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You are here: Home / Archives for humor

When You’re All Out of Excuses, You Might Enjoy It

October 10, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

“So, Scott,” she said, “What are you going to do to get more in shape?”

“I’ve been considering more exercise.”

“Do you still ride a bike?”

“Not since the accident. Besides,” I justified, “It’s still broken.”

“Wasn’t that accident a year ago?”

(Looking at my feet, mumbling), “Um, yes.”

“How long until you repair it?”

“Um, I don’t know. Soon? I guess…” (my voice trailed into silence)

“Okay, that’s going nowhere. Are you still doing yoga?”

“Not since my bike accident.”

“I don’t see the correlation, but if you’re not riding your bike or doing yoga, what are you doing?”

Reaching, reaching, reaching… “Walking!” I snapped back. “Yeah, right! I walk soooo much now! Wow! I’m a walkin’ fool.”

“Good for you! Is it helping?”

“Um, no, not really.” (I returned to starting at my feet and mumbling.)

“Why don’t you do something else?”

“I don’t like anything else.”

“Really?! Out of all the possibilities, you can’t think of one single thing you’d enjoy?”

Realizing how silly I sounded, I decided — per Mark Twain — ‘twas better to keep my mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt.

They had me cornered; they were circling. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Exercise, humor, Newspaper Column, Self Talk, Weight Loss Tagged With: attitude, bike accident, coordination, exercise, fun, humor, yoga, zumba

Dear Diet Diary

August 3, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Sunday

My backside looks like cottage cheese during an earthquake. I’ve got to do something about it. So, tomorrow, I’m going on a diet. Here’s to success!

Monday

Okay, I guess I’ll start Tuesday instead. We had some leftover cookies in the house, as well as that birthday cake from last week, and a jar of peanut butter. I knew they were going to be a problem and had to get rid of them. In retrospect, it might have been smarter to throw them away instead of eat them, but what can you do? At least the house is clean of those fattening foods, giving me a running start tomorrow. Here’s to success!

Tuesday

So far, so good! No cravings. No slip-ups. Who would think it would be so easy? We’ll see how it goes after I get out of bed. I think I’m going to make it.

Wednesday

My alarm didn’t go off so I didn’t exercise – but I did try on five pairs of sweat pants to see which looked best. I mean, you can’t exercise in ratty clothes can you? So, I got a great pair and now I’m absolultely, positively, really, really set to start tomorrow. Watch out world, I’m on my way!

Thursday

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Diet, humor, Newspaper Column Tagged With: diet, going on a diet, humor, perfectionism

Video: Funny Ad About Unexpected Expenses

July 9, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus

It’s hard to keep a good attitude when you get unexpected expenses. This video will help you feel better. It’s hysterical. Enjoy.

Filed Under: humor, Video Tagged With: advertising, attitude, humor, money, unexpected expenses, videos humor

Jogging for Donuts

May 24, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Offering up the rationale that she had to go out of town, my trainer canceled our appointment.

I knew the “real” reason: She had grown tired of me, leaving to find another greybeard to tutor; tossing me to the curb like yesterday’s recyclables. As revenge, I would forgo my exercise regiment; opting instead to sleep late, eat immense amounts of sugary snacks, gain lots of weight, and make her feel guilty. Don’t mess with the male ego; it is a bewildering and convoluted place.

However, fate interceded and my eyes popped open at 3:30 AM, leaving me restless and incapable of returning to the embracing arms of Hypnos. Since I could not sleep, the question became, “what do I do at this hour?”

I could exercise.

The notion of huffing, puffing, bending, and squatting in the cold morning dampness – with no trainer guiding over and coercing me – struck me as being as appealing as bathing in ice water. Yet, in this pre-dawn mentally fuzzy state, activity sounded more attractive than staring at dark bedroom walls; so I ventured out doors, thinking, “I can walk to the bakery and get a donut.” Strapping on walking shoes, iPod, and fleece vest, I set forth into the inhospitable chilly climes of dawn.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Exercise, humor, Newspaper Column Tagged With: exercise, humor, jogging, male ego, running, trainer, walking shoes

Video: Funny Lincoln Ad from Geico About Communication

May 9, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

No matter how hard we try to be honest, sometimes it just doesn’t work. A very funny ad from Geico featuring Abe Lincoln trying to live up to his nickname, “Honest Abe.” Enjoy.

Filed Under: humor, Relationships, Video Tagged With: abe lincoln, communication, geico, honest abe, honesty, humor, importance of honesty, relationship problems, relationships

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