I have struggled with my weight as long as I can remember.
I always wanted some sort of miracle.
To one day just wake up in a new body, or to be standing there and suddenly have my clothes just fall off of me because they were too big. I needed a breakthrough in more ways than one.
Along the way, I’ve loved reading others’ success stories for inspiration. I thrill at seeing the “before and after” shots. I get such encouragement from hearing different journeys of fellow weight-loss “Becomers”. Sometimes just one little word from them will be just the motivation I need to make it through another day. I think that partly, it’s that commonality that is so comforting. It’s great to know that someone else is going through the same things and maybe even being victorious over some tough issues!
I have noticed one little thing though, that makes me feel like I just don’t fit in.
The typical weight-loss success story seems to follow a formula that goes something like this:
- I was fat and miserable.
- I lost my weight.
- And now I am confident and happy.
But see, my story just doesn’t fit that mold.
And yet, I feel it is significant to share it because maybe, just maybe, there is someone else out there who needs to hear it as much as I need all those other success stories too.
My story has gone something more like this:
- I was fat and miserable.
- I finally received and accepted love and the fact that I was “good enough”.
- Because of that, the pressure to lose weight was broken off.
- Because of that, I started this journey of becoming….
- And now I feel free to be confident and happy no matter how much I weigh!
This is how it happened:
I was in a group of friends one day when we were going around completing the sentence: “If God loved me, He would __________.” Talk about a conversation starter! So we’re going around the circle filling in that blank one person at a time, and when it’s my turn, without thinking I say, “If God loved me, He would fix my body.” So on to the next person it went and two or three more after that, when it comes to my friend, Theresa. And she puts the breaks on the whole conversation and says,
“Wait. What did you say? Fix your body?!” All eyes turn to me. “Yeah, fix my body. I’m tired of being miserable. I hate being fat. I feel doomed and uncomfortable and I want a miracle. I want a new body.”
And in that moment, I got my miracle. But it wasn’t the miracle I thought I wanted.
My clothes didn’t drop to the floor because I was suddenly thin. But my heart grew ten times bigger that day as that group of friends descended on it with their words of unconditional love. They cut the barbed wire that had been chaining me down for so many years. They affirmed me over and over and over again. They told me they loved me. They told me how much they appreciated me. They told me what they really thought about me–and it was all good. They told me they didn’t see me as fat at all. They saw me. The real me. They saw the so-much-more-than-the-scale me.
And in that moment, something broke–it was the ugly lie that I cannot be happy until I lose weight. Suddenly, that suffocating pressure of HAVING to lose weight was GONE. And I knew, that in that moment, just as I was, right then and there, as-is, I was perfectly loved. And it did not matter if I ever lost a single pound. It just did not matter. The doom was gone. The pressure was gone. And I was free.
Then, and only then, did I begin this journey of becoming.
I have lost approximately 50 lbs. and have so much farther yet to go! But you know what? It doesn’t much matter. I know that I am loved. The only way I can fail at this is if I chose to. But I chose to keep going, one day at a time!
It sounds so scandalous to say that right now, just as you are, even if you never lose a single pound, you are already good enough. But it’s true. You may not be perfect, but you are perfectly loved. And you never ever have to do anything, including lose weight, to be worthy of that. There is so much more to you than the number on the scale. There is so much value that you bring to the world and to the lives of those around you. Your miracle, like mine, lies in accepting and receiving love. That love has the power to change the “I gotta” to “I get to”.
Eating less and exercising are almost the easy parts! There is a lot deeper stuff to move through on the journey. We know the “how”—it’s getting to the “why” that is so tough. The first step for me was the knowledge that I was loved unconditionally. That love took down a major barrier in my thinking. It made such a critical difference for me that I feel compelled to share it with you. Those glorious “before and after” stories, can be our “here and now”. How exciting is that?
May you walk in the miracle of love.
About the author: Kiki Lal lives in the real Northern California with her handsome husband, two kids, two Labrador Retrievers, a cat, and a lot of love. She worked for eleven years as a Registered Dental Assistant but happily gave up all that fame and glory to pursue her passion and serve her family as a stay-at-home mom. Realizing though, that if done well, it is only a temp job, she is gradually exercising writing muscles she first recognized as a child. Kiki draws inspiration from her family, friends, and a deep faith in God. She likes nothing more than crafting words that make someone laugh or even cry. She blogs at www.WisdomandPearls.blogspot.com and she can be reached by email at firstname.lastname@example.org.