Motivational Monday Memo: Slow Down and Listen
To get answers, you have to ask questions.
To hear the answers, you have to listen.
Our minds listen “faster” than people can speak.
Therefore, especially when we’re busy, we sometimes don’t take the time so slow down and really listen to what others are telling us. We respond to what we think they’re saying, not necessarily what they are really saying.
Take just a few seconds to “slow down your listening speed,” especially when the conversation is important. You’ll hear what you normally don’t, therefore, you will diminish the possibility of conflict. You will also actually be more productive because you will have fewer repeat conversations.
Read More »
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Monday Motivational Memo: Focus on Success
Focus on how far you’ve come, not how far you have to go.
But keep moving forward.
It’s almost always frustrating when we compare where we are to where we want to go. It’s better to compare where you are to where you started. That way, you’ll see the progress.
Even if it’s not much, it’s validation that you’re on your way and that you’re moving forward.
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Lesson Learned – No Matter Our Age, We’re Still Learning
OK class, today’s assignment is to create the most annoying place ever; ready?
Let’s begin by populating it with lots of tired, irritable inhabitants confined to a cramped area with hardly any places to rest and absolutely no spot to get comfortable. Many of these folks will wear too much perfume or, better yet, haven’t seen the working end of a shower in days. Of course, the whole environment has to be far from home, and — oh yes — let’s make it extremely loud.
Now, let’s spruce up the annoyance factor by tossing in some arcane commands.
Rule one: You are only allowed to have in your ownership one container of essential items; but the consequences for possessing those is that is you must drag them behind you wherever you go; a ball and chain.
Rule Two: Not for a minute can you let them leave your custody. If you want to add more items, you can purchase from a very limited supply of things that will be far more costly than they should be, and you must stand in long lines to obtain them (don’t forget, you must have your container always in tow).
Rule Three: Nosy, ill-mannered, discourteous natives will handle and interrogate you at will, sporadically rummage through your package of personal belongings, and time after time subject you to yet additional seemingly useless rules which may change at any time.
I think we’re done.
What shall we call it? Dante’s Infern
o? Hell? How about, “An Airport?”
Traveling has a knack to make anybody cranky; so, I had empathy for the nine-year-old with the pink suitcase waiting in the petrified line to board the jet. Her dad, bent close to her, staring unflinchingly into her eyes, was wagging his finger for emphasis and scolding her sotto voce. “We don’t push people out of the way. We wait our turn, do you understand?”
Her eyes drilling into the floor of the gateway, an angry expression contorting her face, she rocked defiantly from side-to-side, holding steadfast, “He’s not ‘people;’ he’s my little brother! And he’s slow! I want to get on the airplane all ready! I’m tired!” Read More »
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Video: Humorous Take on Procrastination
While procrastinating, I found this fun video about procrastination.
I can so relate. (By the way, if you’re watching this, you too are probably procrastinating.)
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Video: Miniature Model World in Germany
This is inspirational in the fact that people actually put this together and continue to grow this incredible miniature world.
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Forgiveness is More Powerful than Condemnation – Monday Motivational Memo
To forgive is more powerful than to condemn.
Sometimes, we hang on to “bad feelings” because we think we are punishing someone for what he or she did. The reality is that they are unaware of it and it doesn’t affect them in the slightest. Actually, it holds us back and hurts us.
To forgive someone does not mean you condone the behaviors; it’s merely an emotional release of attachment to a negative feeling.
Who do you need to forgive today?
Read more about forgiveness here.
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Benchmarking is Better Than a Resolution and Gets Better Results, Too!
Guest Writer: Terri Langhans, CSP
Let’s put this behind us.
Benchmarks are better than resolutions and get better results!
Just days after New Year’s, my daughter and I were talking about making and breaking resolutions. She said hers would be easy to keep. She wanted to cook-in more. Kelsey is in her last semester of graduate school and races between school, internship, work and the gym, eating or munching on the run, or standing at the kitchen counter in her apartment.
I took a deep breath, pondering whether I should just say, “That’s a good one, sweetie,” wearing my Mommy Hat, or tell her what I really thought, wearing my Business Hat.
I managed both. “That’s a good one, sweetie. You’re such a good cook, and you’ll probably save money, too.” Pause. “And, you know what I tell people in my audiences–to put a number on it and create a benchmark. Otherwise it’s not going to happen.”
“It’s cooking, Mom, not accounting,” she sighed. “But what’s a benchmark, again?”
I told her this, essentially.
Fancy definition: it’s a number that measures an activity or result. Real world example: whether you want to cook-in, play tennis, exercise, read, write, walk, run, dance, speak, consult, sell or save more, put a number on it. How many times a MONTH will you make it happen? 1? 4? 8? 16? 20? 30?
Don’t say 10. I mean, you could say you’re going to do something 10 times a month, but it gives me a brain cramp. Yoga 10 times a month? Is that 2 times one week, 3 times the next week, then 2 and 3 again? Make the math easily divisible by 4, as in weeks in a month. Dial it down to 8 or crank it up to 12.
Forget the annual goal.
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Overdoing The To-Do List: A Conversation
“Yay! I am finally moving forward on my goals for the year!”
“Good for you! So, what are these great plans you have?”
