This might come as a shock – but I haven’t written this column for the last 13 years for the money I get. I know, I know; I’ve shattered your world with that revelation. But I trust you’ll get over it.
Of course, that begs the question, “Why do I write it?”
Okay, I’ll tell you. Well, as soon as I figure it out at least. I mean, I like to write (mostly) and it causes me to think, which is a good thing (mostly). And the discipline from writing every week has allowed me to publish nine books on Amazon. So, I guess that’s something. However, probably the biggest reason is that lots of folks come up to me and tell me that that they like it (again, mostly). A typical conversation went like this last week:
Stranger: “Do I know you?”
Me: “Um, I don’t know, where might we have met?”
“Wait, I know now! You’re that guy, aren’t you?”
I’ve lived too many years to respond with “yes” to a question like that without knowing the full context. It could be “Are you that guy who was sleeping with my wife?” I am most certainly not THAT guy. So, I answer, “Which guy?”
“You know, the guy that writes that column in the paper?”
“Oh, yeah, that’s me.”
“I really like your writing.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you mind if I ask you a question?
“Sure, would you like to ask another?”
“Huh? {pause} Oh. I get it. {chuckle} That’s funny. Anyway, what EXACTLY is it about? Is there like a central theme to it or something? I mean, it’s entertaining — and sometimes you say some pretty intelligent things.”
“Sometimes?”
“Well, you know; just keeping it real.”
“Yes, I understand. Anyway, it started out about weight loss but it’s morphed. I help people change habits they don’t like about themselves in a motivational and light manner.”
“Hmmm… so if it’s about changing habits, especially about weight loss, what’s the best advice you can give me to stick to my diet?”
I get asked that question a lot, believe it or not. So, I have an answer at the ready. “Don’t focus on changing the behavior; instead, realize it’s the thoughts that trigger the feelings that trigger the behavior. Change the thoughts and the behavior will fall in line.”
“Let me give you a specific example: I feel really deprived when I think about giving up my favorite foods, so even though I start the day with good intentions, I inevitably give in. Then I feel like I blew it, so as long as I blew it, I might as well really blow it and I can start tomorrow. Then I go really nuts and eat everything bad. How do I change that?”
“You’re setting up a false choice. You’re comparing eating well to depriving yourself, so you feel angry. Because you do, you rebel by ‘telling’ your diet that no one will control you and you’ll eat anything you damn well want. Is that right?”
“Well, yes. But it sounds ridiculous when you word it that way.”
“No judgment, just explaining what I see. If however, you changed your thoughts to ‘I’m learning to eat a new way to eat because I like feeling in control and being healthier and I’m enjoying all the energy I’m getting from eating well,’ how does that feel?”
“Much better; empowering”
“Therefore, you’re more inclined to do what you need to do. It’s still the same food, but your thoughts about it changed and so did the feelings associated with it. Due to that, you’ll act differently; you’ll eat better. What you say to yourself determines what you do to yourself. Change your thoughts; change your life.”
He pondered that for a moment; thanked me; shook my hand and walked off. I felt like a made a difference.
Hmmm, did I say I wasn’t paid well for writing this? I better change those thoughts.