Be With Those You Admire
Be around friends and people who exemplify the character and success you wish to achieve.
One of the surest indicators of how well we do at anything is who we hang around with.
For example:
- If you wish to be healthier, hang out with healthy people.
- If you wish to be happy, hang out with happy people.
- If you wish to be appreciative, hang out with grateful people.
If you’re having trouble finding others who share your sought-after goals or attribute – you can be the first one.
(Others will find you.)
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Of Fathers and Sons
In April 1996, I received a phone call from a TTY telephone operator.
She introduced herself and asked if I had ever worked with someone like her.
“No,” I replied.
“On the other end of this line is someone hearing-impaired,” she explained. “When she wants to call someone, she contacts me and then types what she wants to say into a device. It then appears on a screen in front of me. I’ll read it to you. You reply to me. I type it back. It’s a slow process but it allows her to ‘talk’ to you. Ready?”
“Yes,” I replied hesitantly.
She then — in a stilted, halting manner — read the words as they traipsed across her screen. Not waiting for full sentences to appear, she pronounced each syllable as it materialized, like someone reading a news crawler on the bottom of the TV screen; with the caveat being that the text was scrolling too slowly. Not only was it a sluggish process, it was eerie, and unnerving.
“My… name… is… Mary…” read the operator. “I’m… sorry… to… tell… you… that… your… father… has… passed… away…”
Some background is in order.
Over the nine years I’ve been publishing this weekly column, I have written about my wife, mother, children, grandmother, aunts; even my pets. However, there’s a glaring omission: my father.
Obviously, I had one; and yes, I knew him. However, we didn’t get along and my rebellion manifested itself as me growing up to be his polar opposite. Over the years, I invested a great deal in therapy to release myself from the behaviorial bonds that I felt shackled me to a person I did not want to be.
Fathers and sons have had differing viewpoints since Adam and Abel.
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Are you Appreciative?
Appreciation runs in two directions.
It almost goes without saying that we all love to be appreciated.
What would the remainder of your day be like if:
- You did a “little something” around the house and your spouse said how much he appreciated it?
- One of your children called just to say he loves you and he’s glad you’re his mom?
- You were weeding your yard and noticed some weeds growing in your neighbor’s yard so you decided to pull a few of them. A short while later, there’s a knock on your door. It’s your neighbor, just saying “thank you”?
- You notice the person behind you in the grocery store line has only a couple things. You let him go before you. He sincerely wishes you a wonderful day?
Obviously, you’d feel great. It’s because you were appreciated.
We cannot make anyone else appreciate us. Yet, we sure can take the time to appreciate someone else.
Take a moment each day to appreciate a simple act.
You’ll appreciate how great it makes YOU feel.
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Our Feelings are Our Own
Nobody makes anybody feel anything.
We learn to react to events by feeling certain ways. We can learn to react differently if we want to.
It won’t always be easy but it’s definitely worth it.
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Find Ways to Honor Those Who Sacrifice
Find ways to honor those who sacrifice.
Today’s Motivational Memo was obviously inspired by the fact that it’s Memorial Day and we need to honor those who have served our country – and especially those who paid the ultimate sacrifice.
However, without diminishing our armed services, it’s importantly to remember that we can also honor the sacrifice of others who make our communities better.
For example, those people who:
- Teach our children
- Protect our streets
- Take care of our children and our elderly
- Minister to our poor
- Keep us healthy
- Volunteer for the needy and less fortunate
- Watch over their neighbors
If you know a veteran, take the time today to salute him or her.
Read More »
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Video: Dog Rescued from Oklahoma Tornado
Wow! After yesterday’s article, I find this. If it doesn’t bring a tear (of happiness) to your eye, nothing will.
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Is it Really That Bad?
Spoiler alert: This seemingly negative rant has an upbeat ending. Don’t think I’ve driven off the grumpy cliff until you reach the conclusion.
Having stated that, I am so very sick of fog, grey skies, cold wind, and dampness.
Last week, I was speaking in Eastern Washington. One evening, my lovely wife and I walked to a restaurant. You know what? We didn’t have to wear a jacket, and no, we weren’t shivering, not a twitch! Nope, just a nice leisurely stroll; holding hands, wearing shorts and donned in short sleeves no less. The temperature was 75, the sky was postcard blue, a light breeze caressed our skin and in the distance, the setting sun was beginning to cast the most beautiful blood-orange red pattern behind marshmallow clouds.
Where I live, even in the spring, so much of the time you cannot go outside at night (let alone during the day) unless you’re wearing a parka, gloves, wool cap, and scarf. (Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration – but not much.) It would be so wonderfully enjoyable to relax on our deck during the evening and not shiver.
Like I said, I grow weary of dreary.
And now that I’ve got my cranky pants yanked snug, I’ve also grown tired of people throwing garbage on my property during the wee hours. Many mornings I come outside for the first time (wearing parka, glove, and wool cap) and find discarded on my lawn is someone else’s trash. It could be a fast-food bag or a soda bottle. Once I found soiled diapers. Are you kidding me? I don’t get such self-centered mentality. Are there herds of self-absorbed oblivious garbage automatons who amble the dark hours randomly tossing crap on other people’s property? I mean, how hard is it to walk the extra five feet and put it in our garbage can? I give you my permission. I want my yard to look nice; this isn’t helping – and I get grumpy about it.