“Well, I always make resolutions and then I give up. So, I did some research and I found out that experts say if you’re really serious, you have to write them down. So I got organized. I got all these ‘to-do’ lists, each broken down by priority, category, and deadline. And because we’re more likely to change when we focus on the rewards instead of the work, I’ve listed them in this column, ranking them from one to ten. See?”
“Wow! Those are sure a lot of ‘to-do’ lists. You’re going to get a lot done, huh?”
“Sure am! Let’s look at my ‘health’ list. I want to lose 30 pounds, so I devised a strategy. It’s right here. Step one, clean the kitchen of temptation; you know, get rid of the junk food. Then, go to the store and stock up on range-free, organic, all-natural, non-processed, low fat, low-sodium, high-fiber foods. I’m also buying some of those inert non-reactive, toxin-free pots and pans that let you cook healthier. To keep track of my food, I write down everything I eat in this journal over here, including recording the calorie count, as well as fat, fiber, and protein grams. But, I’m not done! Every Sunday, the family meets to plan out the entire week’s meals in advance, which we goes on this list. That way we have a proper healthy dinner every night. What do you think so far?”
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Setting and Achieving Resolutions
A few years ago, I set close to 30 resolutions for the new year.
I know I included a few silly items like “buy more cute socks,” but most of the items were new endeavors that I never crossed off 
my list. They included fairly typical, year-end mandates about exercising more, making radical changes to my wardrobe, and changing my physical appearance through diet. Though a rush of adrenaline and desire to foster change made my listmaking easy, following through was considerably more difficult.
It’s easy to say resolutions don’t work and leave it at that, but the simple truth is that I got distracted by fantasies of my “New Me!” results and didn’t consider the effort and expense required by the massive changes I was taking on. Case in point, my list included buying new living room furniture… without taking into account my budget or the fact that someone was still going to have to pay the rent and utilities while I languished on a new sofa. A much smaller step, such as ‘shop Goodwill for a secondhand ottoman; purchase by February 28′ would have likely resulted in the acquisition of furniture at a pace and financial output I could handle.
When setting goals, it’s best to be realistic.
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Control Issues Anyone? The Monday Motivational Memo
You cannot control anybody but yourself.
If you try, you’ll drive both of you crazy.
If you’re having trouble getting on the same page with someone else, it’s important to remember that the only person you control in the situation is yourself.
Even if the other person is “wrong,” (almost always a questionable assumption) telling him that usually will not be as effective as looking inside yourself and seeing what you can do differently. Then, slow yourself down, take a deep breath. And move forward with your new plan.
Obviously, what you’re doing now is not getting you what you want (unless it’s a disagreement). You might as well try something else.
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I’ve Got That Awkward Feeling
Assumption #1:
Most people know what we need to do to be happier, healthier, or more productive.
Assumption #2:
Most of us do not do it.
Example: if I know that losing 10 pounds; or walking more; or spending more time with my family; will improve my life — and I have the wherewithal to do so — why don’t I just do it? Avoiding change is as much a part of the human condition as is falling in love or growing older. We all do it, whether we plan to or not.
This time of year that predicament is in full bloom. Millions boldly proclaim their “resolutions;” goals they will finally make real. The media are replete with experts, products, and services to assist in the quest. Diet centers, gyms, and self-improvement clinics of all stripes are busting at the seams. Yet, within weeks, you can shoot a proverbial cannonball through them without danger of hitting anyone.
Richard Bandler is one of two co-creators of the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). As I understand, NLP, in its most basic sense, states that our internal dialogue is a cause of our actions. For example, should my inner voice stubbornly insist, “You cannot lose weight,” I will develop a series of beliefs and resultant actions which reinforce that, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Conversely, if I “program myself” to say, “I am losing weight;” it will cause actions toward that end. In effect, you are what you think.
In an interview I recently viewed, Mr. Bandler explained why resolutions are usually ineffective. Being a student of change, and one who speaks to this topic, I was familiar with many:
- We really don’t want to
- Unrealistic goals
- Lack of a plan
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Monday Motivational Memo: Setting Realistic Goals & Resolutions
Each goal is made up of an unlimited number of smaller goals.
The problems with New Year’s resolutions are that most people aren’t really committed to them but feel they “should” make them because everyone else is; or they are committed to them but they make them too large and unwieldy.
If you’d like to make some changes for the new year:
1. Make sure it’s something YOU WANT or NEED to change, and not something you feel you SHOULD change
2. Realize there will be some discomfort in the process – but you will be able to hande it. (After all, if there’s no discomfort, nothing is changing.)
3. Make the end goal the result of a series of very small steps rather than one large one. (In other words, it’s not about losing 25 pounds this year, it’s about losing 2 pounds a month.)
Possibly, the most important; focus on the benefits you’ll receive from the change, not the work it will take.
They’re both true, but one will move you forward and one will frustrate you.
By the way, you can resolve to change any time you want. It doesn’t have to be on January 1. (Just sayin’…)
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Video: Richard Bandler’s Advice on New Years Resolutions
Richard Bandler is one of the two co-creators (along with John Grinder) of the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Dave Berman who will be the guest on “Getting Past What Holds You Back” on January 4, 2012 at noon PT posted this on our Facebook page. I thought it was great and wanted to share it.
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