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You are here: Home / Archives for humor

Annoying the Scam Artists

July 30, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

You wouldn’t know it by the number of fake phone calls I get, but I am on the “Do Not Call” list.

In the course of a day, I average a dozen bogus solicitations from ne’er-do-wells of every stripe; credit card flim-flam men to fake IRS agents. Because of caller ID, I usually avoid the interactions. Usually, but not always…

A heavily accented voice came through the speaker,

“Hello, this is tech support. We’re calling about problems we have noticed on your computer.”

tech support at computer

I knew where this was headed but was suffering from writer’s block and needed a distraction.

Plus, I figured if they were going to waste my time, turnabout is fair play.

He continued, “Is this the owner of the computer we have on file?”

“I don’t know,” replied I, “Where would I find your records so I can tell you if I am that person?”

“You don’t have them. We do.”

“Oh, so how would I know if I’m the owner of the computer you have on file?”

Sighing, “Um, never mind. We are calling from vendor.”

I got that he was saying “vendor” but his accent was so think, it came across as “vindoer,” plus he omitted the word “the,” giving me my opening.

“Is Vindoer in Europe?” [Read more…]

Filed Under: humor, Misc, Newspaper Column Tagged With: humor, internet, scams, time

The Cleanse

June 3, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Weight is a progressive disorder.

By that I mean, if you are overweight and you’re not doing something to lose weight, you’re going to gain it; there’s no middle ground. People who battle obesity consistently fool themselves into thinking they can “take a break” and “maintain for awhile.” They can’t. After all, if they could, why would they not have “maintained” ten or twenty pounds lower? That’s not meant to be snarky; it’s just truth.

Eventually the reality, “I’ve let it get out of control” sets in, closely tailed by panic. When that occurs, logic beats a hasty exit and all sorts of strange get-thin-quick behaviors show up on the front porch.

man-looking-at-empty-refrigeratorOne of which is “The Cleanse.”

To lay all my cards on the table, I’m not a fan. One reason is that so many “cleanses” are bizarre at best, even downright unhealthy — not to mention unsustainable.

To that point, I relay a recent conversation with a friend. “I’m on day four of a seven-day cleanse,” he said. “I need advice. I’m starving. I can’t think. I’m ready to bite someone’s head off and all I can think of is eating. What do I do?”

Curious, I asked, “Why are you doing this? Why not a more balanced approach like cutting back a little here and there and adding in some exercise? That would work much better — without the side effects.”

“My girlfriend and I wanted to kick start the weight loss. We found this on line.”

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Diet, humor, Newspaper Column, Rant, Weight Loss Tagged With: colon cleanse, diet fads, fad diet, fad diets, starvation diet

Leave a Note for a Friend, Family Member, or Co-Worker

May 11, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Leave a surprise note for someone.

Remember how you felt the last time someone left you a surprise note?

Whether it was your spouse, your parent, or just a friend; there’s something special about finding a friendly note when you least expect it.

No matter how good your mood was before you got the note, it got better afterwards.

A few years ago, I bought some really inexpensive plastic hearts at a dollar store for Valentine’s Day (above). I put candies in them for my wife. However, I still have them and periodically, I will put short, fun notes in them and hide them in various places around the house for her. It might take weeks before she finds them – and I’m sure we’re still missing some that were never retrieved. I don’t tell her. As she stumbles upon them, it brightens her mood and mine (because I’ll hear her surprised laugh or “Aww, that’s so sweet!).

Why not try it yourself and watch what happens to your mood?  (No, it doesn’t have to be a romantic note.)

Examples of what you could do:

[Read more…]

Filed Under: family, humor, Inspiration, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: better relationships, co workers, family and friends, fun things to do, life is full of surprises

Funny Gag Video: Overweight Man in Exercise Class

May 4, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Might as well start the week with a laugh.

Normally, I don’t go for “manufactured gag videos,” but this one, especially when the second half of the video arrives, is hysterical.

Filed Under: Exercise, humor, Video Tagged With: exercise, exercise gym, gags, humor

Funny Video: Overweight Man Dancing on Beach

May 1, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I really admire this guy, not for his physique (obviously) but he’s the spirit of “Dance like no one’s watching.”

Filed Under: Exercise, humor, Power of Attitude, Video Tagged With: dance, humor, video dance

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