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What Will Your Future Self Say to You?
Do something today that your future self will thank you for.
As children, we couldn’t wait for our birthdays. They seemed so far in the future that we thought they’d never get here. Yet they did.
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Be Honest With Yourself and Others
“To thine own self, be true.”
It is always wiser to under-promise and over-deliver…than the opposite.
Whether you’re making a commitment to a client, an employee, a family member, or even to yourself, make sure you’re extremely honest and that the promise you make is the “bottom floor” of what you will accomplish.
So, instead of committing to lose 50 pounds or promising to run a mile every day, make the promise that you’ll lose 5 pounds or walk a block every morning.
You can always exceed the promise and no one (including you) will object.
However, if you fall short, everyone affected is disappointed.
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Enough with the Fat Jokes
Since, I’m not a “political columnist,” instead more of a “lifestyle writer,” I understand why people don’t expect me to bring up politics.
However, being a “political junkie,” I sometimes use elected figures or partisan causes as a launching pad for my broader point. For some reason I cannot fathom, that elicits hate mail.
As example, a few years ago, I wrote about Congresswoman Gabby Giffords (and others) who was gunned down in an Arizona shopping center. My piece (or so I thought) was neither an argument for nor against tighter or looser gun controls. Rather, I used the tragedy to illuminate that we have become more concerned with proving our points of view are correct instead of collaborating to discover solutions. My intention was to point out that if we respect and communicate better with each other, we’d all get more of what we need. To me, that seemed a very sensible point. After all, who could argue about being reasonable? Who knew? Yep, there were some.
I was flabbergasted by the vitriol that flooded my inbox.
Ironically, some were more interested in defending their positions than trying to understand the backbone of my piece; the article’s main complaint.
So… with that as preamble, please drop any political pre-dispositions (either positive or negative) when I mention New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, whom I shall use as example for a greater point.
Mr. Christie is a high-profile politician. We can differ as to whether he’s a suitable presidential candidate, or even a decent executive for The Garden State. What is without disagreement is that Mr. Christie is obese, morbidly obese. In the interest of full disclosure, I disagree with Christie more than I agree with him. Having said that, I still find it distasteful that — due only to his size — it is considered within the norm to poke fun at him.
Why is obesity the remaining physical characteristic socially acceptable for ridicule?
I understand that one could argue that the governor – and obese people – has brought it upon himself by lifestyle choices. I would counter, one, we don’t know that; two, that’s might not be accurate. More importantly, it belies the greater question, “Even if someone makes improper health choices, why are so many so comfortable with teasing others about what they weigh or eat?”
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Dealing with Fear and Lowering Anxiety
When you get scared, focus on Today.
Tomorrow will take care of itself.
Most of the time, fear “lives in the future.” In other words, the vast majority of times, when we get frightened, it’s because we’re thinking about something that might happen, or could happen. Fortunately, it’s usually not happening right now.
If you’re afraid you will not be able to accomplish your goals, that means you’re thinking too far out. Slow yourself down, and go back to the “Think 1st” philosophy:
-
Pick 1 Thing
-
Make it Small
-
Focus on Today
That will calm you down enough to resolve the problem.
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Doing the Thing!
I am ablaze! I figured out the final thing I have to do to get my act together!
It’s a new dawn; heaven has opened wide; the path is clear; I am complete! Just picturing it makes me so excited I can barely sit still!
But, here’s the thing about the thing. You can’t just jump into it, you know? I mean, after all, something as grandiose as this requires forethought and meticulous planning. That’s why I’ll be successful where others wouldn’t! See, I have a handle on the fact you just don’t launch willy-nilly hither and yon down the boulevard into something as pressing, essential, and life-altering as a thing like this can be. You better be primed, that’s what I have to say.
And I am! Nothing will hold me back! I’m getting my ducks in a row; putting my house in order; stepping one foot in front of the other; yes sirree Bob! I’m figuring out the flawless, exact method to ensure I do it just so. Don’t want to take my shot and blow it. You hear me, don’t ya’ bro?
In days gone by, I tended to rush without forethought into critical decisions.
Now, being wiser, I know first elicit support. It’s slowing me down somewhat because — well, I don’t mean to brag — but I’m a pretty popular guy, you know? I have friends on top of friends; want to make sure they’re all on board. I’ve called several, emailed buckets more; even posted it on Facebook. That’s the way to build consensus though. It’s time-consuming, but when you’re a forward-thinking guy like me, you appreciate that’s the price of success. Slow and steady; tortoise and hare; you know how it goes.
But after that, watch out, boy howdy! After you heed your peeps, you chart your actions. Those of us in the know value that if you write down the objectives, line ‘em out, set ‘em in motion; they’re far more likely to happen. Measure twice, cut once; right? So, I’ll take a few days for a secluded personal retreat where I compile the input, and write, write, write! Read More »
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