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You are here: Home / Archives for jogging

My Dog Doesn’t Understand Why We’re Jogging

September 5, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus

Fret not; that thumping, rhythmic, heavy pulsing sound behind you is not the noise of Heaven and Earth colliding.

Rather, ‘tis the pounding of my sneakers as they hit the pavement while I jog. Yes, you read that correctly. I am now jogging. (Well, not this minute of course; it’s difficult to type while running.)

I had more excuses than a double bacon cheeseburger has calories to avoid huffing and puffing down the street. They ran the gamut from “I might pass out,” to “I’ll look silly.” (Of course the latter pre-supposes that I don’t naturally look “silly,” which might be up for debate.) Yet, recently, my walks have — at times — become my jogs.

What pray tell, you might ask, has caused this transformation on par with the changing of the earth’s axis?

I am the recipient of a neat-o, boss, whiz-bang, plaything that plugs into my computer called an accelerometer. As I understand, an accelerometer “knows” where it is in space. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t know it is in Eureka or Portland, but it is able to discern when it moves from one location to another, and at what velocity. Therefore, while it is on my person; should I go to and fro, hither and yon, nigh and far, or up and down; it measures that movement and speed. After an initial multi-day “assessment,” it computes my baseline activity level and sets up a 12-week challenge, gradually increasing my activity level. The result is I become more active, and hence, healthier — and hopefully thinner.

Each evening (as well as an obsessive number of times per day), I place it still on a flat surface to watch the ring of green LEDs glow. Should at least four of the six do so, I’m at 100% of my daily goal. Oh happy day! On the contrary, should I receive less than four, I better get moving.

At day’s end, I realized I forgot to check my progress.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Excuses, Exercise, humor, Newspaper Column Tagged With: accelerometer, activity, exercise, exercise plan, jogging, running, Weight Watchers Active Link

Jogging for Donuts

May 24, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Offering up the rationale that she had to go out of town, my trainer canceled our appointment.

I knew the “real” reason: She had grown tired of me, leaving to find another greybeard to tutor; tossing me to the curb like yesterday’s recyclables. As revenge, I would forgo my exercise regiment; opting instead to sleep late, eat immense amounts of sugary snacks, gain lots of weight, and make her feel guilty. Don’t mess with the male ego; it is a bewildering and convoluted place.

However, fate interceded and my eyes popped open at 3:30 AM, leaving me restless and incapable of returning to the embracing arms of Hypnos. Since I could not sleep, the question became, “what do I do at this hour?”

I could exercise.

The notion of huffing, puffing, bending, and squatting in the cold morning dampness – with no trainer guiding over and coercing me – struck me as being as appealing as bathing in ice water. Yet, in this pre-dawn mentally fuzzy state, activity sounded more attractive than staring at dark bedroom walls; so I ventured out doors, thinking, “I can walk to the bakery and get a donut.” Strapping on walking shoes, iPod, and fleece vest, I set forth into the inhospitable chilly climes of dawn.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Exercise, humor, Newspaper Column Tagged With: exercise, humor, jogging, male ego, running, trainer, walking shoes

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