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You are here: Home / Archives for humor

The Great New Miracle Diet Featuring CleanYouOut!

May 2, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

“I lost 18 pounds my first 24 hours while still enjoying chocolate cake, French fries, and beer!

The best thing is it’s been a whole day and I haven’t gained back a pound!”

Hard to believe, isn’t it?

Like millions of women, Zelda Smith, always fought the battle of the bulge.

“Since I was young, I was chubby. Other kids made fun of me, teasing me and embarrassing me on the playground. As an adult, it only got worse.”

“It didn’t matter what I did, weight just kept piling on. I tried everything, switching to low-fat foods, watching what I ate; I even stopped using chocolate syrup as salad dressing. At meals, I tried limiting myself to only what could fit on one plate, never going back for seconds. My sister — who’s never been supportive — scoffed. She said, ‘Zelda, if you’re going to do the one-plate thing, I don’t think you should use a platter. It defeats the purpose.’ Do you see what I’ve had to put up with?”

“But I didn’t let her deter me; I was determined! So I adjusted my lifestyle. I went to the gym; I even got out of my car and went inside once. At home I exercised regularly — ten minutes once a month, just like clockwork. I found other ways to increase my activity. I started walking to the mailbox instead of driving; my husband really appreciated that because he found it hard to get in the front door when I left the car parked on the porch. Sometimes, when I was really inspired, I even put down the remote control and walked all the way over to the TV to shut it off. It’s not easy to change your life, but when something’s worth it, you sacrifice.”

“Still, I was frustrated by the lack of results.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Diet, humor, Newspaper Column Tagged With: battle of the bulge, diet, fad diet, humor, low fat foods, satire, weight loss support, weight loss support groups

Video: Dance Walking Fitness with Ben Aaron

April 26, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I didn’t know who this guy was until I saw this video.

As it turns out, he’s a  reporter in New York.  (Find his Facebook page here.) However, it doesn’t matter; he put together a fun, upbeat video about being more active and enjoying the process. (It’s also about the only time I’ve ever thought it would be fun to live in New York City!)

 

Filed Under: Exercise, Inspiration, Video Tagged With: ben aaron, dance walking fitness, exercise, fitness, humor, inspiration, lifestyle, new york city, video dance

Motivational Cough Drops? Really!

April 5, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I had a scratchy throat last week.

My wife gave me a cough drop from Hall’s (sugar-free of course). I noticed that the label was covered with motivational phrases. I don’t know who came up with nor why they thought it would be a good idea – but, what the heck, it’s kind of cool. They call it “a pep talk in every drop.”

Filed Under: Health, humor, Misc, Motivation Tagged With: cough drop, hall's, humor, motivation, motivational phrases, scratchy throat

Is this Proof that God loves Dieters?

March 28, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

If you believe in a Deity, signs of His or Her presence are abundant.

sunrise godClimbing over the horizon in the east as night gives birth to morning, the scenic tapestry of golds, reds, blues, and yellows can be nothing less than the orchestration of colors conducted by a Divine Being. When the non-embarrassed, joyfully infused, uninhibited laughter of a baby bursts forth and fills your ears and heart, have you any choice but to believe that is the voice of God? Surviving a catastrophic accident unscathed or recovering from the abyss of a life-threatening illness will bolster the faith of almost any non-believer.

Should those illustrations not be enough to persuade you of the loving omnipotence of an all-powerful benevolent Spirit, I present to you definitive proof:

According to a recent study, people who ate chocolate a few times per week (or more) weighed less than those who rarely indulged in the sweet.

Let’s make sure you read that correctly. Chocolate lovers weighed LESS than those who consumed the sweet brown Gift From Heavens less often. I understand that this column you are reading is first appearing in proximate to April Fool’s day, yet rest assured I am not punking you. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Current Events, Diet, Health, Newspaper Column, Weight Loss Tagged With: beatrice golomb, chocolate, chocolate lovers, comfort food, diet, dieters, humor, obesity, reuters, study

Audio: Does God Love Dieters?

March 28, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

This is the podcast from year 7, column 15.

It’s 5:49 in length and talks about a recent study about how people who eat chocolate more often tend to be less obese and more healthy than people who eat it less often. You can find the study here.

You can download it by clicking here.

You can read the column here.

Filed Under: Current Events, Diet, humor, Podcast, Weight Loss Tagged With: chocolate, diet, dieters, god, humor, Podcast, reuters, study

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