Some time ago, I postulated that the locus of control for our lives is internal.
That might sound high fallutin’ and all, but it’s pretty simple; my take was that as long as we put control over what happens to us “out there” rather than squarely within, nothing will ever change. We will remain where we are in our development.
I state that without judgment, just pointing out a fact.
For example, it may be true that Aunt Margaret is pushing the deep-dish lasagna she made “just for you” like a pasta addict enabler. Equally true is she gets offended when you turn it down, and saying “no” to her home cooking causes a family rift. It might also be accurate that your husband is unsupportive when he sits next to you munching obliviously away on your favorite flavor of potato chips, while you’re stuck in a funk with celery sticks and carrots. Yes, you’ve told him a thousand times that you’d like him to not do that, and yes, you’re right, he doesn’t seem to care.
However… (don’t you just hate that word sometimes?) the decision about whether or not to succumb to temptation or pressure – as difficult as it might be – still lies within; nowhere else. In effect, it lives within. As long as we say things like, “She made me…” or “I had no choice…” or “It was too hard…” we are committing to stay put.
I’ve seen Aunt Margaret when she’s ticked off and I don’t blame anyone for avoiding a Hatfield-McCoy blow out. But, whether we’re trying to lose weight, increase our income, or just plain be happier; as long as we allow others to determine our actions, they’re controlling us. It’s understandable that sometimes the “social price” we have to pay to follow our path doesn’t justify the return. Again, I’m not placing value; been there, done that; I’m just analyzing.