Power of Attitude, Video Tagged With: funny, music, piano, santa, travel

Video: Narration of What Goes On In a Cat’s Mind

November 22, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Try as I might to stay away from kitty videos, I could not resist.

A bit of humor for your Friday. Enjoy.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: humor, Video Tagged With: animals, cats, videos humor

Yes Dear, Whatever You Say Dear…

November 13, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I’ll admit it; I’m wimpy when it comes to confrontations.

man-coweringI don’t like people getting mad at me. So oft times, I go out of my way to pre-appease them; assuming they won’t like something and sidestepping the issue all together. Yes, I realize I’m co-dependent and yes, I’m trying to stop; I even tried to form a support group for co-dependents but no one would give me per-mission. (Insert rim shot here…)

What this means is that I become concerned that my politics or opinions might show through my writing, resulting in me being harangued by internet “trolls” who have nothing better to do than spend every waking hour scouring the interwebs waiting to pounce on anything I write. (Self-importance much?)

In fairness, my concern is not without basis.

I’ve been flamed because of my views on guns, political candidates, and even negative communication styles (obviously missing the irony). The column that garnered the most hate mail was a humorous piece where I postulated the theory that, based on a trip to New Orleans, the only foods allowed in the south must be deep-fried. (I was even accused of trying to re-ignite the civil war; really.)

Anyhoo… my concern with attempting to avert these curmudgeons can — at times — cause me to pick and choose my topics and words with extreme care. After all, someone a thousand miles away, reading my piece two weeks after I wrote it might feel awkward and shoot negative vibes toward me. Goodness knows! I wouldn’t want that to happen.

Like I said: co-dependent.

This piece however might cause a ruffle or two much closer to home, including in my own household so I now begin to tread in dangerous places.

New and recent findings, published in the journal Emotion, show that long-term marital satisfaction depends on wives — more so than husbands — regulating their emotions during arguments. Researchers from two major universities found that the happi-est marriages, in both the short and long-term, were those where the wives were able to regain their self-control quickly after disputes erupted.

The lead author of the study (whom I point out is a woman) said, [Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Conflict Management, family, Happiness, humor, Newspaper Column, Relationships Tagged With: conflict, marriage, relationship, relationships

Something Light for Breakfast

October 30, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

When on vacation, I dress quicker than my wife, having less hair, and therefore less of a need to blow-dry it.

With the extra time, I find myself waiting for her at the hotel restaurant.

“What will it be this morning?” asks the waitress.

Studying the menu, I am engaged in a fierce internal debate between “responsible” (fresh fruit), and “desirable” (hash browns, bacon, omelet, croissant). Adult overrules inner child and I order “something light,” oatmeal.

Bowl of Porridge

Momentarily a bathtub-size basin arrives. Submerged in thick, rich, cream, smothered with a brown syrupy liquid of melted maple sugar, is my hot cereal. Realizing it’s too late to ask for non-fat milk and sugar on the side, I reassure myself the faux pas won’t harm my diet. Everyone knows unintended calories don’t count; fat cells realize the error and disregard the weight gain.

The waitress places a platter of sugary condiments on the table before leaving. At first, I am inclined to resist them, but re-evaluate. Maybe this is a local tradition; it would be rude to offend our hosts. Besides, I’m on vacation; it’s almost an edict that one sample new foods while traveling.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Diet, humor, Newspaper Column Tagged With: breakfast, diet, hotels, humor, oatmeal, travel

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